[hyperglad]

There are quite a few now on the this path and i feel we need some resource support. I have googled this topic to no avail.

I thought maybe RCR or others might have some ideas of where we could find what we should expect during this phase...I for one am struggling and need some kind of reassurance ?

[wondering]

Hyper, I have also been searching for some kind of information but mostly find some kind of marriage repair stuff.  What to do after an affair, etc. All good but not quite what I am looking for. I'm not sure I even know what I am looking for but I keep searching. Things are going good but just wish there was some guidelines, suggestions maybe even stages of what to expect. But, instead for now I go forward blindly , watching all you in front of me hoping to pick up on what to expect. It's in God's hands on whether it will work out or not.

Hopefully we can all share what helps in our situations and learn from each other.

[Mamma Bear]

  Hyper and Wondering Did you try clicking on HBs older posts   I always read HB and I can't help but think I skipped a lot bc I am in Replay stage with my Nutcase. LOL! So I would skip the reconcilliation advice or skim it as a dream in the future   a place to re-visit when the time was actually here.
  I'll look also for you

[In this for ME]

Wondering said exactly what I was going to say.

I feel like I've been wandering around in the dark so long it would be really good to feel like I at least might be on the right path.

 I've decided it's time to get brave and intitiate some more intimate touching and talking about what was wrong with our relationship ( especially the sex) and I think the time is coming fast for me to tell him to work on dropping the guilt so we can move ahead.

[hyperglad]

Yes wondering that's what I need....some sort of affirmation I guess.

Mama yes i have read HB posts however i guess i wanted some more general guidelines...as wondering has said not even sure what 

In this....when My H and i were not intimate for 10ths it went on so long it felt awkward to get back to where we were , bearing in mind we had also had several episodes of Hysterical bonding. We started just lying close etc and then when we both felt safe I guess it happened...have you recently mentioned how it makes you feel to him ?

I have just seen a blog from RCR on R going to have a read hopefully may get something from that. 

[In this for ME]

Well there aren't any "clear" indications that he's interested - more excuses than anything. I know one day when he was just frustrated he said he wanted it to be spontanious and unplanned.

Good Lord he already has an idea of how it needs to play out.

But I started this morning when we were both awake just draping my legs over him even though he's facing away from me because he can only sleep on the one side due to the surgery.

It's really only to get his brain working in that direction at this point. If we don't get passed this hurdle I have to try to make him understand I won't get passed the skank any faster.

[crazyforhim]

I don't know if this applies but I was looking for reconnecting advise- I started a new thread looking for maybe what to expect in the next phase
I know H is still with OW but I also know it is on a much different level then before.
Wondering what comes right before reconnecting as I feel we are there but with OW present.
Looking for any help or advise for others who have been here already!!!

[OldPilot]

Reconnection and reconciliation are two different things.
Until they break withdrawal you are still in reconnection not in reconcillation.
And your actions would be different in the two different stages from what I have read.

This is an old thread on reconnection.
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=26.0

[Tsunami]

Snitching from another site again, but this may help.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2074403&page=1

[Little Chief]

Since I'm still getting the Touch and Goes, I don't really know what to expect in (or if I'll even recognize) reconnection.  What I have read though, it seems like you have to start from scratch - to build a NEW relationship with your H.  I seem to recall RCR and HB,(our two moms, LOL) had a rather animated discussion over this late last year.

Who would you be if you were to end your stand and begin anew with another?  Would you expect all the things of the new R that you did of your M, or would you take each day as a new day, learning about this new person in your life, deciding if you were compatible?  As your relationship with that new person grew, would you expect them to just know you and tell you all, or would you try to develop healthy communication skills with them, letting them in on your hurt, your anger, your trust issues?  Would you have patience with them if they were unsure how to proceed, after they came to understand the depth of your pain?  No matter what, would you be willing to invest a large amount of time developing this new relationship, or would you want to rush it to perfection, all the while knowing perfection is an illusion?

I ask myself these questions, even as I KNOW my H is still firmly entrenched in the tunnel, the badlands.  I believe in him, I believe he will make it through.  I hope he will want to try again, and I hope I will want that too.  Right now I do, but the future belongs to God, alone, and only He knows the outcome.  So I give it all to Him and hope for the best life I can have no matter who is in it.

I wish all who are dealing with reconnection and reconciliation the best life has to offer them, no matter what that looks like.  Have faith in and patience with yourselves.  You will find happiness, I am certain of that.