[In this for ME]

I think I'd ask him if he's had the baby's DNA tested.

Hey- with these tramps the child might not be his.

I know for me had EXH had a child with the tramp he was with I would have been done, done done!!

The only redeeming value the skank had was she was my age ( already gone through the change) and he had a vasectomy years ago. Although I heard she lied to the next guy she was with and told him she was pregnant.

[Buggy31]

My sitch resulted in a child btw H/OW.  OW was pregnant 2 months after H moved out.  She became pregnant during a time when I was getting some touches and goes so I believe she sensed something going on with him.  My H moved out 6 weeks after the birth of our third child and first son.  OWs baby girls was born two weeks before my son's first birthday. 

My children see H and OW and her kids a lot and hardly ever talk about the baby which is very strange for my children..very.  I really don't think they do much to integrate this child with the other children.  It makes me very sad for this baby...very.  My children have me but this child has no adult in her life.  I pray for her constantly.  It makes me so upset at how selfish H and OW are but the baby is here and she will have a connection to my children and I really want that to be healthy. 

In the beginning I could not look at this child..I could not stomache any of it but with time and healing I see her as a child of god..really.   

This is not easy and I can't even imagine in your sitch where you could not concieve together...they are so hurtful MLCers...and so messed up..I'm sorry you have to go through this and here if you ever want to PM me.

I haven't posted in awhile but you can find my latest thread and previous link threads if you search "fire in my belly". 
HUGS
BUGS

[LeaveThePastBehind]

Hi SGG.....my MIL is one too.........her first h had an affair and had a baby .........at first my MIL would not accept it..she went and smashed up o/w house and even smashed the tv whilst o/w was watching it....because she felt o/w was ignoring her when she went to confront.......today my MIL and o/w and her are best-friends BONKERS i know...my h lost his dad when he 6/7 yrs old and him dying brought o/w and h's mum together for the sake of the child...i asked MIL how she could become friends with a woman who had his child...........she said something changed when he died....i spoke to o/w in my MIL case and asked asked if she regretted doing what she did.........she said YES she didn't realize just how hurt MIL had been til o/w's h left her for an o/w.................from what the o/w in my h's case told me she said my h wanted another child they had planned it.....my h still denies it he said she was obsessed with the baby thing but never thought it would happen as o/w had trouble conceiving in the past........I don't know whether it was or wasn't it doesn't change the fact that the baby is here..........i just see the baby as a distraction for my h ............whilst hes concentrating on the baby he can push his issues away.........but he cant push them away forever..........and as i see it the baby wont be a baby forever.........if he can leave his kids after so many yrs together then he wont have problem leaving her when he realizes that the baby isn't the answer............at the minute the MM stays through guilt and emotional blackmail mixed in with infatuation chemicals even that doesn't last..........and then poor baby or child/toddler by then becomes the weapon that o/w had him for............its a sad situation but one day it will end and i know it xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wow, what a crazy situation that turned out to be with your MIL. And the fact that your H & ow planned the whole thing,   that's what I suspect in my situation, as well. I wish I could, at least, know from him (H) if part of his issues is that we could never have one of our own but I will not ask and he'll never give me the truth, especially anytime soon.


I think he'll be a good Dad though. I don't know. I could never wish bad for the baby so that translates into, I hope H wakes up soon and is a good dad - for a lifetime.

I think I'd ask him if he's had the baby's DNA tested.

Hey- with these tramps the child might not be his.

I know for me had EXH had a child with the tramp he was with I would have been done, done done!!

The only redeeming value the skank had was she was my age ( already gone through the change) and he had a vasectomy years ago. Although I heard she lied to the next guy she was with and told him she was pregnant.

I was thinking of that too, In This, Dna test, that is. I doubt someone else is the dad in this case but there is that possibility. I wouldn't bring that up to him though. I'm in between a rock and a hard place as he pretty much vanished again and won't talk to me.

I know for me had EXH had a child with the tramp he was with I would have been done, done done!!

The thought never even crossed my mind that this could happen. I mean, it did, but he told me once, a couple months after he left "just don't have any kids." as in, for me not to go on with my life and have kids. I would have thought that I would be done too. I guess I am, anyway, he's already made that decision for me.

My sitch resulted in a child btw H/OW.  OW was pregnant 2 months after H moved out.  She became pregnant during a time when I was getting some touches and goes so I believe she sensed something going on with him.  My H moved out 6 weeks after the birth of our third child and first son.  OWs baby girls was born two weeks before my son's first birthday. 

My children see H and OW and her kids a lot and hardly ever talk about the baby which is very strange for my children..very.  I really don't think they do much to integrate this child with the other children.  It makes me very sad for this baby...very.  My children have me but this child has no adult in her life.  I pray for her constantly.  It makes me so upset at how selfish H and OW are but the baby is here and she will have a connection to my children and I really want that to be healthy. 

In the beginning I could not look at this child..I could not stomache any of it but with time and healing I see her as a child of god..really.   

This is not easy and I can't even imagine in your sitch where you could not concieve together...they are so hurtful MLCers...and so messed up..I'm sorry you have to go through this and here if you ever want to PM me.

I haven't posted in awhile but you can find my latest thread and previous link threads if you search "fire in my belly". 
HUGS
BUGS

Oh, Buggy . I hadn't read your story at all, yet. Incredible situation and so very sad for you and the little ones. I worry a lot about the child, too. I put off having a child of my own because I had sooo many hangups about it. Most of all, I worried about providing a child with the best that I could and I knew I wasn't ready. I care about kids so much. I hope, at least, that this baby is in a decent environment.


I still have not looked at a picture of the little one. I have no way of knowing anything that goes on with them other than doing a search on the internet and that's just something I won't do. I've chosen not to see what they selectively put out there for me to see. I don't know his name.... I don't know who he looks like... I'm imaging he looks just like him. But I won't look. It'll do me no good.


I think this child was planned. H had a taste of being a step-in dad to Op's other boy ( 7 years old by now ) and I guess they wanted him to have a playmate and H wanted one of his very own.


What a sad thread. (( Hugs )) to all of you and thanks for sharing your thoughts with me.

[Anjae]

Hi Star,

I’m so sorry for your pain.

For me the decision if my husband had a child with OW would be easy (but hurtful): he should stay with the child mother. We have no children, the baby is not to blame and will need both mum and dad. I would be sad we never had children but would not be happy if, when the crisis was over, he would be leaving the mother of his child and wanting to be back with me.

The thing for him to do would be to divorce me and marry her. After all he has been gone for years.

If I were already divorced I would no longer consider my husband had a baby with OW since, after divorce, he would be my ex-husband.

I know a man who had a MLC affair, went and live with OW, divorce his wife –with whom he had a daughter -, married OW, had twins with her. The marriage to OW lasted two years, according to the man “the worst two years of his life”. He divorce second wife, former OW, and wanted to be back to the first wife. First wife had moved on and remarried and did not want to have him back.

But his love for his twin sons never died. He loves them as much has he loves his first, much older, daughter. He says they all  are his children. That he was the one who messed up, not the kids.

Hugs, A

[OliveOyl]

Hi SGG.  My H has a baby with ow.  He didn't want it and now that the fog is lifting he is totally miserable.  He told me how she manipulated the whole situation and he had no say.... Still the victim he is.  He seems to be hoping ow will leave him and take the baby.  I don't know anymore, I have gone no contact and have been working on getting on with my life.  He says he can't leave the baby, he still loves me, bla blah blah.  I dont want to raise anymore kids, Im ready for a little bit of freedom.  So, our lives going where ever the journey takes us.  It is difficult to fathom, I frequently forget my boys an 11month old sibling....my boys forget too and don't want much to do with their dad and his new life. 

We are healing and moving forward, it gets better little by little, day by day.

Hugs to you!

[moc]

Wow, I must say you ladies have my utmost respect and love for dealing with this pain.  As for my wife if she ever got pregnant by some pos dirtbag OM, I think that would seal the coffin shut and close the door.  Like Annie J said, not sure I would have THAT MUCH LOVE for my wife to even think of forgiving her.  From the grapevine I heard in early BD when she had a OM (and I confirmed she did) she was not using protection.  Her BFF told her she was playing with fire due to STDs and possible pregnancy.  Wifey does not know that I know this and yes, my STD test I took many months later was clear (thank God).  I know her boys from previous relationship and our boys would not want a single thing to do with any love child/affair child.  This is a worry and fear I have of my wife doing something this stupid.  Well, at least if she did and we divorced, she would be paying child support to me which I know is an ego crush for her.

My hugest hugs for all of you!

[LeaveThePastBehind]

Hi Star,

I’m so sorry for your pain.

For me the decision if my husband had a child with OW would be easy (but hurtful): he should stay with the child mother. We have no children, the baby is not to blame and will need both mum and dad. I would be sad we never had children but would not be happy if, when the crisis was over, he would be leaving the mother of his child and wanting to be back with me.
Hugs, A

Hi Annej,

Thank you. I've always loved the way your truth darts are more like truth arrows, lol. 

I feel the same. There's really nothing I can do. I feel like I was permanently ejected from his life and even if he were to ever change his mind ( I doubt it ), the Op is always going to be there with more authority and a tighter hold on him because of this bond. I do believe that all children should remain in a stable home where both parents can raise them. It's the type of family I grew up in and it means a lot to me. Somehow, for some reason, I do think they will remain altogether.

There goes my happy ending ( with him ).... fading away with his new family into the sunset... ugh.

Thanks for sharing that interesting story. Life is really crazy isn't it? Twins with an Op and then he wanted to return? It's unbelievable.

Hi SGG.  My H has a baby with ow.  He didn't want it and now that the fog is lifting he is totally miserable.  He told me how she manipulated the whole situation and he had no say.... Still the victim he is.  He seems to be hoping ow will leave him and take the baby.  I don't know anymore, I have gone no contact and have been working on getting on with my life.  He says he can't leave the baby, he still loves me, bla blah blah.  I dont want to raise anymore kids, Im ready for a little bit of freedom.  So, our lives going where ever the journey takes us.  It is difficult to fathom, I frequently forget my boys an 11month old sibling....my boys forget too and don't want much to do with their dad and his new life. 

We are healing and moving forward, it gets better little by little, day by day.

Hugs to you!

Hi OliveOyl,

Thanks for posting! It's very interesting to hear all these different situations. They really are all very different...

One thing that you all have in common, I see, is that you are all Mom's already ( Happy Mother's Day!   ). Other than that, all the details are different.

Olive, I have to go read your thread, as well.  H pretty much said the same to me ie. he meant all the lovely-dovey things he said to me ( while never mentioning a word about this ) but has to be there to "take responsibility for his actions". Really, there's no other way, anyway. Ugh! I just have to accept the fact that it's done. There's no way around it.

Wow, I must say you ladies have my utmost respect and love for dealing with this pain.  As for my wife if she ever got pregnant by some pos dirtbag OM, I think that would seal the coffin shut and close the door.  Like Annie J said, not sure I would have THAT MUCH LOVE for my wife to even think of forgiving her.  From the grapevine I heard in early BD when she had a OM (and I confirmed she did) she was not using protection.  Her BFF told her she was playing with fire due to STDs and possible pregnancy.  Wifey does not know that I know this and yes, my STD test I took many months later was clear (thank God).  I know her boys from previous relationship and our boys would not want a single thing to do with any love child/affair child.  This is a worry and fear I have of my wife doing something this stupid.  Well, at least if she did and we divorced, she would be paying child support to me which I know is an ego crush for her.

My hugest hugs for all of you!

Thank You Moc! It is definitely very painful and very difficult to deal with. Especially, at least for me, I spent so many years with him but we just never were blessed with a child and obviously the problem there was in me, not him. It's a very emotional set of feelings I'm trying to live through right now.

I guess the loving enough part, for me, comes down to believing ( or not ) is this really mlc? Is he really so confused right now or are these just his decisions? I really wish I knew for sure but I think he is going through something. I could be totally wrong though and I could just be wasting too much energy believing it.

I can't say for sure what my future holds. I don't know if I'll ever even hear from him again. I do care about him, mostly if he's not well. The whole situation is just... sad.

 

[watching and waiting]

There goes my happy ending ( with him ).... fading away with his new family into the sunset... ugh.


That is how I am feeling at the moment.
Bit of a down day today.


HUGS

[LeaveThePastBehind]

Sorry you're having a down day W&W. This is really tough!


Buggy, I just noticed that your H is on the younger side mlc like mine. That's interesting. hmm.

[Anjae]

Hi Star,

Thank you. I've always loved the way your truth darts are more like truth arrows, lol

Oh mine, truth arrows rather that truth darts…  maybe that is because was never good at darts but liked bow & arrow when a kid.  Myb husband should beware or I may trespass him with a few arrows. 

I feel like I was permanently ejected from his life and even if he were to ever change his mind ( I doubt it ), the Op is always going to be there with more authority and a tighter hold on him because of this bond.

With a baby, unless the other person turs their back on the child, there is no way they are ever going to fade from view. You were not eject from his life, his MLC eject him from your life. Probably even from his own life...

There goes my happy ending ( with him ).... fading away with his new family into the sunset... ugh.

It was a very hard blow but now you’re going to write your own happy ending.  You know a LBS recovery takes time and we have to go one day at a time but a time will come when you start to feel really strong and hoping for a brand new life for you. 

Life is really crazy isn't it? Twins with an Op and then he wanted to return? It's unbelievable.

Tha man told me his story when he heard of husband. He and his first wife knew us since we were 17/18 and when we were young we always had them has one of our role models as far as couple were concerned. We moved to another town and I was amazed, after return, to find out what had happened to them. The man now has nothing but praise for his first wife and still hopes that, one day, he can get back together with her…

Hugs,
Anne