[since_youve_been_gone]

Hi all

Although I have done plenty of reading on here I am still curious about their attitudes in liminal depression.  Do they still blame us for everything at this point or have they realised the commotion and damage they have caused and are at least a little bit sorry?  Are they still nasty? Does the escape and avoid thing change immediately at the next stage.

I know my situation is miles away from this stage yet and also of course may never be. 

Just wondering what could be in store.

Love SYBG X
 

[hope!]

SYBG

Hi I'm like you looking forward as to what might come.....think my H is a way off yet......suppose it's knowing what signs to look out for if any! I've read the intermittent liminality blog loads and it seems as though my H could be there but more clues would be helpful!

I'll keep checking in to see what advice/info your posted!

Hope xx

[since_youve_been_gone]

Hi Hope and thank you for replying, I was worried it didn't make sense sense!  It seems our bomb drop times and age groups are very similar.  Would you be able to give me directions to the blog please.  Please feel free to inbox me, I am from the UK too.  Hope you are okay or as okay as you can be in these bizarre times.

Love
SYBG x

[Dontgiveup]

You may have already read this, but here is one of RCR's blogs that may have some insight for you.

http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com/?paged=10

[since_youve_been_gone]

Hi and thanks for that 'Dontgiveup'

I've just read the blog and parts do seem familiar so I may possibly have read it, however things just never seem to sink in that easily until after a few times!!

Thanks again

SYBG

[superdog]

Hi there,

Just wanted to share what I got. My h blamed me incecently throughout replay but when depression hit I did have a couple of times when he said you?e done nothing wrong or this is not your doing. So yes, by that point they know. But in order to stave off the biggy they go back into blame shifts if they hear something they don't like from you.

Ow don't know if ea or pa, has been there the whole time and the defense of her has never faltered.  Only if I ever brought this up did monster guy come back for a bit.

Also seen a lot of anger in the depression stage. Just being mad at the dirt really. Still plays victim role most of the time.

Hope insight helps.

I'm also from uk, probably tell by my words used.

Sd x

[since_youve_been_gone]

Ah Superdog that's exactly the sort of scenario/information that I meant but wasn't sure if I'd worded it clear enough, thanks so much.  How you put it makes real sense as sometimes I can't see past the categories.  It makes it much easier to digest with a real story.

So just out of interest, was this a quite a way into liminality or around the change over from replay.

Much appreciated

SYBG

[superdog]

I suppose I had replay a bit easier tha a lot of people. He didn't stay out all night or party hard. Strangely the majority of the time he spent watching dvd after dvd for months on end. I got monster from time to time. He's low energy so the transition from replay to depression was not a hugely obvious  thing.

Its strange because he says to me that he is rock bottom. He only thinks this because his life is in ruins. He got kicked out his band, he doesn't know his kids anymore, he hardly speaks to me and now has lost his friends. Workmates used to love him, now they think he is low life who cheats on me. Ow is co worker. So all this must feel like bottom, BUT, although he still tries to threaten me with leaving etc, he says this is part of the great change he needs to make.  Stil environment rather than personal, so he doesn't get it yet. If he is in liminality he is fighting it hard and running back to avoidance constantly.

He is paranoid when I go out. He said he has to expect me to stray because he would have driven me to it. He gives me monster about this. He even followed me one day thinking he was invisible lol.

Liminality I think is the hardest to place. Is he or isn't he? I am not sure exactly when replay stopped as he keeps going back there to continue to avoid, so that's a toughy to say.

Their sorry for themselves moments are the ones you got to listen hard to, they give a lot away.

More insights, but the stages running together is what my experience has been.

Sd x

[since_youve_been_gone]

Hi Superdog,

Thanks for that, you seem to really know what I'm on about and how to voice things in a way that makes me see more clearly!

Also I have started to read your thread and some things sound soooooo familiar even though my h fled straight away.  I am intrigued about the listening part near the beginning.  I think I miss a lot of what my h says (on odd bits of contact - when he makes out he wants to see the kids when I know he doesn't really) because I can't see past my own hurt and pain but I suppose if I was to stop and think deeply then he is trying to tell me something.  At the moment his favourite saying is 'your better off without me' .  Must be the spoilt child in me or do you think this is normal at this point and that it is still to raw?  At what point do you think you started to detach properley? 

I like to think I have detached but deep down I know I'm kidding myself and its purely bravado.  I regurlarly go from hating him to feeling sorry for him to feeling numb and then back again.  To be honest don't even know if I love him!!

Three years down the line and it sounds like you are doing ever so well.

Many thanks again

G (SYBG)

[superdog]

Hey,

Yeah it took me a very long time to get the projection thing. I couldn't believe thiis was my h. I was in shock I think. He moved out our room a while ago now and I think I have only found proper detachment since I had my own space to retreat to and I could let him have his crazy time downstairs. I also stopped bothering about ow as he seemed relentless and defiant when I mentioned it. He can't stand the reminder that's why.

I had a great bravado face, it even presents when I read my thread again. Masking hurt I suppose. I meant it at the time.

It is hard to see past your own pain and you'er not spoilt at all, its disbelief that he wouldn't want to try and make you feel better by reassurance. Believe me its not coming anytime soon. Its all about him now and you're on your own to pick up your own pieces. Harsh isn't it! Its because we ourselves would not watch someone in pain and not do something for them. They're crazy mad selfish right now.

The whole better off without me is justification for himself, but also so that he will get some kind of of course I am not response which let's him know you still want him. They try every trick in the book. The book of big manipulation tactics.lol

You will love him, that doesn't switch off like a light. Know that he can't do this either.

I feel for you, you have so much more to come and it is hard. Your kids are your world  and they give us the best reason to get out of bed each day. 

There's plenty time to listen in when you are ready.

You take care

Sd x