[In this for ME]

I mean, WHO WOULD SAY THAT to someone??

I mean .....I know right??? Yes he feels he HAS to make the relationship work or HE WILL BE WRONG...and that would bother them more than anything.

My most hurtful phrase that still stands out for me was him gleefully yelling over the phone that the sex with her was incredible!! I can still hear his voice say it in my head.

[NoRegrets]

My H refused to say that sex with her was good, and in fact would only say that it was "...frequent." Also, she spent long, unhurried hours with him (while I worked my ass off and didn't abandon our children.) Goody for him, I say.

The sound I can't get out of my head is his phone alerting him that she was texting him IN MY HOME. And with dead shark eyes, he flatly admitted that, yes, this was an indication he had seen her earlier that day and had sex with her. And, so, her presence invaded my home. No doubt she was marking him, like a dog lifting its leg.

She can have him.

But he can't have me.

And I think he misses me.

Take your power back, sister.

"I will never do to OW what I did to you."

"Weeeeeeeell, enjoy it. Enjoy the purity of your relationship, mister. You'll never have with her what you had with me. In fact, you'll never have me again, so don't plan on leaving OW. Your best bet is to try to live like it was worth it--really work hard to make it count."

Bleah.

[Stillpraying]

Interesting posts.
Everyone's perceptions are so real to me.

When I met my H he had been married for 10 years.  Told me he was divorced and I was led to beleive he had been that way for a time.  ie, I felt that it was history.  Found out last year he hadn't even filed for divorce when he met me.  Now that was a big issue for me becuase I was brought up that Divorce was wrong and that you could only divorce your spouse for unfaithfulness (including abuse), not just for anything.  Anyway, I did struggle with the issue of marrying a Divorced man and so I asked him whey his marriage ended etc as I wanted to know he wouldn't do the same thying to me after 10 years of marriage.  His only reply was "That was different" .  I can see now, that back then I really wasn't sure of his level of committment and ability to stay in a marriage but told myself I would continue looking for a perfection that wasn't out there.  that all of us have issues and faults. I did love him and I did want our marriage to work. 

But I do also feel now the narcisstic side of it where I felt like something to fill his need for happiness and avoid loneliness.  I was an object, so therefore, my feelings never counted and do not count. It is his feelings and what people can do for him that are important to him.

He also 'accidentally' (others on this site have said they believe it to be deliberate) had a response to feedback to a B&B sent to me.  He stayed there with OW and said how he and his girlfriend had such a wonderful tuime but that the bed was squeaky under movement'.  That was a big dig at me if I ever felt one.  I just told him to keep his peronal stuff private and then he told me it was none of my business!!!  EXactly!  I replied.  So keepo it to yourself H!!!!

I think they really 'get off' on that sort of taunting.  Or should I say' BULLYING'

I'm starting to think the root of my anger is toward myself for not trusting my instincts but letting myself be persuaded by the words of a manipulative man.

SP

[NoRegrets]

Don't beat yourself up for your mistakes.

As I've counseled my kids (and myself), you're only allowed to hate yourself if you don't learn lessons from your errors. Otherwise, make an effort to figure out why you did what you did and how to make it different next time.

The B&B feedback sounds like something an OW would do to hurt you.

[since_youve_been_gone]

Very interesting to read the different translations, In this For The Long Haul I think you hit the nail right on the head and No Regrets, absolutely love your outlook .... can see me being right behind you!

Since x