[Still]

Would you say this is just with the LBS or with everybody???

It is with those closest to him. If he is in public, he can put on a mask for that time being. He can take it off just as quickly. My H has a very public job and keeps a mask on much of the day. I think that is why he is so exhausted when he comes home. Withdraws completely and often falls asleep if he sits for even a few minutes. This is a man pre-MLC would be active from morning until sunset completing projects, working on household tasks, preparing for the upcoming days, months, weeks. Now, our house has numerous projects left in mid-repair and no new projects have been started this entire time.

[hyperglad]

Still before the MLC my H was the same. Always doing things around the house, proud of his achievements ....then ML hit and it stopped and he expended his energy on OW just came home and slept whilst here.

No he is here again, but still has no impetus to do anything around the house, told me the other day cant be bothered doing anything....some days I wonder why we even want these men in our lives 

[Still]

some days I wonder why we even want these men in our lives

I just keep hoping for that "new and improved" version of my former H. It is simply hard to imagine right now in his present state.

[stayed]

He's in there Still.  You are still traveling your own journey, therefore no need to rush this. 

I honestly believe, that most if given enough time, will/can come through this, whole and beautiful.  Patience is your strong suit and strength comes naturally! 

When this is done you will know it honey.... whatever the outcome, YOU will be fine with it... that much I know for certain.

hugs Stayed

[xyzcf]

I honestly believe, that most if given enough time, will/can come through this, whole and beautiful.

Stayed, I can never hear this enough times..it gives me the hope that I need..but I am getting to that place where I'm going to be ok. Without some hope though, it would be harder I think for me to let go...contradictory but somehow it makes sense to me this morning.

[limitless]

XYZ,
I have been noticing your posts over the last few days - and you are sounding stronger.
I am glad to see that.
I know that it is hard to hold onto hope.  I am not where you are - as I am 8-9 behind you.
You have come so far.  18 months!  I know that many have experienced this for longer - many have not yet experienced the time and all that you have.
With your H being a Vanisher - I can only imagine what that is like.
Although - now that my H seems to be "settled in" to his MLC and replay behaviors  - he seems to be turning into a Vanisher.
I no longer even receive the inane emails or texts.  He only communicates with our kids now - and that is very rarely.
One of the reasons that I love to read Stayed's comments is the hope that she can bring.  As well as the knock on the head she will give you - if you are not focusing on yourself and making the most of who you can be!  (Thanks, Stayed ).

I am so looking forward to the upcoming trip.  It will be good for both of us!

Let your H go!  Just let him go!  He is on whatever timetable that he is on.  It seems to me that he has ran away from his whole life!  Doesn't sound like a good place to me.  But, maybe that's the place he needs to be right now??? Who knows?

Put him on the shelf - along with thoughts of your marriage and the past.  You are going to be okay.  We are both going to be okay.  I also believe that one of the reasons that I can let go - is that I still have hope.  Isn't that the one thing that stayed in Padora's box?  Mankinds ability to have hope?  I  guess we have to thank Pandora for slamming down the lid - just in time!

L

[xyzcf]

Good morning Laurescan...we'll see what kind of knocks on the head we'll get when we actually meet stayed! I hope to be even more on my own path..I giggle every time I think that my Beloved will look at his points statement and wonder "she's going where? Why would she be going there?" but that is not what it is about anyway.

Sometimes I don't know if my H is a vanisher..more of a runner..I mean, he's working in Brazil, although that was his choice (one made very suddenly and without any thought..honestly, it was a very bizarre decision). I still can't figure out why he asked me to go with him as it would have been the perfect out. And of course it stings that 4 months later, he cancelled my going with him AND decided he did not want to be married...that's confusing to me because he had never said that in the 13 month prior. Only that he needed space, patience etc so that part really frightens me. Now he is moving into an apartment which to me just means he still isn't thinking about us..because he is settling in to his own place.

Anyway, I am feeling ok again today..will take Kaci for a long walk as I have been to mass yesterday and then going to see The King's Speech with a friend. I also need to do some more trip planning.

Have a good day..wish everyone could join us but we'll find a place to meet somehow in the US that might make it easier for people to connect.

[stayed]

I saw the Kings Speech a couple of weeks ago.... LOVED IT!  Best movie I have seen in a couple of years.

The reason I can bang heads and say the things I say, because I know something you girls don't know.   I have been there and back again.  I LOVE the outcome.  I like ME, in a way I never have in my whole life.  I enjoy life in a way I never have in the past.  All those sayings etc. that you were raised with, that we all mock.... "Life is What You Make It", "Silver Lining Behind Every Cloud", "This will make you or break", lalalala, blah, blah... THEY ARE TRUE! 

Surviving this crap, coming out still loving who you are, your children, your family, everything about life, is a real BUZZ.  It's the best HIGH ever.  Fear is something of the past because you know things really DO WORK OUT FOR THE BEST.  All that worrying is for not.  There is nothing you can do about so many things in your life and you recognize those so much quicker then you did before,  not even getting a tingle of fear, is uplifting. 

I feel you girls are on the "threshold" of this discovery and I am waiting for you.  All of you, very patiently I might add.  I toss in the odd incentive to keep you on the path. 

Wonderful meeting people like you folk.  You see, that is something I would have missed, if it had not been for this horrendous experience.  Naaaa, I don't wish this undone, it's been the best experience of my life, certainly wouldn't have wished for it, but its how my life went down.  No regrets!

hugs Stayed

[limitless]

Oh Stayed,
I'm a GIRL!

It sounds like I'm young or something!

L

[Bewildered]

Stayed

I agree wih your thoughts on life! I now see it clearly - because of my H MLC - I am able to see that my life isn't about anything but what I want from it .. equal -  love, oppotunity, support, care, unselfishness, passion, trust, integrity, pride, ...........

I love my children, friends, work, sport and my H, if he can see that the 'me' I am is good for him then ? but if not, then we are not menat to be!

I know he would damage me if he cant repair himself 100% and us and that isnt what I want or need  - who wants a life of misery?

B x