[Dontgiveup]

OP.....I am also appreciative of you posting this.  In AmyC's story, I have read much of what I've seen in my ex-wife, which is not surprising since we know as much as we do about MLC behavior.

I am reminded of this quote from my counselor when I was telling him the things my ex-wife was saying and doing.

He said "DGU, what part of the word crisis do you not understand?"

[Mitzpah]

I have nothing to offer, but this thread gives me much hope!!!

[xyzcf]

Thanks OP for continuing to research this for all of us.

I cried myself to sleep every night because I didn't understand what the hell was wrong with me. But every morning, I woke up pissed off and wanting to get away all over again

Somehow this reasonates and I don't really know why. I know that my husband has been tearful and he is not a man who cries...I guess the important thing about this is to realize that the tears are not for our marriage or me, but somehow to address his own internal strife.

DGU, what part of the word crisis do you not understand?"

Think you may have shared this DGU once or twice with me 

[kikki]

HeyJude, What they present to the affair partner is a very charming person.

I can tell you that when my husband was exchanging correspondence with OW1, before and after their physical affair started, he was nothing but sweetness, sugar and wonderful with her. She got the very nice he, the man who wanted to be with her forever. She was the love he has been wainting for all his life. OW1 was stetting the tone of the “you’re wonderful my love, I’ve never meet anyone like you before”, coming up with all the dreams and plans and husband was going along.

Kikki, I think it is different from you boss pursuing you. You were not up to it. In MLC affairs we have to willing parts. In fact two very eager parts. No, I don’t think our husbands always had been modest before was a cover up. No way they were going to manage it for decades. With us they did not need to have their armour in place. We were not the fantasy person they have gone after.

AnneJ - I agree - they do present as vulnerable, sweet and loving if you are prepared to buy into it, in the beginning.  Anyone in their right mind, can see that the MLCer is not in their right mind though.  This obsession and infatuation, is not normal.  These OW have to be incredibly dysfunctional and desperate and emotionally very immature to believe the fantasy.  Yes agree - they buy into the fantasy.

You're right - there's no way they could pretend to be modest for that long, could they! 

I had confirmation that all is not sweetness and light with the OW, about 18mths post BD.  It was a year after my H moved out.  He left his cellphone in our car.  I snooped.
What I read was confirmation that he lies to the OW to keep her off his back, and that things were not rosy.

OW - Did you make it home okay?  I am so so sorry for ranting at you.  Please please believe me, I never ever want to do that to you again. 
MLCer - I really just have to sort myself out
OW - I need to do the same thing - sorting ourselves out is the hardest thing that we will ever have to do .......I love you and we can work this out....

Then a few days later:
MLCer - I have been thinking about what you said.  I am sorry I am always grumpy all the time. I need to do something about that.
Kikki has agree in principle to a formal separation and sorting out the business (this was news to me!)
OW - thank god!  How do you feel?
MLCer - Like jumping in the harbour
OW - don't get cold!

[Anjae]

Did you make it home okay?  I am so so sorry for ranting at you.  Please please believe me, I never ever want to do that to you again. 
MLCer - I really just have to sort myself out
OW - I need to do the same thing - sorting ourselves out is the hardest thing that we will ever have to do .......I love you and we can work this out....

Then a few days later:
MLCer - I have been thinking about what you said.  I am sorry I am always grumpy all the time. I need to do something about that.
Kikki has agree in principle to a formal separation and sorting out the business (this was news to me!)
OW - thank god!  How do you feel?
MLCer - Like jumping in the harbour
OW - don't get cold!

Apart from the jumping in the harbour and the grumpy mine and OW1 said the same sort of things to each other before he left. But it was all mixed with rosy lovely things. She was very worried his health, how the situation was not doing him well, how he needed to end it (meaning go out). Then she was the one getting unwell and he was the one very worried with her. "Saying yes, my love, yes, I have to do it for us, for our love"...  Kids stuff being played by adults. And messing lives because of such things...

I think the in-fatuation hormones cloud the judgement and that is valid for the OW as well. I know OW1 only have had 2 short lived boyfriends prior to get involved with husband. She was 30, lived with her parents. She was spoilt and, in her own words “jealous and very vain”. I don’t know much about OW2 emotional past. She seems to be another girl from a small town that landed on the big city, at a point stepped into a world she did not belong to (clubbing) and got star struck with husband. Probably he is her fantasy guy… and he is offering her a lifestyle she could only dream of. It is a fairy tale. OW1 got to the point of wrote a letter titled “The Little Girl and Her Prince”. No kidding, I have it. It is all about how she is going to move to the big city to be with her Prince (husband), and how their life is going to be a never ending dream.

The MLCer has to be totally delusional and emotional frail to buy into that stuff. In his normal self husband would have laugh of such thing and said “that girl is crazy”.

[FindingJoJo]

These OW have to be incredibly dysfunctional and desperate and emotionally very immature to believe the fantasy.  Yes agree - they buy into the fantasy.

The OW in my situation was all those things, plus gave herself freely to men and women prior to H being there and tried to act like she wasn't like that but the stories kept coming his way from her own sister and family, she drank every day, left her own children and when I went completely silent - the BIL showed up - it was 9 days from his visit with H until their breakup.  I went no FB, no e-mail, NC completely and they were still being mean about me - plus she set him back financially by the clutch incident - and he proclaimed in front of her family that he didn't want a D, he loved me and missed me....it must have been real fun.....lol.

Sorry I just have to be giddy about their quick demise - she is being very mean about him too now.....and he couldn't take her near his mom because his mom absolutely hates that side of the family.  Then today he actually acknowledged not doing what he said he would and apologized.  I am wary but feel good about it as well my prayers to God on Hosea 2:4 were working.  I thank God that he is in our lives and protecting us all from evil. 

[Thundarr]

Bumping this thread up.  I have nothing substantial to add as it has been so well covered, but hoping OP can pull some more female MLC stuff out of his hat.  As I said yesterday I know that each situation is independent and unique, while also not unique as DGU pointed out.  But I do think there is much to be learned from the other side.

[OldPilot]

More from AmyC  6/4/07
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=30339&Number=1081012#Post1081012

As for them "forgetting, or not remembering" I don't know if I buy that line,

As recently as two weeks ago, my husband brought up something that occured during my MLC and I absolutely do not recall acting the way he says I acted. It's not that we have "selective" memory. It's that there is so much that is going on in our heads during MLC, often some of the most traumatic and/or emotional things get pushed deep into our subconscious. I have looked at my husband a few times in the past 3 or 4 months and apologized right in the middle of a conversation about the past because I didn't remember it when I came out of the tunnel so I never really apologized for those particular things because I didnt recall them AT ALL. It stops me in my tracks to find out these "new" things from his point of view that I did back then and I don't know how long this will last. Will I still be being reminded of things 2 or 3 years from now in the middle of conversations? Fact is, it is very possible.

_____________________________________________________
I am considering doing one of these thread from Braveheart too, I know that he still posts on DB occasionally and he had some very interesting threads. 

[BonBon]

OP,
I totally believe this.
I have seen the shocked, no, make that stunned look on my husband's face several times when I have mentioned him saying or doing this or that while deep in the tunnel...there is no way he could fake that expression, nor so quickly.  I am fully skeptical about many things now that I've lived with an MLCer for so long but he's just not that good an actor.  I truly believe for whatever reason there is much, MUCH, they don't remember. 

Bon

[Ready2Transform]

Truth.  I was low-energy, and there's still a lot that is drowned in the soup of that time period, plus I'm still seeing my H do things that are showing he's not connecting from one thing to the next or remembering things he's said and done.  I know he's going to be shell shocked when he comes out the other side.