[devoted]

Jag

Talking to S17 tonight about my life with his Dad,during the conversation I said "I need to see my life for what it really was and not what I think it was" meaning I thought it was better than it actually was.I was with H 23 years so maybe it is just a defense.

I was talking to a friend last week who said we have so much other stuff going on we can't access those good memories right now but in time they will come back,let's hope she's right bc at the moment I just don't see it xxxxxxxxxxxx 

[JAG]

Thank you all....great insight....great conversation....great reminders....we have only one life...memories are memories....I try and not think about the past because there is no point....I have to look at the future...at 29 there is a lot ahead for me and my kiddies.  As my son naps upstairs and my daughters naps in the shade....all I can think about is what we should do when they wake up....one step at a time building new memories for me....but, more importantly, for them! So true...who knows what the future will bring...since we do not know...make the best of the present...and don't dwell on the past....got i...I think...haha....the head got it...now I just have to instruct the heart  to do the same

Thanks again

[BirdSoul]

I think about this all the time.

My friends and family who know my ex say they think he really did love me. Depends on how you define "love," I suppose. For a long time after BD and his move out of our home I kept thinking that he still loved me and would snap out of his crisis. But with 18 mos since BD, I've been able to get some perspective on my own issues as well as my ex-H's and although I know I truly love(d) my ex, I did not always show it in the best ways. I wonder if he ever truly had the capacity to love anyone, because he struggles to love himself. I think perhaps he idealized me and used my love to validate himself. When my love could not fill the hole in his soul, he stopped idealizing me and just saw me as the imperfect person I am. But that made him lose faith in me and himself. OW came along, desperately lonely and needy and willing to do anything for a BF, and he could once again idealize someone. The day he realizes she can't fill the hole either is coming. It may be months from now, or years from now. It may result in growth for him or more running. Don't know how I'll feel then.

Bird