[Thundarr]

Here is the article I referred to on my thread the other day that the author of a Parade article had also referenced.  This was a topic of discussion on LT for several days last year and I thought many on here may at least enjoy the read.  Simplified, yes, but by all accounts it is a factual telling straight from the horse's mouth.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fashion/02love.html?_r=2




(countdown to a DGU article link disputing it......10.....9.....8.... LOL!!)

[Rollercoasterider]

Laura Munson's article shut down the NY Times Modern Love comments section and she got a book deal out of it. Too bad Modern Love didn't want me story!
I wrote a way too long review of her book--it complained that the book wa stoo long--the irony! But it was. It was poorly edited--the story sort of started in the first pages and then she meandered backwards into history for amost 100 pages, mentioned the story again and then back to meandering for awhile.
Laura did all the right things, but most situations will not be resolved within a few months no matter what you do right. Compared to what you guys on here are going through, Laura's experience was a cake-walk--which though it may sound like it is nothing like dealing with a cake-eater.

[kikki]

Thundarr - I think that's a great story - but have to wonder if her H is coming up for a second more major bout of crisis in the next few years, just as some of us on here have experienced.
I hope not, but I'm watching .........

Compared to what you guys on here are going through, Laura's experience was a cake-walk--which though it may sound like it is nothing like dealing with a cake-eater.

LOL RCR - Nicely put 

[Thundarr]

Wow!  Super fast replies and one by RCR herself!  I'm honored....

I didn't know she had written a book, to tell the truth.  I'd be very interested to see what the critical reception of it was.  Out of curiosity do you think her story really was MLC and if so how do you feel about the relatively short duration?

[limitless]

I read that book.  I was very disappointed in it.  Lots of background on how she grew up...how they met....how they had children and moved away.  How her husband had job and money issues.....became disenchanted with his life...and decided it was because he didn't love his wife anymore.

Yes.  She had a nice line..."I don't buy it."  She convinced him to find a way to get the space he needed without damaging the family. 

Husband hangs out in the garage for a while and voila! - crisis is over and everything was fine!

Lots of pages about things I wasn't interested in reading...and very few pages on the actual "crisis" or how they got through it.

And, yes, I think most of us would be "success stories" if our spouse came around as quickly as Laura Munson's husband did.

RCR - I have a theory about why this story was "more accepted" than yours (or many of those here would be).  There was no known OW - or affair.  The MLCer did not leave the family.  There was little to no high energy replay damage - that I recall from the book. 

The real world can accept that Laura Munson "worked through" her husband's crisis.  The real world would not be as open minded about stories of reconciliation when the MLCer has caused much damage (divorce, financial issues, marrying the OW, having a child with the OW).  The real world (with few exceptions - in my opinion) feels that the LBS needs to "kick 'em to the curb" in those instances.

Yes.  I have a few opinions on this one.

limitless

[Anjae]

RCR - I have a theory about why this story was "more accepted" than yours (or many of those here would be).  There was no known OW - or affair.  The MLCer did not leave the family.  There was little to no high energy replay damage - that I recall from the book. 

The real world can accept that Laura Munson "worked through" her husband's crisis.  The real world would not be as open minded about stories of reconciliation when the MLCer has caused much damage (divorce, financial issues, marrying the OW, having a child with the OW).  The real world (with few exceptions - in my opinion) feels that the LBS needs to "kick 'em to the curb" in those instances.

Spot on, Limitless. It is MLC for the world at large. It is easy, it did not last long, it caused no damage, there was no OW. My cousin had one of those MLC without OW and with little financial damage. Just his took, since it become visible 4 years (including the time he has “waked up”). And I’m not sure he is done with it.

Still, I could live pretty well with my cousin’s MLC. And would love to have a husband with Laura’s one. But maybe Kikki’s is right, Laura’s husband may be coming on a second bout of crisis.

[Rollercoasterider]

Laura's story shut down the site with comments because of the controversy--about her not kicking him out. Imagine the controversy with mine! It would get huge ratings.   It was the longer version of what I posted here two years ago--Adopting a New Life. The thread I run is titled that, but I titled the article that and posted a short version I put up for a contest in August 2010. It had the feel-good full circle of the start being about Sweetheart saying he didn't want kids and the end with us starting the adoption process.

[Rollercoasterider]

Out of curiosity do you think her story really was MLC and if so how do you feel about the relatively short duration?

It was not MLC. MLT perhaps, but not MLC...at least not fully at that time. Will he go through a full and thus worse MLC at some point in the future? Who knows, how has she changed her marriage? She focused on Self and pulled herself through his crisis, but did she do anything like Alisa Bowman of Project Happily Ever After?

[Dontgiveup]

(countdown to a DGU article link disputing it......10.....9.....8.... LOL!!)

I am quite honored that you would think of me Thundarr.  I must however give a reminder that when I link information, it is not mine.....it is typically RCR's or Conway's.

RCR reviewed Munson quite some time ago, so I have some vague familiarity.  This is my point of view....my opinion.....but when there is no OP, no physical separation and a short time frame, I typically think of it as a transition versus a crisis.

Thundarr....I have been at this for a while.  Over 2.5 years.  I know what you are hoping....your goal is speed.  I've seen it a lot in the time I've been around.  Here's an article reference for you from RCR's article on Acceptance.

If your goal is speed, it will fail. But most of you will need to learn that through experience. Make your goal Acceptance. It is my wish that you accept the Time reality and make goals within that context. But most of you have the fantasy and hope that you will be the exception, you will change his mind or maybe you doubt it is MLC and therefore believe it will be faster for you. Maybe you are right; exceptions to rules are part of the rules and this is your journey.

[Gallagher]

I read and enjoyed the book.  i kinda liked hearing the background details about their life together.  But it was early in the process for me and I do think it gave me a false sense of hope for a shorter crises.  Plus, the hardest part of this journey for me has been the adultery and deception around the adultery.  As far as I know Laura's H never had an affair?  Although she does mention at some point she thought about std's and wondered if she should be protecting herself.  Still, OW is never confirmed or talked about.