[KeepItTogether]

Thanks Thunder--starting to think low energy might be worse! My IC thinks it is very "interesting" he is living at home now--the source of his angst tho he doesn't see it that way. It's just so odd isn't it that they just switch over to a whole new personality just like that and have no idea. Mine does feel bad, or at least says sorry all the time. But he has no intention of coming back. And even mentioned that he wouldn't care if I started dating. Wants me to in fact. I mean he did leave 3 weeks ago, so it's time right? Plus I'm bald rt now, in the middle of radiation and have a port implanted in my chest. Totally ready for the dating scene! 

[Watcher]

I think that my W is a Wallower. Since BD, there has been 2 months of covert depression followed by 10 months of overt depression. She stays in our spare room. There was OM initially, but I'm beginning to believe that this is being fueled by pure fantasy on her part. All of my evidence leads me to believe now that nothing physical took place and she has even backtracked on her previous statements.

I think she attempted to pursue this OM, 10 years younger, but was rejected and thus failed in her attempt. In a strange twist, I am fortunate that she is still hung up him. He is not interested, geographically not available, and hence the fantasy.

Escape and Avoid has been prevelent throughout the crisis for 1 year now. It's the reason why she fled last summer and the reason why last week she could not bring herself to come home from work because I was home waiting for a repairman. I saw her make the u turn when she recognized that I was home and jumped on the gas pedal. Usually I give her a 2 hour window after work to settle in. The repairman fouled up my routine.

It also explains all the shirts/pajamas that I find. "Hey boys if you like to party, then I'm your party girl", "what time is the after party". Innocent but also revealing.

It took me awhile to understand, but she is so depressed, it would be almost impossible for her to find the mental energy to be anything other than a Wallower.

[Roma]

Watcher and I finally came up with the same thought at the same time. My H maybe more of a Low Energy Wallower, with a few fantasy alternators.

My H first alienator  was his need to work crazy overtime with several different jobs and projects and with extreme lack of sleep.   Then it became this one married woman online fantasy where he wanted two wives. (Anyone  who follows my story realizes that polygamy is allowed in my culture if you choose to, however not allowed by me in my r!) Plus this particular woman has a husband already, yet still really wants this married woman to have his child and 'divorce' me and have her divorce her husband .     

Now it appears to be another woman, he fantasizes about. This next woman might just be a front to seem like he's done with the first one. Still it appears to be just another fantasy or just to save face from the first mess of a woman. Too soon to tell for sure.

My H is still in Escape and Avoid and has plans and dreams about going cross country to California in an RV, by himself.   I thought for a long time he was a clinger, until I realized the married woman was pure fantasy so now I go back to my original thought of him being a Wallower when I realize that married woman was just his strong desire. My H is way too depressed and has very low mental energy to do much of anything other than have a very active imagination.

[Roma]

Is what I read true?  If there is no ailienator they would come out of the crisis sooner? Especially if they are a Low Energy Wallower?

[Thunder]

Not necessarily Elegance.  It just makes it easier for them because their is no OP to influence or pressure them.
They have no other complication, in other words.

They may be have more time to think and figure things out with no distractions,
No guaranteed though. 
A Low Energy type is STILL in a crisis, it just seems milder.

[Roma]

I could have sworn I read somewhere if there was no ailienator, they would come out of the crisis faster.

[Watcher]

Elegance,

I think they will come out of the crisis when they come out of the crisis. The OP or lack there of, is not the crisis. The overall crisis is much larger than the OP.

My W is dissatisfied with life, her job, her faith, her home, her family, etc.... There's a lot more going on then just the OP.

[KeepItTogether]

Also, just my 2 cents, but an Alienator is not necessarily an OP. My H's Alienator is lacrosse (or was at the beginning) He coaches both a high school team and the team our S9 is on. He is coaching every single day and then volunteers for extra stuff that he could delegate, but doesn't b/c he is escaping. So really, as long as they have these "distractions" they are less likely to focus on their Self.  Now, they don't have an OP whispering in their ear, which is nice.

[Roma]

Very true Watcher. Yet as KIT said the alienator is NOT just an OP.

Exactly KIT. My H's first alienator was his work/multiple jobs/projects. 

I did read though somewhere that if there were NO alientor, the MLCer would come out of the crisis faster.

Maybe the less they focus on the alienator be it work, fantasy, tv character, volunteering, real, sports  or whatever, the more they focus on their issues and solve them.

[Watcher]

That's a good point KIT. My W threw herself into work, going to the gym, and gambling. She has tried many different distractions.