[Thunder]

In my humble opinion I think Wallower's take longer.  High Energy types live out their fantasy fast and furious, wallower's don't MOVE.   

[MIMIx]

Mines certainly not moving.  He is leaning on others to help him and is not really helping himself.  It seems that he can't.  He is trying to lean on the kids too...but they have their own busy lives.  He is NOT reaching out to me.  Although, I realize that he can't do this and still save his pride.  And that's okay because I'm totally fed up. 

[OldPilot]

I beleive that replay may end sooner for these types however the other stages may last longer and be more volatile.
They still must face their issues and although they are not trying to run away for as long, trying to reconnect can be very difficult.

Thats my .02

OP,

Just a quick question.
Why do you think that reconnecting is very difficult or harder for low energy MLC?

L

Not sure I know the reason, although I will think about it, more the observation of cases I have seen.
Low energy MLC'ers tend to not have an OM/OW and I agree with what STILL wrote, lots of depression.
Mostly OVERT depression although during replay it might be covert depression.

I think because there is no OM/OW might be why replay ends faster, just a guess.
But that doesn't mean that all is OK.

If I think of something else I will come back and post it.

So 4 years later I will modify what I wrote above, since I can now see things a little more clearly in retrospect.

Although I will agree with my assessment that REPLAY ends quickly what I will say is that even though the more high energy antics of REPLAY seems to end very quickly the ESCAPE and AVOID  portion do not end fast at all.

SO what appeared to me as the ending of REPLAY  in fact was just a twist in the way that it was playing out.
If I look at the low-energy MLC'ers in this thread  they are still in what seems to be an ESCAPE and AVOID mode.
Or at least they are not yet reconnecting with their LBS's.
TRUSTING's husband is reconnecting with his children, my ex is trying to do that with my children however no attempt has been made with the LBS's that I know of.

I can also see where a low energy mlc'er turns into a vanisher, mine did.

[Thunder]

OP, I think you're right, if I'm understanding correctly.  The replay ends sooner with Low Energy MICer's but the escape and avoid takes longer.

I didn't see any movement from mine for almost 3 years.  Then it was more depression after depression.
At the 4th year mark he started acting more like himself.  All his repay antics have completely stopped.

Now closing in to year 5 he is very much himself yet I still see he has a ways to go.  Still has lots of exhaustion, but he has reconnected with a few family members and our relationship is pretty good.

I'm hoping year 6 will be even better.  We'll see.   

[Onward]

Same with mine. Lots of Replay early on, trying to figure out "who he was" since he never had the chance to live alone. Some 180 changes - used to love burgers & a good stea; claims to be vegetarian now; loss of interest in former hobbies etc.

He continues in Escape & Avoid, shows signs of vanishing in that he has a high need for privacy. Doesn't want to share anything about his life.
Still in communication, though mostly restricted to admin issues. He responds almost instantly to texts from me.
Seems to be working with an IC, maybe.
No OW that I'm aware of, but definitely has at least 1 female friend who I think is EA, alienator.
I think he'll stay Escape & Avoid for a long, long time.

[Thunder]

Onward, you're probably right.  A year and a half in I saw zero changes.  ZERO

[limitless]

MiMix,

Thank you for the kind words.  Yes.  I am doing much better, now.   

Just for those of you who don't know my story...so well, my Ex left (ran away from home) - insisting that there was no one else....just that he didn't love ME anymore.  At first, I was perfect...there was NO NEED for me to change....that it was HE that was messed up (I'll second that motion!).

As time went by - he started to monster a bit toward me and say negative things to the kids about me. 

I remember one time being on the phone with him (I called him, of course) insisting that he had someone else.  He told me that I was crazy (and I should challenge anyone who was putting ideas in my head).  Then he said, that if he had someone - he would hide it so deep and so well that I would never find out anyway! 

Well, it did take some digging (I had to look in one of the drawers in the garage).  He had printed out his emails to his OW (his first wife from 30+ years before) - who he had clearly been carrying on with for quite some time before he left.  (2 months before BD - he promised her he would divorce me). 

Yes.  It was so deep and so quiet....and so hidden.   

When he started up with OW2 (after OW 1 dumped him, quickly) - I knew it right away....and then OW3 - yep....I knew.  He had her as his girlfriend for 2 years before acknowledging to the kids that he "had a friend."  LOL. 

Honestly, at the time it was devastating...now, after all this time it is almost laughable!  To think that his longest OW (so far) agreed to hide at the cemetery, while I attended his Mother's funeral with the rest of the family....honestly....who would put up with that type of treatment?  I had lunch with his family (and him) while she wasn't invited.  My father in law wanted her to stay away!

Fool.....what a total fool.  (Both of them, actually).

I am not surprised that it didn't work out.  She, clearly, had low self esteem (to put up with not being acknowledged for so long) and he clearly didn't think that much of her.  (to treat her in that manner).  They were perfect for each other - for quite some time.  He, later, tired of her neediness (or she did of his?) and told the kids that he no longer wanted to have to feel responsible for another person's happiness.

And so it goes.....

L

[Thunder]

Oh limitless this is just all so ridiculous.

I forgot how awful my first H treated me.  He was quite the womanizer.  I found out years later he hit on everyone of my gf's.  Even my sister's and my MOM, who was quite beautiful.

Of course they turned him down but not my BFF.   At the time she as an active alcoholic and in bad shape.  I have since forgiven her and she as no idea I know.  She has been sober for years now and I see no point in rehashing the past with her.  The past is the past.

My current X knows all this.  He was the total opposite of him.  Loyal, high morals and a decent man.

I guess that is why I have hope for him and stick it out.    

[KeepItTogether]

Been reading a lot about these low energy wall flower types and am pretty sure that is what mine is. He started with the dead-eyes, non communicative traits and then moved onto avoidance at all costs. He also insists that he is dead inside because I never really loved or wanted him/was repulsed by him and never respected him. He now lives with his parents and has told me "I'm no longer stressed or angry, but I am still unhappy."  Do they all move in with their parents by the way? 

My real question for those who have experience with this type is, I know I still need to detach for my own well-being (and sanity), but b/c he is so depressed and a little bit needy, am I also supposed to reassure him? I do plan on standing but I know being so available is a repellant to them. So confused.  Any advice with dealing with this type of MLCer would be greatly appreciated!

[Thunder]

Dear KeepIt,

Mine was a Low Energy type too.

I'm not sure it is any better than a High Energy type, but it does have its benefits.
They don't usually find ow's/om's.  Not that they don't try.

They life in more of a fantasy.  They want to party it up and be high energy but they just don't have the mental energy to do it.

Mine looked at dating sites but never followed through enough to really meet up with anyone.
I moved out of our house after the D because I couldn't afford the mortgage or the upkeep.  Otherwise I really don't know where he would have gone.  His parents are dead and he has no relatives or friends. 

BTW, mine said I never loved him too.