[Mac49]

2roads

Stay, Stay, Stay - As far as "renting" from him - NO, NO, NO

As a SAHM mom being thrust into his MLC you will need to protect yourself. A temporary order hearing assigning parental responsibilities, support and maintenance, custody, etc. would be decided at that hearing. Suffice it to say if he has abandoned the family home and parental responsibility the court probably won't look to favorably.

I kept the house, bought my X out, She doesn't like me driving by her house (Than don't live across from the school) but feels entitled to enter my house as her whims see it. Its always some minor thing involving the boys so I can't lock her out. This behavior also helps me to know that the fog is still hanging on her.

Peace on your journey little sister

Mac

[Thirsty Duck]

2roads,

I have a rental properties in both NS & NB so I may be able to provide you with some practical insights. Residential tenancies in NS are governed by the Residential Tenancies Act; attached is a summary of what you need to know. It is a statute requirement that the landlord provide the tenant with a copy of the Act within 10 days of signing the lease so that you know your legal rights.

http://www.cmhc-schl.gc.ca/en/co/reho/yogureho/fash/fash_007.cfm

A link to the Act is contained within this summary. All residential tenancies must also use the standard lease form as put forth by the province. Additional forms such as move in inspection reports can be found on the provincial tenancies board website.

As a landlord, your H would be required to give you a minimum of 24hrs notice before he can enter "occupied" portions of the property - ie the house. Upon giving notice to vacate the premise, no notice is legally required (although is is a common courtesy to do so). The landlord can access unoccupied portions of the property at any time.

The landlord is also entitled to have building "rules" over any above the statutory clauses - ie no smoking rules, or pet restrictions etc. Should you rent, please ensure you know of any additional rules in advance.

Also important is that the landlord is not required to rent you the entire property.For instance if you rent the house, it may not necessarily include any outbuildings or acreage. In many cases garages, parking spaces or pasture land can be rented extra and/or to other parties.

From a tax perspective, your H is only able to claim financing interest charges and maintenance  costs as deductions but he must also claim the rent revenue as income.

From a personal perspective, I bought out my W's share of the matrimonial home when she moved out. That was just over a year ago.  I did it mostly to provide my kids with some stability during the difficult transition of their mother leaving. Three weeks ago I lost my job when my company downsized; I have decided to sell my home. I love my home, it is filled with so many happy memories, but those memories are also constant reminders of another time. Who knows, maybe this is part of God's plan for me. My eldest S is joining the Forces this year, my D will likely be going away to university next year. This leaves me only my S13 (half time) in this great big house. I will move on - I have to; my W's actions are killing me on the inside. I'm not sure whether I will stay in NS or move to Toronto and stay with brother 1 or move to Europe and stay with brother 2.

If you have any specific questions concerning leases, just PM me.

[Moving Forward]

2.roads,
This is such an emotional topic, I can share what I have done.

At BD I wanted to keep things stable for my 2 children which meant keeping them in their school and home and in touch with as many friends and family as possible. My subsequent reading has show that this strategy has less negative impact on children as they begin to navigate their parent's separation. I simply wanted to try and find some solid ground to build on!

My home is owned on a joint mortgage with my exH. I am unable to get a mortgage for the same amount because I am self employed and the mortgage market is tough here in the UK! Couple that with a HUGE default which is registered against my exH at my address I am unable to get another mortgage until I am free of him financially, which will be when the joint mortgage is repaid.

So, as part of the financial settlement within the divorce, I have confirmed my share of the equity split from when our house sells. As part of the divorce I agreed to put my home up for sale. So my home has been up for sale for almost 18 months and the market isn't exactly rocking right now. This was tough going to sort at the time but it means that as my exH crisis has progressed I have not had to go back and renegotiate with him (he is still very much in crisis).

So my children and I live in our home as we have always done, sleepovers, parties, get togethers etc! We have moved furniture around, replaced old furniture, redecorated and jiggled things up a bit - we have done all of these things as a family i.e. we have redefined our family decision making process (which has been hilarious and has shown how boys and girls are so very different).

Unseen by my children I have cleared out cupboards and sorted things out so that when we move  I will be paying to move stuff we use and love now rather than my ex's junk! It has been cleansing and cathartic to reclaim our home for us as we choose to live our lives now.

2.roads, have you discussed this with your daughter. I have been so very impressed with how my 2 have handled the changes in their lives. I chose not to spring any nasty surprises on them and have been open, honest and age appropriate with them both about why we will be moving etc. They seem to have taken things in their stride and both often comment that our home is happier and calmer with their Dad gone.

2.roads, I hope that talking this issue through has helped you gain an insight into the choices you have - it amazed me to read the advice Thirsty Duck gave you _ wow who'd have thought that you'd 'meet' a landlord with properties in your neck of the woods!

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

If you stayed...did you eventually get past the emotions that living in the home of your marriage stirs up...?

Yes I am already past the emotions that living on my own in our marital home stirs up.  At first I didn't think I'd be able to do it, but I eventually (after my H had been gone well over 6 months) moved the furniture all around in ways we never had it before and in different rooms so this configuration reminds me nothing of our days together.  I replaced pictures of us with ones that are of people who have supported me throughout his MLC.  Now it's just my place.
Honestly though, those first several months were torture, I have to admit.  Time is what it takes, and there are no shortcuts.  The pain will subside after enough time.

[Phoenix]

As a SAHM mom being thrust into his MLC you will need to protect yourself. A temporary order hearing assigning parental responsibilities, support and maintenance, custody, etc. would be decided at that hearing. Suffice it to say if he has abandoned the family home and parental responsibility the court probably won't look to favorably.

Hi 2.Roads, are you negotiating with your H or through attorneys?  Are you oufactors on your side. The courts could decide, under these circumstances to let you reside in the home until your D graduates so she does not have to be uprooted. Then, the home could be sold, or better yet the court should let you keep it for "services rendered" as wife and mother and as partial payment for damages from what your H has done  ( I can dream, right?). As I've been saying on my own thread, if these spouses/parents want to leave, that is their prerogative, but then life needs to be left in tact for the rest of the family. To have a legal process that supports a person leaving spouse, children and responsibilities with the expectation that said spouse has not also forfeited some of their rights to assets is absurd. What ever happened to "you can't have it both ways?" 

Really check this out legally before you make any decision or agreement.

Best!
Phoenix

[CrazyStupidLove]

I think this is such a hard decision to make. I am currently living in the home, and have been for almost 4 years since BD. I am however, planning my "getaway" and I will explain that more in a minute as to the why.

Quick background:
We had been together 16 years at BD and not legally married. He chose to leave the house after I threatened to leave him 2 years ago. He is now living at OW's home. He tells me that he is "staying" there, not living there. He has been having an affair with same OW for almost 4 years straight.

So for almost 4 years now...this man has come and gone as he pleases in this house because he pays ALL the bills, even now. I feel like I am like a tenant and he is my landlord, yet this landlord does not collect rent. Even though HE abandoned the family, he still acts like he is part of it. He has spent most holidays here at the house, without an invitation from myself. I fought long and hard to keep this man away but because I have two teenage daughters who wanted their father here in their home, I lost that battle. I literally gave up trying to keep him out of the house. It has NEVER worked and only caused me grief.  There were days where I wouldn't even come home from work if I knew he was at the house. The only way I knew he was at our home was if I did a slow drive by and saw his truck parked out front, and then I would go park in a grocery store parking lot and wait it out for an hour till he would leave...well that got to be ridiculous so I would just go home and then try to ignore him as he sat on the couch with my daughters while they watched a movie.

Which leads me to the WHY I am leaving the home.
I have never been given a chance, in 4 years.... to heal, without seeing this man almost EVERY single day. It's like having a really deep cut...that is constantly whacked on so it becomes infected and festers and never heals, day in and day out. I have read tons of posts on this forum about staying in the home..but for me...I can't do it. I can't keep watching him leave every night to go back to OW's house. I have to say that I am not as emotional about it and have detached pretty well for the most part...but I need to get myself out of this type of living arrangement. I know deep down that this is not healthy for my emotional well being. His main excuse to get into the home is always about the kids. I feel like he has manipulated all 3 of us into believing that he has a right to come into this home whenever he feels like it. Mainly he tells me that it's HIS HOUSE because he pays for everything. Even though I had been SAHM for 7 years with the kids and pretty much full time caregiver/parent while he has worked out of state, for the other 9 years. I am now 100% full time caregiver , while he only makes "visits" to see his girls. This is not court ordered, this is HIS choice! He does NOT want his girls overnight, unless he plans a vacation and then he takes them out of state somewhere.

Anyway...I know my situation is different as I have no grounds legally to keep him out of the house. My name was never put on the mortgage, something I look back at now and kick myself for...but at the time I was a stay at home mom and figured that I would never qualify for the loan with no income...It came back to bite me in the butt.  The crazy part is that he does not want me to leave the home, and has no problem taking care of the entire bill to keep me here. Emotionally...can't do it. He has no idea what my plans are. I tried to tell him about 6 months ago but he didn't want to listen. Like SavingGrace has mentioned...I am making his life SO easy by being the responsible tenant. He doesn't have to worry about the house while he is off playing. He has a full time baby sitter, and full time dog sitter, full time pool person and I keep the house nice because essentially it's my house too right? He doesn't have to worry about bad renters, or someone trashing his house, or someone smoking in it or breaking anything. His kids are living in HIS home so he doesn't have to worry about what type of environment his kids are living in. He gains access pretty much everyday whenever he feels like it...he still carries the housekeys on his keychain. I NEVER get the full privacy that I deserve. He always has an idea of what I'm doing, how I live, how my life operates. He even has the kids asking me "where are you going" when I get into my car, because their father has primed them to not let me out of their sight without an explanation of what I'm up to. I will never be okay living like this. I have come to that conclusion... so for now, I am paying off some credit cards that are in my name...trying to pay off my car, working full time, saving money and then I am leaving. I still love him and I am standing to a degree....but I am not staying in the house...If he ever wants to make anything work...he can come figure out how to get me back.

[ALL I WANNA BE IS DONE]

Well- my story might be different from others I just returned to the forum after trying to repair the damage that was done but I couldn't do it alone.

 Three years ago approx 2 weeks after the divorce was final ( I had signed off everything because he threatened my life) ExH moved his floozy into the house we had bought together. This destroyed my D's ( and myself) We had live in the home for 10 years before he blew his gasket.

Due to some circumstances the girls and I moved back in after the OW moved out.

Honestly I never liked the house to begin with but it was better than the one we had before. But moving back in after she had been there was not a healthy thing for me to do.

Anyway I did finally talk him into listing it-not that I was going to make any money but the taxes are ridiculous  there is no mortgage. I did this trying to protect the investment for the future of the girls as he is unemployed. With the money it might generate he could easily buy a smaller house in an area where the tax rate was better and maybe have money left over for a rental apartment somewhere.

I invested in a rental with the money I got from him when the divorce was final AND I was giving him all the money I had extra to pay the bills at the main house. So I know what you mean about tenant and landlord.

Now he's kicked me out again and I moved into an apartment not far from the house.

I'll tell you something the memories of what happened up there (whether I was there or not) I do not want. No amount of remodeling or paint or anything would get me to live there again.  He could email me tomorrow and tell me he'd give it to me and HE'D leave and I'd rather pitch a tent than to live there.

But everyone has a different experience and sometimes the answers aren't clear.

It's been 3 years almost to the very day I moved out the last time and BELIEVE me I am NOT going back again.

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

I am staying in the marital home and yes, I've gotten over the feelings that it stirs up.  I changed furniture around, put up different pictures etc.  I've been fortunate, mainly because part of my H's running is running from any ties and responsibilities.
We're underwater on our mortgage.  My H in his MLC can only focus on short-term.
So to him, signing a quitclaim deed to relinquish all rights to me was smart.  This is a man who is a few years from 40 and now has no investments.  No property.  No retirement account.  No savings.  Not even health insurance.  But in his teenager's mentality, since he stopped paying toward our mortgage his cashflow is strong so he's feeling invincible.  And wise.  In a few years, if the market starts to recover, is he going to feel wise then?  I feel the mother of all facepalms coming on... hehehe.
These types of decisions make him feel free but he is only free of good sense now.