[heroIam]

This is a good topic.  I gather that if there is no remorse, they aren't fully whole and returning with good intentions.
But I don't know.  Maybe others more qualified can comment.  My H returned once only for me to learn OW wasn't totally gone. 

As lonely as it gets sometimes and as much as I'd like to have my H home, I don't want my H to return unless it's for real -  and OW is long gone and a distant memory.

[Thunder]

I think most of them do come back with remorse but some don't express it in words.  They show you by actions.
I don't know, a sincere apology is nice to hear but maybe the actions really mean more in the long run.

It's possible your H could say those words down the road.  Maybe their just too hard to say right now.

[Sally Wood]

Hero - Since it is in baby coaster mode, I still get the cycles of nice and then cool.  I do wonder if the EA (or PA?) is still around or if he is just still going through affair withdrawal.   Bomb drop and revelation was September 2015 so it hasn't been that long and I know for a fact that contact continued at least through November or December.  He kept buying her two year old son gifts.  I saw pics on the computer that she had sent him with her son in front of a huge pile of toys.  Yeah she was married too. 

Thunder - I suppose he may get to saying he was sorry at some point.  I thought that when I stepped up to the apology plate that he would also - it was an opportunity for him.

Just wondered if any of the posters had MLCer returns that expressed remorse. 

Sally

[JD]

Mine expressed remorse, once.  He had gone to Mexico to see a friend's child married.  I was working and could not go.  He came back with amethysts,in silver  indicated he was sorry for all he put me through and gave me the jewellery with tears in his eyes. 
That's all that's been said.  The rest he shows, he's unfailingly kind and considerate.

[Ready2Transform]

So called "normal" affairs have remorseful spouses afterward. In MLC, this isn't the norm. I've been around here since 2012, and the reconciled marriages I know of didn't start with a lot of expressions of sorrow or willingness to work through anything. Most had an MLCer with nowhere else to turn, or just a gradual reintroduction to their old lives. I'm one who believes there is a chemical imbalance behind the drastic and sudden change, so I don't believe they would suddenly be capable of deeper emotional connection or empathy without first addressing that. During what were the closest thing to "lucidity" my former spouse had after his affair was revealed, he felt sorry that he'd caused pain, but not sorry that he'd done it. Not very attractive! But again, time showed he was not fully cooked, either.

[Medusa]

So called "normal" affairs have remorseful spouses afterward. In MLC, this isn't the norm. I've been around here since 2012, and the reconciled marriages I know of didn't start with a lot of expressions of sorrow or willingness to work through anything. Most had an MLCer with nowhere else to turn, or just a gradual reintroduction to their old lives. I'm one who believes there is a chemical imbalance behind the drastic and sudden change, so I don't believe they would suddenly be capable of deeper emotional connection or empathy without first addressing that. During what were the closest thing to "lucidity" my former spouse had after his affair was revealed, he felt sorry that he'd caused pain, but not sorry that he'd done it. Not very attractive! But again, time showed he was not fully cooked, either.

Mine was once "sorry" to have put me through it. That was about a year ago. He's still cooking.

[Jaybeecee]

I think sorry and true remorse are different things.  My STBX apologizes for hurting me on an almost monthly basis.  Always the same wording too "For what it's worth, I'm sorry I hurt you."

  I do believe he is sorry for causing me hurt.  However as he is deep in MLC, he cannot see the depth of the damage he caused nor do anything to show my by his actions that he is remorseful.  Remorse to me means trying to right the wrong, in his case, ending it with OW and fixing himself.  That is way too overwhelming for him in his present state.

[SunshineThroughRain]

I think sorry and true remorse are different things.  My STBX apologizes for hurting me on an almost monthly basis.  Always the same wording too "For what it's worth, I'm sorry I hurt you."

  I do believe he is sorry for causing me hurt.  However as he is deep in MLC, he cannot see the depth of the damage he caused nor do anything to show my by his actions that he is remorseful.  Remorse to me means trying to right the wrong, in his case, ending it with OW and fixing himself.  That is way too overwhelming for him in his present state.

YES YES YES!  I could have written this.  My H has said numerous times "For what it's worth, I'm sorry for hurting you."  However, I don't believe he's at all sorry for his actions, and he's become so narcissistic I truly think he's only sorry for hurting me because it makes him look bad and his image is #1.     There isn't an OW that I am aware of (YET), but alienators in other forms (see my thread). 

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Mine EX H hasn't show anything. He's nicer now, but I don't think that he believes that he's done anything wrong. I believe that he's living with the AD. He still hasn't told my younger 2 girls. Not sure why. He and she have posted all of their lives together on FB. I don't think that the EX is aware of any of the damage that he's caused.

The girls go see him next month. Only time will tell if he will be remorseful for what he's done. The closest I've seen, was in the beginning when he said that he wasn't a bad guy. That's about it. He's still in EA and definitely living in Replay. I think that the AD is living a permanent MLC. She doesn't seem to have much going for her, and I think that she's definitely prolonging this with the damsel in distress act. So, I'm pretty sure that she keeps him believing that he's done nothing wrong, and that she's the right one for him.

[Nas]

So called "normal" affairs have remorseful spouses afterward. In MLC, this isn't the norm. I've been around here since 2012, and the reconciled marriages I know of didn't start with a lot of expressions of sorrow or willingness to work through anything. Most had an MLCer with nowhere else to turn, or just a gradual reintroduction to their old lives. I'm one who believes there is a chemical imbalance behind the drastic and sudden change, so I don't believe they would suddenly be capable of deeper emotional connection or empathy without first addressing that. During what were the closest thing to "lucidity" my former spouse had after his affair was revealed, he felt sorry that he'd caused pain, but not sorry that he'd done it. Not very attractive! But again, time showed he was not fully cooked, either.

Mine was once "sorry" to have put me through it. That was about a year ago. He's still cooking.

Mine wrote to me just before he moved 1000 miles to live near OW: "I'm sorry, Nassau.  You don't believe me.  You never will, but I am."
As if the circumstances are just beyond his control.

When he told me he was moving he also said, "I know I handled everything wrong."
I've seen no indication that he really sees or cares how much damage he's caused me.  I don't want to hear "sorry."  I'd like to see some accountability, but there has been none and may never be.