[brokenhearted]

Hi just me again, wondering if anyone could offer insight to my previous post on this thread.  Just to review...my partner seemed to be in a deep depression prior to 1st bd.  He had a checkup and his testosterone was very low.  Could not do anything about it due to the heart medicine he was on.  His doctor now has him on new heart medicine so he can take the testosterone.  The last time I saw him ghe seemed so normal, content with the ow. Not the hyper, angry,or depressed man he had been for so long.
Is it possible the the testosterone lifted him out of MLC and depression?  Or is MLC much more linked to past experiences. Would the testosterone have helped/would an antidepressent help someone in MLC?  I rarely see him, seems to pretty much have vanished...maybe deeper in the tunnel? Or maybe coming out of the depression and just wanting to move on with ow. It is so confusing still to me.
Less and less contact, seems to be rebuilding our life with the ow? Thank you for any ideas/input.

[Shantilly Lace]

Ok lovey you may not like what I'm going to say and you need to read everything I type. 
New medication that has made him feel manly again means he is feeling good. So he is thinking right now ow has helped him with this and he most probably is content.
That's hard to hear I know.

Here the thing chances are he is hiding his depression. He can have sex and ow is making himfeel ok and a man. So he is avoiding. It will come rou d and bite him though. I staved off full blown post natal depression till after my second child. I had been depressed before that though. Chances are he will swing down again, when who knows. But replay is all about trying to find happiness and they will will look happy because they think they have solved all their problems.... You and the way their life was. But it doesn't last.
You can't hide forever.
Dearheart looks I'll for ages then started looking good and now just llooks plain exhausted and things aren't making him happy again.  Ds have said a few comments that he has made about ow. And that I heard at the beginning a d they disappeared totally only to sometimes reappear.
YOu don't know what goes on inside. So he may be happy, he may be faking. You don't know.
Hay is why you need to concentrate on you not him.

[brokenhearted]

Hi Shantilly. Thank you so much for your reply. I value your wisdom and your taking the time to share. I read what you said and it has helped me sort things out. You are right, if he is able to perform again sexually he is probably linking it to her rather than the new medicine. Not being able to perform he probably links to me rather than his heart problems and depression.
I guess I was just wondering if testosterone or an anti -depressants could remove the depression they have. If it did and MLC is. Linked to depression would taking these drugs be able to bring them out of MLC.
Your response helped me realize that even if the testosterone lifts his mood and does away with his ED that his underlying childhood issues and sadness over the loss in his life are still there even if hidden under his current infatuation and "fun".  Is that correct?
I have been working to focus on me. I have had no contact since I posted this original questions. I guess I cycle because sometimes I miss him so much, sometimes when I think of all he has done I don't believe I would ever want him back.
I am more content in my house, comfortable I guess. I guess that is good.
Thanks for adding some clarity to my thinking. 

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

Hi all,
My H had his first problem with this just the other day.  I'm concerned because we're only in our 30s now; I figured this might happen later on in our marriage.  Anyway we were attempting to be intimate but for the first time it wasn't possible, and my H was angry.  He stormed off to take a shower, stomping around and slamming doors, and I was like, uh-oh.  What does this mean?  He's no longer attracted to me like before?  I don't want to read too much into it and I probably wouldn't without all this MLC chaos surrounding our lives, but as things are, I worry.  After his shower he was in a better mood toward me, no longer angry.  I hope this doesn't get him to thinking he's got to look elsewhere.  I certainly didn't try to get him to talk about it, I just left it alone, and hopefully that was just some sort of anomaly.  Our R doesn't need any other problem!

[In this for ME]

That is the quandry isn't it Wed??
To talk about it or not.

I have decided I have to. Even with all the problems there are.

Next problem.
 How?
Next problem.
 When?

I only  thing  I know it has to be done with a whole lot of love and caring.

[moc]

Wed2Him4Ever - I wonder how much he is drinking?  Alcohol and caffeine produces will seriously affect the prostate which will directly affect libido/performance.  IT IS A BIG DEAL FOR US.  Sorry, not meaning to yell but, it is.  I went through testosterone testing and up to prostate biopsy not to find anything wrong.  I decreased my weight and increased my "water" intake (no thanks to MLC wife, but maybe was a blessing in disguise) and this increased my libido/performance.  If I gain back 5-7 lbs. by being relaxed, it affects me.  If he is getting his intimacy elsewhere, depending on frequency, this will affect the "number of times" he can perform.  Not trying to sugar coat it, just giving my experience.  And yes, medications dramatically affect the response of the male.  I quit my prostate meds and was able to be better for awhile.

brokenhearted - is there a family history of low T or prostate/colon cancer?  Has he seen a urologist regarding this?  As mentioned above, the prostate can dramatically affect your H.  There are several "cheap" meds that the urologist can put him on to relieve an enlarged prostate and assist otherwise.  There is no shame in getting male enhancement drugs...I had to let my ego go on that one as I reached age 40.  I also have a family history so I want to be here for my children as long as I can so as to thwart any dangers. 

WP - sorry to hear about the loss of interest.  Some H want to be wanted sexually.  We want to be pursued also.  Sometimes with a 2x4 (oh, sorry, that doesn't sound good, let me clarify) they need to be TOLD: "hey, come over here and get me now".  We don't READ THE CLUES OR INNUENDOS WELL.  If the innuendo is very subtle, you will be disappointed, guaranteed.  We also don't like rejection as nobody does.  After years in a marriage/relationship, I know that the chase for sex with my wife is not exciting.  That is something I have to work on, rejection.  After being told "no" in one way shape or form, I will not try again.  Then the complaints arise and the why didn't I try harder.  Because, I HEARD NO.  We can be simple creatures most of the time.

NewBeginnings - wow, what a blow to the ego.  Here is the thing after BD, there is some truth that comes out.  After my wife threw BD, a few months later I told her that I wanted more and had always.  She had no idea and that she always said that I could come to her nearly at any time if she didn't want to.  Simple for her to tell me to say (and sorry for the truthfulness): "lay down and let me love you".  Sorry.  But it goes back to the rejection and wanting to woo my wife into ML instead of just the connection of sex. 

faithled - a true doctor would never say that...I am calling BS on loss of love to be loss of libido.

BTW ladies, not to be smack dab honest...IF...your H is taking care of himself...ahem, no need to go further...without OW, alone, bathroom, etc...and it is fairly frequent...this will drop the desire to connect with the wife.  Like I said, sorry to be so blunt, if you don't think your H is not taking care of himself on his own...manually (sorry)...then you have now been educated.  Even though my W is in MLC...and is probably still communicating or whatever with pos dirtbag OM, or different pondscum OM, or in her crazy talk with maybe wanting to try OW...we were still having sex.  Even after I found out and she told me the OM was gone (not buying it, behaviors are still there) we are still having sex.  Albeit, it is less than I would like, but we still have that connection.  When she is not there...well...I am faithful to my wife and don't stray...and she is in my headspace when I need to be manual.  Not trying to be gross...just human and real.

[WarriorPriestess]

WP - sorry to hear about the loss of interest.  Some H want to be wanted sexually.  We want to be pursued also.  Sometimes with a 2x4 (oh, sorry, that doesn't sound good, let me clarify) they need to be TOLD: "hey, come over here and get me now".  We don't READ THE CLUES OR INNUENDOS WELL.  If the innuendo is very subtle, you will be disappointed, guaranteed.  We also don't like rejection as nobody does.  After years in a marriage/relationship, I know that the chase for sex with my wife is not exciting.  That is something I have to work on, rejection.  After being told "no" in one way shape or form, I will not try again.  Then the complaints arise and the why didn't I try harder.  Because, I HEARD NO.  We can be simple creatures most of the time.

Hey Moc, thanks for the response.  Actually I was very direct with H.  Once hints stopped working I definitely pursued sexually.  He didn't respond well to that- said it should be the man who pursued.  But he certainly wasn't initiating anything!  So I was stuck in a no win situation when it came to sex unfortunately. 

[NewBeginnings]

moc ~ Well honestly, I have to say it wasn't a blow to my ego.  I know it was not me.  I take care of myself, and I am very attractive.  I get hit on all the time.
My H is overweight and even more so now.  He gained 20 lbs. with 5 months of leaving me or shall I say abandoning me!    He has high blood pressure and  also since leaving he was diagnosed with COPD and asthma.  I believe he went into replay spring of 2010 as that is when his EA started and thats when he didn't feel like sex anymore.  PH started I think in Sept. and thats when he really didn't want anything to do with me.     I did not find out about his EA or PA until April of this year.  I do know medications can have alot to do with it but he was also depressed since 2006.  I kept telling him to go to the Dr. for it but he wouldn't.  He did have his Testosterone
checked and it was very low, borderline so the Dr. didn't do anything about it.   I really think his problem was the depression which kept getting worse and worse and his medications.  He even told me once last year he felt dead inside, numb.  So I think he really wanted to have an affair......he needed some excitement in his life.  I just can't believe the "Affair Down" he chose.     I just can't see him with a low life like that.  But he is her Knight and Shining Armour and is happy so what can I say.

NB

[Wed2Him?Whatever.]

Wed2Him4Ever - I wonder how much he is drinking?  Alcohol and caffeine produces will seriously affect the prostate which will directly affect libido/performance.  IT IS A BIG DEAL FOR US.  Sorry, not meaning to yell but, it is.  I went through testosterone testing and up to prostate biopsy not to find anything wrong.  I decreased my weight and increased my "water" intake (no thanks to MLC wife, but maybe was a blessing in disguise) and this increased my libido/performance.  If I gain back 5-7 lbs. by being relaxed, it affects me.  If he is getting his intimacy elsewhere, depending on frequency, this will affect the "number of times" he can perform.  Not trying to sugar coat it, just giving my experience.  And yes, medications dramatically affect the response of the male.  I quit my prostate meds and was able to be better for awhile.

I appreciate the candor.  I don't know how much my H is drinking, as he is doing it on the quiet for the most part.  What I do know is he has begun dipping Skoal again, and drinks Red Bull every chance he gets.  Diet is very poor.  Last night in bed he looked at me and asked, "Do you think I'm good, like good-looking, handsome...?"  I smiled and nodded my head enthusiastically.  He said, "No you don't, you think I'm fat."    I don't know why he would say that, and I can't remember when he last asked if I like his looks, if he has ever asked me that.  It was a very strange exchange and I'm not sure what to make of all this.

[In this for ME]

MOC- Thank you for your candor..
Wed-
I am starting to realize this is what they need a lot of. HONEST praise.

 My exH is overweight also but it has never bothered me. I tell him I love his body. And make up funny stuff like I make him lay there in the morning and tell him I need to rub his butt so I can get my RDA ( Rub Dat Ass). He absolutly purrs at the attention I give him and this is what he needs. He's close to being insatiable for the affection and attention.