[Trustandlove]

A while before BD I did hear him say that he felt he had no identity; at the time I had no idea that this would blow up into such a crisis, I thought I understood the context in which he said it, and thought that it was something that would just be worked through.

That's not meant to be one of those odd MLC things -- more just confirmation that MLC really is a crisis of identity, and that yes, they do have moments of clarity.  Mine has had those several times during this mess, more earlier on than more recently. 

[calamity]

I think someone mentioned these.

It is what it is.

It just happened.

You can't turn back the clock.  [I said, you're having a damn good try.]

I wish it had never happened but it did.

[Bewildered]

I too got

'I have no home'  as well as
these two already mentioned -

It is what it is.

It just happened.

+ 'You painted the study and this is because you don't want me at home'
  -(6 months after BD and my study, which he hated the colour of it)

To daughter - 'I am all alone in this world' (12 months ago when his mother died)

He is still terrified of our home wont come near but his post still comes here and he just joined a new gym 300 miles away  and used this address 

The best one i get fro him is "You are so mean to me" even get it when I have not done/said anything - usually said by him witin seconds into a conversation ....

[Returned]

I am still laughing about the french toast thing...

It sounded like my H was proposing something similar just two days ago...

[Duthla]

More from my H:

We just didn't connect. We couldn't read each other's mind.

You bought furniture we both don't like just to prove you could buy it.

You didn't love me.

I left our marriage and home so because we were separated, this is not an affair.

(When asking him about items he took from our home while I was at work and not telling me about it)
I took it a while ago so it's not stealing.

You and S were slobs. Things lying around all over the house.
(Note: one cannot see the wood on H's desk for all the paperwork strewn everywhere. And under the desk. And around it. And migrating over to S's art table.)

[Returned]

Calamity my H also gave me the

"It just happened" line

As if it was something totally out of his control, like the weather outside.

[cherryblossom]

After BD I put a lot of H's books and other things in his wardrobe because I couldn't bear to look at them.  I'd also pinned some positive affirmations in the bathroom and kitchen - to help me through each day

His first visit home after BD I wasn't there initially but when I arrived home he'd ripped down my affirmations, thrown them in the bin and demanded that I put all his books back on the bookshelf.  I refused and he said:

You're so disrespectful 

[Stillpraying]

At BD I reminded my H that we had promised each other before we got married that divorce was NEVER going to be an option.

He said "I know, but this is different." 

(You can't make this up......)

I asked my H why he Divorced his first wife because I wanted to know as I didn't want him leaving me after ten years .  He replied "That was different"  Still haunts me.

[Lottie]

My exH accused me of not even being a member of a book club!
The only thing he could recall that he loved me for was that I made good salads.
I hadn't encouraged him to get a holiday home or a boat.
He had been forced to sleep with another woman as I hadn't "nurtured him properly", and I had spent too much time with the kids,
I hadn't booked a table at a restaurant for us to have supper seven years ago, and lastly, I could not drive  a project through from start to finish and our marriage ( 25 years) had never been a partnership, it was always 80/20 power to him.

[Slow Fade]

You and S were slobs. Things lying around all over the house.
(Note: one cannot see the wood on H's desk for all the paperwork strewn everywhere. And under the desk. And around it. And migrating over to S's art table.)

Oh I'm glad I'm not the only one who got this! H was same way, he was the clutterbug in the family. Now his house looks like an army barracks; Spartan and cold. No pictures, no mementos, no reminders. And that is better???