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Author Topic: Mirror-Work Inspirational Thoughts

J
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Mirror-Work Inspirational Thoughts
OP: September 23, 2010, 07:02:12 AM
Hi, I am very new into this journey (BD one month ago), and I just started posting yesterday (here is my story http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=385.0)

Today, I'm really trying to stay positive.  I have some errands to run that will get me out of the house (and away from H) and I'm meeting a good friend for lunch.  I thought it would be good for me to make a list of everything I am grateful for.  Please feel free to add if you want.

1. My faith in a higher power.  This brings me inner peace and strength when times are tough.

2. My wonderful son and daughter.  They are such a blessing and we have a great relationship.  They are 13 and 14 and are well adjusted.  They do not know everything going on, but I know they will get through this as they learn more.

3.  I have supportive family and friends.  Lately I've been trying to reconnect and strengthen my friendship with positive friends.

4.  I am healthy.

5.  I am independent.

6.  I have a career that pays well, and I do not completely depend on H financially.

7.  I am blessed that my employer has an EAP program that allows for up to six free counseling sessions.  My counselor understands MLC and believes marriages should be preserved.

8.  I found this great site with wonderful articles and a supportive community!!!

9.  Even though H has hurt me deeply, I am capable of showing unconditional love and forgiving him.

10.  I am learning not to blame myself for this crisis, and I am learning about the journey H is going through.

11.  I am able to proudly wear my wedding ring, and I do not have to remove it to try to justify behavior.  I do not have to hide my hand in my pocket when I see old friends and family.

12.  I am able to live my life without the shame and self-loathing that happens when people make bad decisions.

13.  I can look my kids in the eye and spend time with them without feeling guilty.

14.  I am not running away from an internal demon and turning to destructive ways to feel better.

15.  I have a beautiful home with woods so I can go on walks and enjoy nature.

Thanks, I think today is going to be a better day than yesterday...
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Re: Inspirational Thoughts
#1: September 23, 2010, 07:07:57 AM
Thanks for posting this, it is very positive.
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S
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Re: Inspirational Thoughts
#2: September 23, 2010, 12:03:38 PM
Thanks for posting this, Sharon.

Though this journey has been difficult, I am incredibly blessed to have a God that loves me and keeps his arm around my shoulder (and his hand over my mouth, when necessary). I know that he is with me no matter what.

I am so thankful for my children. My adult daughter is a wonderful friend to me, but allows me to do the mothering that I need to do. My twins10 are healthy and happy. They make me laugh everyday at the innocence they still have. They desperately still want to believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, but know that logically those things do not exist. They still play the role to keep Mom young at heart.

I am thankful for the man my husband was.....for the man who I pray someday returns. I am glad he still lives here, still pays the bills, and still sits at the dinner table with us.

I am so thankful for my church family. They have known my H since he was a boy. They understand we have difficulties. They support us as a family, but do not interfere in the paths we need to walk.

I am so thankful for friends who keep tabs on my family and try to include us as much as possible.

I am thankful for a job with an employer that understands when I need a "mental health" day. An employer who cares about me and my family situation.

I am thankful for a wonderful home that I love being in at a location I find peaceful and safe.

I could go on and on, but my life is amazing in so many ways.
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I
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Re: Inspirational Thoughts
#3: November 09, 2010, 01:37:38 PM
"In dealing with those who are undergoing great suffering, if you feel "burnout" setting in, if you feel demoralized and exhausted, it is best, for the sake of everyone, to withdraw and restore yourself. The point is to have a long-term perspective."  :)
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B
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Re: Inspirational Thoughts
#4: November 09, 2010, 07:21:14 PM
Good inspiration for dark/NC
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Pain is not a punishment, pleasure not a reward.  ~Pema Chodron

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.  ~Oscare Wilde

M 33
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Married 9 years
3 children (D8, D3 and S7months)
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Re: Inspirational Thoughts
#5: December 29, 2010, 08:56:09 AM
Dear Sisters and Brothers on the MLC Journey,
This piece was forwarded to me today and I thought there might be comfort and inspiration in it for others as well.  It did not arrive with a copyright notation or indication that it could not be shared, so I trust that is the case.  I am not to this point of "awakening" yet, but I dream of the day that it is so, and I can finally finally exchange the grief and pain for joy and hope.
Wishing all of us a brighter New Year,
Phoenix

A New Year, A New You!
By Virginia Swift


2011 holds great potential for you...because you are here. You want something different. The affair in your life has been a wake up call. It is a catalyst that puts you on a new superhighway of personal awareness and dedicated action.

You want to learn, to transform your life and your relationships. Yes, you can do it. Yes, you will do it. You want to awaken a new you!

One of you sent me this short article which paints a picture of who you and all of us can become. Read it. Print it out. Carry it with you. Reflect. Have this be your guiding light, your vision for you in 2011. As you do, you will find that you will become exceedingly attractive. Cool!

The Awakening

A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions). And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop b!tc#ing and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children of what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don't know everything: it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms...just to make you happy.

And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely...And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up". You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK...and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want... and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch...and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest.

And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help. You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time. FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.


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Re: Inspirational Thoughts
#6: December 29, 2010, 09:38:14 AM
I received this in Dr Bob's newsletter recently. I am not sure I agree with all of the points (still processing), but it is certainly thought provoking and inspirational.

Thanks for posting it!
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"Midway upon the journey of life, I found myself within a forest dark For the straightforward path had been lost"

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Re: Inspirational Thoughts
#7: December 29, 2010, 10:56:19 AM
Wonderful, what a way to start focusing on the New year and a new life. Thank you for posting it!
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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Re: Inspirational Thoughts
#8: December 29, 2010, 11:53:19 AM
Great post. So much of it truly resonated with me. New year and new opportunities for a better us!
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Re: Inspirational Thoughts
#9: February 22, 2011, 05:45:16 PM
Hi everyone found this and thought the words and quotes were really helpful so wanted to share them xxx

No matter how defeated you feel on some days, don’t allow yourself to stay down. Work along with God, to pull yourself up. The Bible
says in Philippians 4:13-14, “Forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth into those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus!” So in other words, Press on, reaching for victory.

I’m reminded of Eric Liddell (the man who won an olympic race and was featured in the movie, “Chariots of Fire”). In an earlier race, Eric was a strong favorite to win the 440 yard dash at the 1923 Triangular International. However, 15 yards after the start, he laid sprawled across the track infield — the victim of an intentional tripping incident.

At that point he had a decision to make, to give up or to finish the race. Eric decided to pick himself up and resume his race. With the finish line drawing near, Eric Liddell drew upon his upmost reserves. In the end, he crossed the tape 3 yards ahead of his nearest competitor… the man who tripped him.

Now of course, not all endings are as glorious as this one. But the biggest point isn’t whether Eric won or not, but rather what he did when he was faced with defeat — the loss of a dream that he worked so very hard at — one that appeared to be sabotaged (& for you, it is the loss of an “untainted” marriage caused by your husband’s cheating). Eric could have laid there and cried and screamed “foul” — which he would have been justified in doing. But instead, he reached within and grabbed onto the courage to “finish the race” … and thankfully, he did it well.

That’s what I’m suggesting for you when you go through those times of feeling defeated. It’s easy to concentrate on the “foul” that has been thrust at you as a wife… not only did your husband trip you, he pushed you into a horrible nightmare. Keep asking God to show you how to proceed from “this day forward” “reaching forth” so you are able to “press on” in life… looking for what God wants to do in your life now and in the future. You will never forget what has happened to you, but you don’t have to keep living in the past. You and God can build a future together.

As for this child being a living reminder, yes, it’s a difficult situation to be thrust into. But God does His best work in us when we are faced with that which is most difficult.

I’ve just gone through a Beth Moore Bible Study on the book of Esther. It’s titled, “Esther: It’s Tough Being a Woman”… and it is. In this Bible study, I learned several things about how to be a woman of honor even when others throw dirt on you. A few things Beth brought up in this study that might inspire you (as it has me in different ways) is:

– “Sometimes God works through miracles and other times through the individual.”
– “When we trust our lives to the unseen but ever-present God, He will write our lives into His story and every last one of them will turn out to be a great read, with a grand ending.”
– “You cannot amputate your history from your destiny (& the history of what your husband did against you and your marriage is now part of your journey in life). You cannot become the person you’re to become without your history. God will tie it together — that’s what redemption is.”
– “Maybe God allows ‘Hamans’ (or troubles) to come along so we’ll quit being so at home here on earth.”
– “God will often use something huge to turn us into another direction — a direction He wants us to head down (instead of the path we used to be headed down). It will often be a crisis that God will use to pivot our direction.”
– “Remember, destiny appoints one, but affects many.”
– “God never hangs a veil over our understanding accidentally. He is intentional. There is a reason. And the reason may be that He is calling you to faith.”
– “Esther came to what many would call her ‘defining moment.’” It’s important to be on the watch, for what ours is as well.
– “You may be one brave decision away from an important step in your destiny.”

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« Last Edit: February 22, 2011, 11:31:39 PM by justasking »
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