[panda]

I've already sorted our Xmas out.  Me and the children with my side of the family.  H is free to do whatever he wants..... I doubt he has even thought that far ahead yet!

[Snowdrop]

Hey..I'm getting ready with that "well placed" turkey baster full of mashed potatoes..and a "Merry Christmas" card from the Troopers!

InIt - I nearly choked on my tea.  Quick flash in my mind, Christmas Day, table laid, and in comes InIt, with a Christmaas greeting.......

"Do I have the PERFECT gift for YOU!!"  "M-E-R-R-R-R-R-R-Y C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-A-A-A-S-S-S-S-S-S-S"

Is there room in that baster of yours for some stuffing?

[Snowdrop]

For us, I hope H is far, far away up north somewhere, trying to find Santa.

[in it]

SURE !!!How about some sqaush and an uncooked pumpkin or two??? Stem side first for the pumpkins   

[Snowdrop]

SURE !!!How about some sqaush and an uncooked pumpkin or two???    Stem side first for the pumpkins       

I'm crying now. Hope you manage to post it on youtube for us all to share in the merriment!

[in it]

Turkey?? He'll be lucky if he gets any stuffing! sadly, he won't be part of the celebrations this year. I don't do "playing happy families", we either are or we are not. Too traumatic for the children and I find it impossible. I can see him on my own, but any family setting is too much for my heart and my sanity. It usually ends badly, and the children are very uncomfortable...

Listen everybody it's not too early to work on gaining some strength to get through these holidays... for the people who are going through this for the FIRST TIME it's NOT easy and IT'S not pretty..BELIEVE ME NC IS THE WAY TO GO STARTING AS SOON AS YOU CAN!!

This is for everybody regardless of "standing" or whatever. If they are driving you nuts they will continue as long as you LET them.

I gotta go get ready for church

[Albatross]

 

[Snowdrop]

GOT ME!

Good one Albatross

[Sunny]

thanks Albatross for a fantastic thread! so much information here, thank you. I have been doing some reading on the psychological aspect of mens depression via Terence Real's book "I don't want to talk about it", as well as watching Brene Brown's TED talks on shame and vulnerability. It's actually heart breaking how so many men hide everything about their emotional life and learn how to hide it so well, they end up depressed. But as many of you know, mens depressions is rarely overt, it is typically covert, ie under cover. I don't know why but I find it all extremely sad that so many men walk around almost completely unable to function emotionally and lose themselves, all because we don't allow boys to have feelings and insist they hide their feelings and be "tough". breaks my heart. Little boys who are allowed to cry and express their feelings naturally will be men who are emotionally intelligent and will be far less at risk of falling into MLC. Unfortunately my H was not such a lucky boy, had a brutal childhood featuring alchoholics, little schooling, violence, and ended in care for a year. No wonder he wore a mask for all our married years, and I was the only one who got to see him without the mask. In the last year pre bday, the mask became his face, he often said he didn't know who he was anymore. The mask had overtaken his identity it seems. I struggle now to remember a time when the mask didn't dominate him.

[Albatross]

About loving self as prerogative loving others. Nothing in world, or in very rare cases, is black & white only. So, MLCers are capable to love but point is how much in present moment. So, if MLCer is under big shadow influence, his capability to love is small. Means in that moment they can love less. So, as they cycle their capability to love cycle. Sure if they are in moments of clarity they are capable to love is higher.