[in it]

In my case, I'm not bitter, just viewing things from a position of clarity,  two and a half years post BD. No, I don't want her back, either the woman I loved no longer exists or never really existed in the first place, somebody I put on a pedestal of my own creation. I honestly don't know how anyone can take back someone has treated them in this manner, unless they feel they will never do any better or fear being alone.

As far as other relationships go, the odds are a great many of the women a middle aged man like myself will meet will themselves be MLC wives/ X's of other men or in the middle of peri menopause.  This is not pleasant prospect, but one that has to be considered.

I know or at least think I do. I had way too many relationships in my own head also. They weren't real.  Just me convincing myself someone loved me. What I had didn't exist to begin with. I don't know if this is the same way you feel.

I know I'll never be with him again due to his treatment of me. Never believe another word that comes out of his mouth. I've never met a bigger liar IN MY LIFE!

As for being alone the rest of my life? I have NO problem with that. I'd rather do that than spend the rest of it trying to convince myself someone love's me again.

I understand about what's out there believe me. I am not looking - but if what I've run into is ANY indication of what's available? I'd rather just live with my CAT.

It may just be a matter of me getting older and fussier about who I think might be a "potential" partner.  Time passing isn't going to help that much..ya think?

But I do know one thing- it sure as hell isn't HIM.

 NOBODY is going to find someone without "baggage" at this age.

And unless someone wants to go out with a ten year old? They aren't going to find a virgin either.

So I guess it just depends on what YOU think might be someone who's faults and flaws you can accept and deal with. I read once.

 It's never they way we are compatible with someone that the problem ; It's how we can deal with the incompatibility there is.

And I like this phrase. I like the truth. It makes me feel more secure when I can admit to myself I'm NOT perfect. But I deserve better than what I had ..whatever that was. A nightmare of control and suffocation.

[in it]

http://www.match.com/magazine/article/10203/

This is something from the website Match.com which personally I think is a CRAPPY idea also. But maybe there's something enlightening in here for some of you.

I'll see if there's something else...

[in it]

http://jamesrusselllingerfelt.wordpress.com/2013/08/15/beautiful-advice-from-a-divorced-man-after-16-years-of-marriage/

This is a little "out there" and again everybody is at different stages that read this.

 If you are still devastated etc. You might not want to read this. It's more like a regret filled observation when I read it.

I'm trying to find something POSITIVE about being at the stage where some of you might be divorced and still believe you can love someone again.

HEY! A little help here?? Anybody looking up something that applies to them might help also!

[StillStanding]

I honestly don't know how anyone can take back someone has treated them in this manner, unless they feel they will never do any better or fear being alone.

I've been Standing for over 4 years, and my wife moved out 3 years ago. If I was afraid of being alone, I did a very poor job of preventing it.

[sleepless]

I can definitely do better than the alien. If I feared being alone I'm pretty sure I could cure that pretty quick. I have plenty of great strong friends so I'm blessed to not have alone issues. Not same as having a wife but I can suck it up and see what the future holds. I choose to wait her out. I could choose otherwise, I am passing up opportunities that I may kick myself for later. I know I am doing what is right for me, my kids and my faith at this early point in this mess.

Future? One day at a time for now.

I believe LBS are full of love. We are good people to start with and this mess serves to make us even better in many cases. Whoever ends up with some of us is going to be very lucky.

[in it]

I agree- I have said before any man who is on this board IMHO shows me that they are interested in improving themselves in spite of all of this. As I am. And whoever ends up with any of you will certainly be lucky.

 I had more self-help books than Barnes and Noble..and no I don't have it all figured out. But I started with myself a long time ago and am working on my codependency issues. Now there are inflated trust issues.

I also have an overly responsible way of operating. But part of that comes from dealing with someone for 30 years who has no idea what the "right thing" to do is. And that's just not according to me; some of it is from a legal standpoint.

[Orion]

And whoever ends up with any of you will certainly be lucky.

yes this includes also my W.She is lucky to be with me -which makes me the unlucky in the equation.
I realised that there is no more certain thing to happen than the ultimate betrayal of the ungrateful.

I honestly don't know how anyone can take back someone has treated them in this manner, unless they feel they will never do any better or fear being alone.

It's those fears that most LBS feel that feed further the ego of the betraying partners and rationalise their actions. MLCers twist it to "If they say I did awful things and still want me, maybe I am not such a bad person after all"

[in it]

Exactly- but the deal is sometimes they can't wrap thier brain about what unconditional love might be either. I think that threw him for the biggest loop. How in hell after what HE had done why would I want to make a go of the relationship?

I thought maybe he'd want to working it out by talking about it instead he wanted to treat it all like "a bump in the road" and chose to ignore it and leave me with all the work and the pain of it. All he was after was money.

So now I'm done....I'll never want to work this out again. He got his sick kicks out of having me come back and feed his ego again.

Once you stop doing this and stop having anything to do with them whether they ever wake up or not really shouldn't be any concern of yours IMHO.

[Braveheart]

http://jamesrusselllingerfelt.wordpress.com/2013/08/15/beautiful-advice-from-a-divorced-man-after-16-years-of-marriage/

This is a little "out there" and again everybody is at different stages that read this.

 If you are still devastated etc. You might not want to read this. It's more like a regret filled observation when I read it.

I'm trying to find something POSITIVE about being at the stage where some of you might be divorced and still believe you can love someone again.

HEY! A little help here?? Anybody looking up something that applies to them might help also!

It's the worst thing I ever read on maritial advice, it puts all the blame on the husband, while the wife gets a carte blanche to act how ever she likes. Being a doormat is no way to maintain a marriage from either sex's standpoint.

[Braveheart]

I can definitely do better than the alien. If I feared being alone I'm pretty sure I could cure that pretty quick. I have plenty of great strong friends so I'm blessed to not have alone issues. Not same as having a wife but I can suck it up and see what the future holds. I choose to wait her out. I could choose otherwise, I am passing up opportunities that I may kick myself for later. I know I am doing what is right for me, my kids and my faith at this early point in this mess.

Future? One day at a time for now.

I believe LBS are full of love. We are good people to start with and this mess serves to make us even better in many cases. Whoever ends up with some of us is going to be very lucky.

That's your choice and you have every right to it, but we do our children no favors by letting them think Mom/Dad are ever coming home and there nothing in the Bible that requires us to stay in a marriage with an unfaithful spouse.