[Albatross]

I t is very true, and we should pay attention of this trying to catch how feel or think our MLCers.

[toughtimes]

gosh that last one is so true, I am sleeping a lot lately! Or going to bed early at least.

Albatross this is so helpful to me. One of my difficulties with my H was how to effectively communicate my feelings, I never could do it effectively. He couldn't either and so we just both got defensive and angry and it escalated. We tried to get help with this but the help was useless, it wasn't help. If only I had read this sort of thing. Thank you so much for all you do for us here, the threads on replay are brilliant too. I am trying to catch up with them.

[Albatross]

gosh that last one is so true, I am sleeping a lot lately! Or going to bed early at least.

Albatross this is so helpful to me. One of my difficulties with my H was how to effectively communicate my feelings, I never could do it effectively. He couldn't either and so we just both got defensive and angry and it escalated. We tried to get help with this but the help was useless, it wasn't help. If only I had read this sort of thing. Thank you so much for all you do for us here, the threads on replay are brilliant too. I am trying to catch up with them.

I am glad to be helpful, but I never understand people who can't share feelings. What is so terrifying sharing feelings ? I have no problem with that, but what I will never forgive my self is that I stop do it when I marry to my wife. When someone find funny listening You sharing feelings then You in time back off. Sad.

[toughtimes]

gosh that last one is so true, I am sleeping a lot lately! Or going to bed early at least.

Albatross this is so helpful to me. One of my difficulties with my H was how to effectively communicate my feelings, I never could do it effectively. He couldn't either and so we just both got defensive and angry and it escalated. We tried to get help with this but the help was useless, it wasn't help. If only I had read this sort of thing. Thank you so much for all you do for us here, the threads on replay are brilliant too. I am trying to catch up with them.

I am glad to be helpful, but I never understand people who can't share feelings. What is so terrifying sharing feelings ? I have no problem with that, but what I will never forgive my self is that I stop do it when I marry to my wife. When someone find funny listening You sharing feelings then You in time back off. Sad.

That is sad, so did your wife find it uncomfortable listening to your feelings? So it was her issue, her inability and discomfort to share feelings that caused her to find it funny?

I shouldn't have written my inability to communicate my feelings, we both shared our feelings a lot, it was more an inability to deal with conflict. That was when H and I came undone, we would spiral out of control when we argued because we both reacted, we didn't listen to each other, we both did the destructive things described in the article. The rest of the time, when we weren't arguing we were super fine at communicating. It was just the arguing. So sad we never found the right information to help us. We tried but I wonder if each of us wasn't ready to look at ourselves and our own behaviours, we were too busy blaming the other.

[Albatross]

That is sad, so did your wife find it uncomfortable listening to your feelings? So it was her issue, her inability and discomfort to share feelings that caused her to find it funny?

Yes, she never said to me simple I love You. She said that she appreciate actions instead talking. Means showing love acting. Anyway normal way should be in both ways. Saying to someone I love You and that in real is not true are empty words. Also never saying is not normal. I also compliment her, but she said that mine compliments don't count because I am biased. So, in time You simply stop doing it. Yes, when someone make fun of Your feelings then You back off. I assume she afraid sharing own feelings, so if You make fun of it on that way defend self and not show it.

I shouldn't have written my inability to communicate my feelings, we both shared our feelings a lot, it was more an inability to deal with conflict. That was when H and I came undone, we would spiral out of control when we argued because we both reacted, we didn't listen to each other, we both did the destructive things described in the article. The rest of the time, when we weren't arguing we were super fine at communicating. It was just the arguing. So sad we never found the right information to help us. We tried but I wonder if each of us wasn't ready to look at ourselves and our own behaviours, we were too busy blaming the other.

Anyway I am think that every LBS had for sure some issues, but we belong in group of normal people, after all we did not hit MLC. MLCers are people with some issues from childhood, FOO issues and probably they did not fully psychologically developed in teen age.

[in it]

I think people feel to vulnerable when they share intimate feelings..it gives the other some kind of insight and an Achilles heel to go for when the next fight erupts.

Somehow sharing is weakness..not strength. People are afraid to share too much even when it comes to someone they trust..fear of rejection...of humiliation.. whatever insecurities they have.

Fear only has the power you give it. The unknown's the "what if's?" "the why's?" "the when's?"

Sharing fears with another really can be an amazing emotional connection between two people. Then they can work it out together instead of it putting more space between them.

The loss of a child has to be one of the most immense things a couple could try to overcome IMHO but I know of at least two this has happened to and it made their bond closer. Stronger.

 To me that's what adversity is SUPPOSED to do...not put more distance between you.
But with what's being dealt with here their first instinct is RUN. Some have been doing it for years....

They'll out run ignore, lie, avoid, deny ,distract themselves do anything they can NOT to deal with it.

Your not working with a "whole person" here.

[SSG]

I t is very true, and we should pay attention of this trying to catch how feel or think our MLCers.

So many of these explains my H post BD and some after....thank you Albatross.
Though I am new here...I love all of your postings...your W must have lost her mind to let you go.

In time, I will post this on FB, my H will see it...maybe it will lighten up some of his confusion....

SSG

[Albatross]

So many of these explains my H post BD and some after....thank you Albatross.
Though I am new here...I love all of your postings...your W must have lost her mind to let you go.

In time, I will post this on FB, my H will see it...maybe it will lighten up some of his confusion....

SSG

Thank You very much, you bring tears on my eyes. Yes, I love her so deeply. She means everything to me, but when I look at her, remain only shadow of my wife... she was wonderful woman...

[I reckon so]

Thank You very much, you bring tears on my eyes. Yes, I love her so deeply. She means everything to me, but when I look at her, remain only shadow of my wife... she was wonderful woman...
[/quote]

Albatross, this to me is the worst part of the crisis. Seeing my W is so sad because she has greatness inside her but this has taken her and she is living so far beneath the woman she is, or was. We are separated and I wish we weren't but the woman that was living with me for the last year was not my wife any way. I just keep praying that God keep her during this time, and that she find her way.