[Thundarr]

Given that many on here know that I'm a professional therapist in RL, I often have the question posed rhetorically to me about what advice I would give a client in my situation.  For the most part my answers have been pretty much standard fare but recently I've begun to give it some objective thought.  I guess the part that held me up was trying to come up with a complicated answer for a complicated problem, but oftentimes such a problem does not necessitate an equally complicated answer.  So, after giving it some thought and applying my line of thinking to empirically validated therapy techniques I came up with the idea of taking a narrative therapy approach with a hypothetical LBS who came to me for treatment/ advice:

Narrative therapy works with the understanding that people write their own narratives in life.  For instance, an abuse victim may be affected by certain triggers in the environment or by dates or times of year.  A narrative therapy approach would involve having the client write a narrative that pretty much says they feel or do something due to something that has happened to them.  In the case of an LBS a narrative may read something like: "My spouse left me for another person and broke up our family, so now I'm living a life I never wanted and I'm so lonely and feel helpless and hopeless.  I dread the holidays coming up and I know they will be very sad and lonely for me."  A therapist using a narrative therapy approach would then challenge the client to come up with a different ending for their narrative;  one that ends in a way they would want it to end or feel would be the best outcome within their power.  So, applying this to myself my end narrative would look like this:

"My XW abandoned me and our family and left me taking care of the kids on my own.  I felt very sad and lonely for much of the time since she left and dreaded the holidays coming up both years after she left.  (End original narrative)  But, I've kept our house and taken care of the kids for over two and a half years and they are healthy and doing well in school.  I have a great career and have been able to hold down a job and even excel at it at times.  I'm going to have a great holiday season because I'm going to plan events around myself and the kids and only look forward to things I am in control of so that I'm not disappointed by XW or anyone else.  I'm going to base my happiness on things within my control and appreciate them as I go, and anything above or beyond what is in my control that is positive will be seen as a bonus."

That's my current line of thought, and from time to time I'll try to revisit this thread with some other perspectives or ideas.  Hopefully it might be of benefit for those who have not sought therapy or cannot afford it.  I also invite any of my other therapist friends or those in the mental health field to pitch in and include their own ideas. 

Peace to you all.

[rover77]

I like it..I also think we should starting writing for psychology today. etc...start drawing attention to it

[Stillpraying]

I like it and it really focuses on being content in all circumstances ......JOY....rather than short term 'Happiness".   Reflecting on what we DO have certainly puts perspective into a lot of things.
Well done on still being FT dad to your kids and keeping the family home....I know that is not an easy feat!

[wondering]

Love it Thundarr,  It also focuses on what we can control.