[Searching4Answers]

I reckon so -my H was in replay 2 years after BD with EA and he was in a previous EA for at least 2 years prior.......with a little time "off" before the second. She and her husband were our "friends " .......it was about 6 years I'd say. I never knew about the first one and I watched the second one develop in front of my eyes:( could not stop it from happening!
31

Wow, that is a long time! I am assuming he left home for a while. You are a very strong person to have made it through the journey.

[I reckon so]

I could not agree more S4A, this board is filled with people that amaze me!

Albatross, you talked earlier about the shadow being in dreams. My wife has been one to remember many of her dreams. After BP and while she was in strong replay and monster, she told me about 6 months into it that she thought it was strange that she hadn't either had a dream or didn't remember any dreams in many months. Do you think it was because the shadow was controlling her and monster was loosed and so the shadow was finding all of the expression it needed? I remember thinking at the time she said it that it was very unusual for her not to have tumultuous dreams while she was behaving so mean and selfish, but after reading about the shadow maybe that why she wasn't having dreams. She was living out the nightmare during the day. Any thoughts?

Thanks, IRS

[31andcounting]

Searching I am pretty strong. I guess:) As are you:) a lot of it early on was " just off" I did not really know "what" was wrong with us??  It has been 3 1/2 long years since BD.....lots of truth's have come out not everything yet but its getting better everyday.
31andcounting

[Albatross]

I could not agree more S4A, this board is filled with people that amaze me!

Albatross, you talked earlier about the shadow being in dreams. My wife has been one to remember many of her dreams. After BP and while she was in strong replay and monster, she told me about 6 months into it that she thought it was strange that she hadn't either had a dream or didn't remember any dreams in many months. Do you think it was because the shadow was controlling her and monster was loosed and so the shadow was finding all of the expression it needed? I remember thinking at the time she said it that it was very unusual for her not to have tumultuous dreams while she was behaving so mean and selfish, but after reading about the shadow maybe that why she wasn't having dreams. She was living out the nightmare during the day. Any thoughts?

Thanks, IRS

Everyone have dreams every sleeping. Usualy people dont remember what they dream except they awaken from some reason or they dream some kind of nightmare. I believe that she is insomniac, because people in severe depression can't sleep. So no dreams or they are so tired and what have some sleep is deep so also can't remember what they dream about.

[Albatross]

`The persona, the ideal picture of a man as he should be, is inwardly compensated by feminine weakness, and as the individual outwardly plays the strong man, so he becomes inwardly a woman (anima), for it is the anima  that reacts to the persona.'

We may term the persona the mediating function between the ego and the outside world and the soul-image the corresponding mediating function between the ego and the inner world.

As long as an Individual does not know his Shadow, the Unconscious will be predominately feminine, and vice-versa.

When the Persona is too rigid and solely differentiated, the anima will represent a mixture of the Auxiliary, Tertiery, and Inferior functions.

When the 2 accessory functions are developed, the anima stands out.

The more one is dominated by the Persona, the more the anima remains in the darkness.

 One of the most typical manifestations of both figures is what has long been called "animosity".

Thus the insinuations of the anima, the mouthpiece of the unconscious, can utterly destroy a man. …

... for when a man recognizes that his ideal persona is responsible for his anything but ideal anima, his ideals are shattered, the world becomes ambiguous, he becomes ambiguous even to himself.  He is seized by doubts about goodness, and what is worse, he doubts his own good intentions.

[Searching4Answers]

`The persona, the ideal picture of a man as he should be, is inwardly compensated by feminine weakness, and as the individual outwardly plays the strong man, so he becomes inwardly a woman (anima), for it is the anima  that reacts to the persona.'

So in replay it is the anima that is demanding attention but since the anima is not the persona or ideal picture the MLCer fights against it? Does the strong man feel shame because of the anima?

... for when a man recognizes that his ideal persona is responsible for his anything but ideal anima, his ideals are shattered, the world becomes ambiguous, he becomes ambiguous even to himself.  He is seized by doubts about goodness, and what is worse, he doubts his own good intentions.

That is a very powerful image! I see my H doubting his own good intentions  It really it is an identity crisis.

[Albatross]

The peace of dissolving the persona's grasp does not last long however and without our noticing – the archetypes (which have been there all the time and will always be there) take up a newer, more entrenched position in the psychic void.  Archetypes even fill your head with such flattering as “Wow, look at you, - you made it!  You’re clearly destined for great divinity”, etc.  They praise and tell you how wonderful you are; even creating Messianic complexes that make you believe you are truly special and that you are the chosen one.  Although dissolution of the Persona is a great personal achievement, it is only a stage, because the Archetypes bring a similar, but greater challenge.

“The most intense conflicts, if overcome, leave behind a sense of security and calm which is not easily disturbed, or else a brokenness that can hardly be healed.  Conversely, it is just these intense conflicts and their conflagration which are needed in order to produce valuable and lasting results”.

MLCers struggle with animus/anima , Shadow and as You can see in bold text they can solve issues and moving forward or stuck broken. In time they may learn how to do it. Anyway issues are so deep and need TIME.

[CallanG]

I am sensing some of this with H at the moment , the shadow is winning and H seems convinced that this is the person he was always meant to be.

He used to say to me that I was in love with the idea of him not the real him , he used to test my love quite often . It is very clear to see now and it must have frustrated him no end that I always confirmed my love for him .

[toughtimes]

Callang my h told me he was becoming the man he always should have been. My father tells me I fell in love with the idea of my h not my actual h! How weird you have said these things, it seems everyone is reading from this script!

[CallanG]

It is weird TT, I used to get annoyed with H when he said it because I loved him , not some image I had of him .