[who thinks they know the sourse of their spouses shadow/crisis?]

who thinks they know the sourse of their spouses shadow/crisis?

Me, pick me, i know!, i know!

10 (90.9%)

I haven't a clue!

1 (9.1%)

Total Members Voted: 11

Voting closed: November 21, 2013, 05:01:33 PM

[BB64]

Yep, and maube there wasn't a tv at boarding school. I am not even joking!

[Searching4Answers]

I don't think that I can pinpoint a single cause; it more like several causes. H is very close to his dad, they have more of a friend relationship than a father/son, always have. I think this a lot of the issues are FOO. His parents (divorced when he was 3) never really gave him any boundaries and when MLC started I was very scared to put any boundaries in place. I have never really needed them with H. However, I learned that I needed the boundaries for myself not for him and have put a few in place. Surprisingly, H has responded to them very well  My therapist thought that because he didn't have boundaries growing up that he is looking for them now from me as he works on whatever development he missed. H has also talked about having to be the parent to his parents  Actually, he still feels that way. Neither one of them is very good at taking care of themselves; he has had to bail them out financially more than a few times. 

[BB64]

It is worth remembering that there are causes but triggers, too.

[CrazyTrain]

I believe my H's source(s) is:
1.  FOO - his father was very strict and very demanding when H was growing up.  H was always working for his dad and never really got to have a proper childhood.  He has issues with his sister and his brother also. 
2.  His exW - I have mentioned on here before that he treated me, in the beginning, the way she treated him when their marriage broke down because of her selfishness and infidelity.  She treated H horribly when they split up, and he tried to treat me that way as well.  But I am trying to stay on the high road.  Ha!
3.  H was sexually molested by a neighbor's son when he was very young.  H told me about it when we first got together.  I believe this has some role in H's MLC.

These might be the causes, but there have been plenty of triggers along the way.  I hope he comes out of this with his head in the right place. 

CT

[i can and will cope]

i think was because he didnt get all the things he wanted always wanted bigger and better things instead of being happy with what we did have, ?  dont know wwas sorry he never got me big house, sorry for things he put me through (earlier in marriage) had the red sports car when he was 50 private number plate then felt he let me down didnt want son to think of him as he thoght of his father ??

i dont know really he just had to do this and i didnt have a clue it still hurts like mad and is 2 years in Jan since bd 

[Anjae]

The source? Probably a bunch of chidhood stuff even if I don't lean much towards the childhood issues view of MLC. Or maybe stuff Mr J think he lost out or whatever.

The trigger I'm fairly sure it was the death of his paternal grandmother early summer 2005.

[Ready2Transform]

I think the source was a major chemical imbalance caused by a decline in testosterone and a B6 deficiency that he always had, all exacerbated by going on hardcore psych drugs and going off of them cold turkey on his own.  I think the triggers that have made him react in the specific ways he has are serious FOO issues that came to the surface, the failure of our business in the recession and the financial hardships that caused, the stress of dealing with a wife in crisis (I know it's not my fault - but this has to go on the list), and a lot of death at one time (3 pets, 2 friends, and an uncle have all passed away during his crisis so far).  Perfect storm.  The outcome is a lot of anger at God, me, his various jobs, and himself - the four pillars!  And a lot of high energy replay.  Then a big crash - haven't seen that yet, but I'm pretty sure I will.

[Anjae]

Yes, hormones. That could be it for Mr J. Stress (the hormone cortisol). He was super stressed. Than paternal grandmother died. At first he seemed normal, then, slowly, he become more and more strange.

There was confusion, yes, he wanted to remove himself s bit from the life we lead and have children, move to a bigger flat and so on but, at the same time, he also wanted to go clubbing and be a DJ.

One day he will downfall. When? No idea. He left over 7 years ago and his high energy Replay does not show signs of slowing down.

[jasmine snow]

i think there are a few causes for my H MLC but the major one is his dad's death.
Other causes are (from what i believe anyway)
- 4 years ago when he started big project with good friends (made good salary for a few months) and then the investor decided to stop giving the money (Just a month before the grand opening ) so that's the end of the project.
- Then we moved to another place where we were during Tsunami , we got invited from this guy who saved H's life on that tragic day. So we started the business on his land (without written contract), then a year later the guy cheated on us so we lost a lot of money. H trusted this guy 100%
- moved to new place to continue the same business ,but then H started to be distant from me and our son and started working out, running 10 miles every day and worried about his weight a lot , drinking more and more. became very critical towards me.
Then in feb. this year his dad passed away,