[hawk]

oh sh!t , that's no good. They wanna believe him to because they all get him back.
Tbh honest l have no idea what w has told anyone. lt's like the om , this has all been so hurtful and hard that l know l can't handle any more right now so l don't ask her side anything. l hate to think .

l reckon your chances will come though . lt's just that when x's start throwing round bs , they say their credit is eventually blown to bits and they start to look stupid.
Maybe if the right person pops up , that loves a bit of gosip you can quietly straighten things out with them knowing they'll tell the whole world for you after 

[hawk]

ls it common for them to just spring divorce papers on you and to suddenly seem all rushed about getting it done ?
OR , a s she puts it , for closure so that we can both move forward from here .
She reckons it's not that she's gonna rush of and get married or anything like that. Not that l'd believe that , seems suss. 

[Darth Obo]

ls it common for them to just spring divorce papers on you and to suddenly seem all rushed about getting it done ?
OR , a s she puts it , for closure so that we can both move forward from here .
She reckons it's not that she's gonna rush of and get married or anything like that. Not that l'd believe that , seems suss.

Hawk,

The way I understand it is when they push quickly for the D its because they have been planning in advance and just setting up the chess board to move into checkmate! This also is an indicator that the A is already established or the OP is waiting in the wings and Plan A and a soft place to land is in place! Most, but not always, the female MLCer does not want to be alone which is why this advanced planning is necessary!

Statistically, 75% of all D are initiated by women and once in progress, most tend to move quickly!

I was like a coiple other folks on here....I forced BD because I could see the disconenct and the tension from the white elephant in the room was unbearable! She is still at ho e and a clinging B that waffles regularly! I think she would be a clinger anyway but I forced BD before she had her plan in place and committed to it!

I can look back and see discontent as early as 2005, nut she wasnt "gone" yet! She still met me at the door whe  I got home with a smile and a kiss and all that! Wasnt until around 2009ish that stuff stopped and the distancing started slowly! About this same time is when she had to have tummy tuck as follow up to bariatric surgery which was a mdeical necessity! Exercise programs became of interest at this time and she has since gone through 5 or 6 types of training regimines that always end within about 3-4 months tops! I see this as mild replay!

I believe the big trigger was when S21 left for military in June 2012! She was always more attached to him than anyone else and a counselor told me he believed she had cut me off and used my son as an emotional surrrogate! When he left, she didn't turn back to me! About 6 months later, De  2013 she met OM1 and the first EA began in April! She also found an exbf on FB at this time but it wasn't EA yet! Her attitude with me and sex life jumped from April to June 2013 and then she went b!tc# on me by july and was extremely critical of everything I did! I confronted and got BD on 20 July 2013. August cold and distant, Sept she waffled daily seemingly trying to reconnect! EA1 busted 1 Oct 2013! b!tc# mode and cold Oct - Nov 2013 and we together decided MC & IC at her suggestion. Hy this time she was getting coached by OM2 but not EA yet by my standards (no flirting or sexual charged talk). DEC 2013 - Jan 2014 major t&g followed by cold push in Feb 2014. Cycled back in March as EA2 began and I busted it on Mar 25 2014. Since then it has been a steady close friendship and very calm and amicable. She gets moody, but cycles back within a couple days or week tops.

I have rarely seen overt depression and she can compartmentalize very well to function. I believe she is still in replay by some of her actions but tapering off some! I dropped the rope and encourage her time alone and with friends. The more I do this the less she does.

She is more often thsn not willing to do things with me and has displayed more interest in me and calls and texts me more. A lot of her text is probing if I am out and she is unaware what I am doing. If I am reading on my tablet, she will jokingly say watcha reading but I yhink she is really wondering what I am doing because I have went dim and really dont engage unless she engages me and I GAL and do what I want when I want!

She has never left home....threatened / asked for divorce recently. I agreed to her terms and even tried to push it along by helping her plan out the split and encouraged it. I know this caught her off guard and called her bluff!

Kinda long winded but hopfuly some of my babble will help the thread!



Obo

[Dontgiveup]

ls it common for them to just spring divorce papers on you and to suddenly seem all rushed about getting it done ?
OR , a s she puts it , for closure so that we can both move forward from here .
She reckons it's not that she's gonna rush of and get married or anything like that. Not that l'd believe that , seems suss.

Certainly not uncommon, especially from female MLCers.

From RCR in another thread
MLCers are hell-bent on divorce, so you are posting here in the same situation as most of the other posters. The exceptions are more liekly to be those with Clinging Boomerangs.

[Darth Obo]

ls it common for them to just spring divorce papers on you and to suddenly seem all rushed about getting it done ?
OR , a s she puts it , for closure so that we can both move forward from here .
She reckons it's not that she's gonna rush of and get married or anything like that. Not that l'd believe that , seems suss.

Certainly not uncommon, especially from female MLCers.

From RCR in another thread
MLCers are hell-bent on divorce, so you are posting here in the same situation as most of the other posters. The exceptions are more liekly to be those with Clinging Boomerangs.

And this is the sitch myself and others are in. Mine even has financial means to do it and still wont go even though I told I accepted her terms! Hell....she even said she consulted a lawyer and I said good....lets get on with it then!


Obo

[Darth Obo]

Let me also add something else, and I hope this isnt too off topic!

In my situation I think mine hasn't been successful yet in finding an appropriate OM for what she wants or is expecting! I belive, she is realizing a couple things:

1) men available in our age group are not interested in her; they are typically looking for a woman 10 or more years younger!
2) the two OM she did have either weren'T as committed or basically wanted her for a FWB and not much else! OM2 dropped her cold like a hot potato when I confronted him...I think she expected him to fight for her but he didn't....he went NC!
3) a younger man cant support her in the ways she wants.....again.....she would just a be a masturbatory tool!
4) her only reall hope is someone 10-15 years her senior and if she found one....odds are he wont marry! This is just a trend thing I am seeing/reading about!

Her current friends are a reality to this....all of them that are 40+ and single/divorced cannot find a man to commit....a couple of them have become OWs and are basically used as a mistress and the men will never leave their wives. Seen this with two of her friends personnaly....makes me laugh at their complete lack of SE and respect for themselves to be used! Theyare bitter, used, lonely women!

Done ranting!


Obo

[Lanzo]

The way I understand it is when they push quickly for the D its because they have been planning in advance and just setting up the chess board to move into checkmate! This also is an indicator that the A is already established or the OP is waiting in the wings and Plan A and a soft place to land is in place! Most, but not always, the female MLCer does not want to be alone which is why this advanced planning is necessary!

Darth  called it in his first paragraph, she has been secretly planning for years yet will try to convince you its something that has just happened. OM is already attached and in place.

As an aside my xW denied, denied, denied the existence of any OM even though I had all sorts of evidence to the contrary, once we were divorced, I mentioned OM's and her reply was I **** who I want and its non of your ***ing business.



Lanzo

[WaitingHere]

I've thought about this a bit since BD… looking back now I can see signs at least two years before. In fact, in Nov 2012 H announced suddenly that he was shutting down our construction business. It wasn't completely out of the blue, construction is a hard business and sometimes the money isn't as good as it should be, but that was his livelihood and the only thing he really knew how to do. We had started a small home services company in 2009 but it wasn't large enough to pay all the bills. We figured it out, and I supported and encouraged the quit, but looking back I believe it was MLC.

A few months after that we made the decision to sell our house and live full-time in an RV. We were both really excited about it, we sold out nearly everything, even left one of the dogs, and started an adventure. Not traveling, but living full-time in a local RV park. We talked about how we loved it and the simple life was awesome, which to this day we both agree it was. But I really think all of this was his way of looking for something to make him happy, to fix what he was feeling inside.

I can also see signs of pulling away a bit, although he kept up all of our little loving habits until the day I left home basically.

[Dagolark]

In hindsight, I can see some signs of depression and detachment starting much earlier than BD. Abandoning old friends, not wanting to spend time with family, dropping his main hobby - guitar - and clinging to various videogames instead... this really sucks :/

A friend of mine told me her bf, now husband, went through something similar after they married... bored with life, avoiding married friends with families, sending dirty messages to OW on facebook... he didn't bold though nor did they break up. Now she tells me he's miserable and complaining about how boring life is. I wonder if he's leading up to a crisis or if he got over it without blowing up like our guys did?

[Yoyolove]

Reading through this thread today got me thinking about information I found written by my partner.
BD for me was just 3 months ago,  completely unexpected after talking marriage plans. 
Since then I've found some old emails dating back to 2011 where it seems my partner was questioning relationships as a whole,  almost left me (unknown to me) and then in other emails seemed happy to have some one and proposed by the end of the year. 
What started this? No idea, possibly an ex from her past had died early in 2011 and got her thinking?
If MLC starts before BD, then mine might have been 3 yrs considering what I found.  I truly know she is the type that wouldn't have left the relationship until she had someone else waiting for her.  She has cheated in the past on others,  and been the other woman 2x I have recently found out. 
She says she is an avoider and enjoys the "in-love" high!