[BB64]

So analising...

And more specifically, analising a mlcer's behaviour.
I used to do a lot of that at the begining. I analised every word, silences, actions, innactions, looks on his face, body language etc...
As time goes by, I analise less but I still do it.
It might not give me any answers as to where my mlc might be, however, it has given me great insight on how to handle him.

Analising is good for me. I understand that the general consensus here is not in favour of analising.
For me, I wouldn't be able to grow without it. I learn a lot from it.
Yeah, it might send my head spinning at times, but quite frankly, I have taken so much from my mlcer, nothing much phases me anymore.


Besides, if we didn't have analisers here on hs, where would we be?
I mean thanks to RCR's analising, HB's and other lbs members, we know what to expect, even though at times it takes us by surprise.

I realise this topic may cause a drifting debate here but that is not my motive.
I spend little time analising these days and analising helps me not to take anything personally while dealing with my clinging mlcer. Especially monster or plain stupid.


To some of us it is helpful, to others it can be detrimental.

So here we are, I am an analiser and it serves me well most of the time.

Any thoughts?

[Blindsided13]

Hi BB, good to see you back on this side!
I am analytical by nature, plus it's my profession as well. I need to gather all the information to make a decision. Right now I have difficulty analyzing my MCLer, he is ALL over the place. Right now I let that go, time to analyze myself and our past relationship. I do agree with you, it does help to deal with them, as long as you don't let it consume you, in that vein it will drive you crazy!

[i can and will cope]

i think I anyalyse sometimes more than others I think you are right to question where would we be with out RCR analysing things

It helps me sometimes to understand , I did tend to take things personally , and maybe still do , not sure if analyising is the right word though as I question the motives of family too , (or rather so called who were part of my life for almost 27 years and then just seem to accept that what has happened is "normal" its not is it.

anyway I digress my friend , i think i will continue to analyse mlc behaviour and wonder why ?

[CallanG]

Hi BB

I dont think there is anything wrong in being an analizer, for me if I can make some sense of things I can deal with them , once I learnt that MLC makes no sense I could deal with it .

I think that as long as you can handle it there is no problem in doing it .I think if I did not analize I would go mad , it does not mean that it I think H will return any sooner if at all but I have to have things as straight in my mind , or as straight as they can be in dealing with MLC.

[superdog]

Hi there,

I think the stark warning about analysing is more about you trying to predict your mlcer stAge. Looking for every single clue to work it out.

Personally I find that using the analysis strengthens your emotional intelligence, something that some have more of than others. The key is to not use what you see to guide What you DO, but to use it to gauge and modify your own reactions. As we know their feelings and emotions change in a heartbeat. The normal intelligence kicks in to rationalise and question yourself.

Did that make any sense, lol.

I guess a small example is reading the language said and the body language in order that you can gauge when to challenge, when to shut up  etc. also looking at how the language and body language match up.

So basically I think that we need to "aNalyse "for our own benefit and protection in an mlc situation.It's human nature to wonder when someone behaves or says something far away from what you would say or do yourself.

Analysis paralysis happens when that focus is purely on them and not to better you.

All just IMHO.

Sd
X

[BB64]

I'm there with you, SD!

[LettingGo]

For me, it's simply trying to put the puzzle together. The pieces are all out on the table, and every time you walk by you stop for a moment and see if you can fit in one more piece... The box lid shows the picture clearly, but the pieces are all jumbled....I find that if I sit and think and look and search I get frustrated with no results, but intuitively, I can sometimes pick up a piece and know right where it goes and the puzzle gets closer to completion and the picture begins to include me.

[UKStander]

Letting Go, I totally agree.

Every time i read a book or article, I find another piece of what is surely a HUGE jigsaw!  It took me almost 2 years to get to 'an understanding' of this - to the extent that I could explain to friends in just a few sentences, where my life was at this point, and why. Before that, they had to hear the whole damned story, word for word, poor things!   

Analysis - or perhaps not analysis but learning - really helped me.  And still, even now, when I wobble, going back into certain key articles or books will stabilise my mood in an instant. It's not because they promise hope and I'm hanging on to that (although I'm as partial to a reconciliation story as anyone!     )  it's because they remind me, once again, that H IS in a crisis and not your typical divorcing spouse.

The world paints a totally different picture. Marriages break up all the time. People grow apart. You'll find someone else. yadayadyada.  It takes quite an inner belief in mlc to stay firm in what  you know and to stay standing.  Books and stuff help!  This site helps.

So, do learn about mlc in all its multi-coloured aspects, would be my advice, but don't analyse the mlc-er too closely.  Though I have done.  LOL!