[Dreamer]

Albatross,
I love reading your posts they make much sense. I want to know how my ow plays into my husband. She is half his age. Only had 1 relationship in her life. She has completely changed herself into me. She also loves everything my h loves, even down to wanting to use the same medicine he uses. I think she believes she has to have everything like him to keep the R. H sees this as she is doing and loving him like no other. I am not obsessing about ow, but am now fascinated with the whole dynamics of MLC. How would the affair ever break down, if she is losing herself in H?

[Albatross]

Albatross,
I love reading your posts they make much sense. I want to know how my ow plays into my husband. She is half his age. Only had 1 relationship in her life. She has completely changed herself into me. She also loves everything my h loves, even down to wanting to use the same medicine he uses. I think she believes she has to have everything like him to keep the R. H sees this as she is doing and loving him like no other. I am not obsessing about ow, but am now fascinated with the whole dynamics of MLC. How would the affair ever break down, if she is losing herself in H?

I was study a lot personality disorders and  what You saying about that OW she could be pathological narcissist. Because they use mirroring of victim (in this case Your spouse) personality. They completely mimic victim personality. She love what he love, they have ability to gather information and lie that love everything what other person love. On that way narcissist want to show that he/she is soul mate of other person, or perfect match. Experienced people can disguise narcissist very fast, but MLCers are in lala world, so they need more time for that. And narcissist haven't self, so they have nothing to lose.

[Dreamer]

Will H ever wake up to this, or continue to think this is good. Ow even taking my place in our business, saying she will always work there and never look for other job. She is 30 , H is 60 yrs.

[Albatross]

New REPLAY thread, speaking about lifetime individuation process, split  from previous one. 

[Albatross]

As You can see in bold text in  first two phases of human psychological development our spouses can stuck in:
a) the containment/nurturance (i.e., the maternal, or in Neumann’s terminology the “matriarchal”) stage,
b) the adapting/adjusting (i.e., the paternal, or, again in Neumann’s terminology, the “patriarchal”) stage

So, they never finished first and second phase, or never finish second one. When they reach last stage which should be in middle age, they can't go forward, so they have to go backward to  finish one or both of them. I believe that my wife regress in second stage then that does not solve problems, and now I believe that she is in first stage, act and show up as girl, 2012, 2013 as teenager. 2014 is little girl. I have to say that she is much bearable as little girl. So, OM stuff diminish. If she solve first stage issues hopefully then she should (?) go again in second and try solve that, then OM will show up again (?), I don't like this !!! So, long path she have to travel...

[PatienceGalore]

I am here, reading these gold nuggets of information avidly! Thank you for the amazing amount of work you do and provide to all....

[bipolared]

Yes, thank you!  Your insight is fascinating!

[Hmmm]

Taken a couple of days to backtrack with this thread-fascinating stuff Albatross.

My H has admitted recently he's been self medicating and said on his last visit he'd stopped (I referred in emails to him at the 'trying to use logic stage' that the red mustang on our drive, drinking every day, running obsessively, becoming a workaholic and of course OW -were self medication for him

I even wrote that I know how it feels to be attracted to someone-I've had flirtations a couple of times and told him about the dopamine and adrenaline rush being addictive like cocaine but short lived

Do you think this admission that nothing helps and the stopping blaming me could be him entering liminality?

He's depressed, sick, doesn't know who he is, wishes he was dead, has no friends etc

When I said my self esteem was better since going out more he said 'there's nothing wrong with you-it's the relationship' this is a man who wished he'd never met me and thought I was controlling, manipulative and had robbed him of a normal sex life just a few months ago
X

[Darth Obo]

Albatross,

You post some very interesting articles & data; I must admit, I have to read some of them a couple times to get what is being said.

Looking at Stage two (and I hope I am interpreting this correctly), where the Father becomes the dominant figure, I am wondering if this is where my wife has her issues. She lost her biological father to a motorcycle accident at age 10. A year later, her mother re-married to her step-father. From what my wife has described, her mother was obviously still in mourning and was self-medicating through alcohol & drugs at the time, mostly provided & supported by the step-father. He himself was an extreme alcoholic; over 10 DUI's, bar fights, etc. He never nurtured her; instead always cut her down! In fact, he never really took care of the family except the basics of providing for the house payment, utilities, etc. The rest of HIS money he kept to himself and her mother had to work to by the necessities (food, clothing, etc) for wife & my BIL. She also had an EXTREMELY early sexual experience that I have no doubt left emotional scars!

To me it seems she never had an appropriate father figure. She always had more male friends than female growing up and has even stated throughout or marriage (even recently) that she doesn't have many female friends and most women don't like her. I don't see this to be true; she has a few women here that she is friends with and several have been to our house at one point or another and they have went out on "girls nights" and shopping days.

What I am seeing from the past and her EA's; she is looking for male validation! The first OM is what I consider a "father-figure" type person; theirs started off and even continued to be more of a daughter asking a father for advice. Wife ended up emotionally attached but from what I could see, he didn't reciprocate it in that way. Even during EA#2 confrontation, she admitted she feels like she just needs A LOT of this type attention.

Any thoughts from the group?


OBO

[PatienceGalore]

Arghhh , quote: "When I said my self esteem was better since going out more he said 'there's nothing wrong with you-it's the relationship' this is a man who wished he'd never met me and thought I was controlling, manipulative and had robbed him of a normal sex life just a few months ago".....is your H parading as mine perhaps? Heard the same, how strange...not!