[Sunny]

This will sound pretty weird, but if there is no spouse to leave/threaten tolerate, no one to rebel from, how then does MLC manifest itself? Anyone with experience in this?

I think my house mate might be entering MLC. He hates his life, moans all the time (proper pity party),  chronic low self esteem, no confidence and his family are just horrible to him. He's 38. His health isn't the best, he was dumped by my SIL last summer, and his work is at threat, tho very slightly tbh, but he continually catastropises. Now he thinks his health is worsening and he is in panic. It's not, bt he thinks it is. He doesn't want advice, he wants sympathy. I really am tired of it and refuse to discuss his situation endlessly. I am living there until I get a job and can find a new home, so temporary at best. He has zero self awareness.

Just my luck!

[OldPilot]

I would suggest it manifests itself just the way you are observing it.

Protect yourself still, anybody in his way can still be hurt.

[leftylulu]

One of my bachelor clients had one is just now starting to come out of it. He did a bunch of heavy partying, joined a not-so-good motorcycle group, wanting to date every single girl in town and didn't want any type of relationship. Every time I would show up he had exactly that, a different girl. He partied so much he lost his house. I stayed out of his way except when it came to business. I was firm.

Last week we were just discussing him ready to settle down. He found someone that he could see himself settling down with but not in a hurry this time. He was also telling how I never let him run me over, even said it with a smile. I've know the guy for 26 years and what was he going to do, fire me? I didn't care, it would have been his loss not mine. I knew if I lost the income God would provide for me as He always has.

I say that because any time he had a new girl friend she would move in, which in hindsight might have been part of the beginnings of MLC. He has been married 3 times, one didn't even move in, and the last one really broke his heart.

I was an observer during this time more so to gain more knowledge. They have to work through their stuff even starting out as a single person. I don't believe anyone is immune to it, single or partnered.

This MLC thing has a purpose, yes we are part of the consequences, but it still isn't about us. It even has a purpose for us, it helps us find our purpose, our passion. Once we we truly let go is when it all starts to come together.

Take care,
Lulu

[StillStanding]

I'm with OP. Sounds like it could be MLC.

He can distance himself from friends, family, and co-workers just as easily; MLC doesn't require a marriage. It hit spouses the hardest because we're the ones living closest to them and know them the best.

[Dagolark]

I wonder if it's more MLC or just depression... or if indeed there is a marked difference between the two? I would imagine the replay behavior needs to be part of a 'proper' MLC, like in the case Leftylulu mentions, otherwise it remains more 'normal' depression behavior?

[Thundarr]

I'd be curious to know if the length of the MLC is shortened or lengthened on average when there is no spouse....

[Darth Obo]

I'd be curious to know if the length of the MLC is shortened or lengthened on average when there is no spouse....

This makes me curious too.

On the one hand, they have no LBS to slow them down so they can run full force replay with no real conseqences excpet their own so they have the potential to burn through fairly quick!

On the other hand, with no one to intervene,  throw darts, orotherwise give them pause to think....they could go on and on indefinitely!


Obo

[Thunder]

My nephew I believe is going through an MLC.  He is single, in his mid 40's and just went off the deep end.

He became very depressed and started having panic attacks and a lot of confusion and self loathing.  His temper was never there before but he now ashes out.

After some counseling and some meds he is getting better.
I think for him it was acknowledging he has never married and had a family.  It kind of put him in a panic.  Life had pasts him by.

Please be patient with him.  It's an awful place to be and he does need some kind of support.
Just be kind to him.

[StillStanding]

On the other hand, with no one to intervene,  throw darts, orotherwise give them pause to think....they could go on and on indefinitely!

Intervention from others isn't what brings an MLC to its end. It ends when the MLCer processes and accepts whatever it is they need to work through.

[Sunny]

Thanks for all the comments. He will be 39 in early July, also never married, no kids. His family are so controlling and he has serious daddy issues. He also has his weird, very obvious need to be admired and praised constantly! And his memory is shot, don't know if that's a symptom of MLC or something, but it means he repeats things constantly, always wanting someone to say how wonderful he is. Sorry, that's not me! Sounds like the same reason H went looking for his skank. Thank you, I am definitely looking after myself. Having experienced H's MLC, and the personal growth I've experienced in the past 21 months, i am definitely able to look after myself!