[Lost]

CallanG,

Thank you very much for sharing this, this is so helpful to understand depression, and why they need to push away the LBS!

Lost
 

[Mitzpah]

CallanG,

What a great insight you have been given!
I hope that this helps heal your relationship with your father too.
It is encouraging for me to see this and gives me hope that one day my h. will recognize his own depression.
Thanks for posting

[CallanG]

My Father called me again last night, this is the most we have spoken in a normal way in many years. It feels like his depression has lifted and he is seeing clearly for the first time in a long time .

I explained that H had re written a lot of our marriage stating that it had not been happy for a long time and that he can not remember what it felt like to be happy . H also mentioned the thing about remembering something that we laughed at or a time that we were happy but seeing it in the third person if that makes sense .

My Father knew just what he meant , he said that you remember something and you can see yourself laughing but you can not equate that feeling to yourself because in a way the depression blocks all of that which lead us back to the fog .

He also mentioned the fact that your personality can split and you become someone that know one knows and the worst side of you comes out and hurts the people who are trying to help , but deep down the old you is desperate to stop it but can not do anything .

It is nice to sepak to someone who does not look at me as if I am mad when I tell them that H is not himself at the moment .

[LoveMeMyself]

CallanG,

    I have been reading right along with the others.  I just wanted to say "thanks" for sharing this information....it truly helps us to know as much as we can about this stuff.  It is especially nice to read/hear from someone who is willing to share what they experienced......as you said, "It is nice to speak to someone who does not look at me as if I am mad".........something we have all experienced.
 
     My exH has stated many times throughout his MLC that he is suffering from depression.....he has been under a doctor's care throughout this entire situation.  He knows he's depressed.......but he uses this as an excuse for the things he has done.....and speaks of it as something he will always have to deal with.  He claims he inherited it.  The thing is.......I've never witnessed this depression in the 6 years we were together.........as he claims he has always suffered with depression.  So, I can't help but wonder if this will always be his excuse/reason......and will never realize the true issue/problem lies within himself. 

    Thanks again for sharing such insight.

[CallanG]

LMM

I think with my Father when he was depressed he would blame everything on everyone else which is what MLC's tend to do, he would also rake up things from the past . It is only now that he seems to be out of a spell of depression that my Father is able to talk about it kind of admit that it was something in him that made him feel paranoid and blame everyone else , but he does say that the depression changes your personality so maybe things that they do in this state are due to the depression.

I would certainly say that my H behaviour at the moment is due to the depression and confusion within him , it does make it any easier to deal with but it goes a way to explaining some of it . 

[rosemary129]

Dear CallanG ,

It's so nice you post your father's story . It gives me hope . I read a lot "fog"story from MLCer . Every time I read , I become more compassionate about them . But when I face that Monster directly , I can not detach with my rational mind . I react with my feelings . I feel like I have two persons inside me . One is very sad & angry but the rational one try to override the emotional one . There are struggling constantly .
So , did you father tell you how he can come out of the fog ? Was there a so call " Awakening " ?

[calamity]

One is very sad & angry but the rational one try to override the emotional one . There are struggling constantly .

And this, Rosemary, makes you perfectly NORMAL. 

[31andcounting]

CallanG,  I might of missed reading it but did you say or do you know, Did your father take AD's or did he just work out of the depression?   Just curious?
31

[CallanG]

Rosemary, my Father depression has been going since around the time I was born , he has had several spells of normality in which he is a totally different person so I would say he has had many awakenings but alas he has always drifted back into a depression for one reason or another .

His depression stems form his M dying when he was 15 and his F remarrying pretty much straight away he was never able to accept the OW and for a long time he did not realise he was suffering from depression he said he just felt angry and ill and projected a lot of that onto my Mother. The divorced when I was 11 and he said he regrets that to this day some 30 odd years later .

He did say that to start with he felt physically ill all the time , tired , restless, angry , sad and then he sprialled out of control as the fog came over him, he has done some awful things during his life but I think I understand a bit more now that he was not always in control of what he was doing and that he was desperately clinging on to stop these things happening .

31 he has been on mediacation for many years and if he comes off them he becomes a monster pretyy quickly so he is resigned to taking them for the reast of his life .

One thing he said last night is that he could never have spoken to anyone close to him as he became paronoid that they were the enemy and that he resented the fact that they seemed stong and happy , so he could understand why H spoke to someone else and also someone else who is pretty mixed up herself, it goes with what is said on here and what my councellor has mentioned that at the moment H feels safe with someone who is also not very stable .

Ironically he also said that the grass is not always greener but when you are in a deep depression you are convinced that the fantasy will be .

[serenity]

Hi Callan,

I think your posts have been wonderful. So helpful and informative with details of your fathers' depression.

I feel sure this will help a lot of standers on this forum to understand and also ease their own pain a little, because if you understand a problem it is easier to cope with.

Look forward to meeting you this weekend. Hope this sunshine lasts!

Take care.

X