[toomanytearss]

Attaching.

[dbpb]

Just thought I would chime in here. Been divorced long time and ex has never once admitted to any wrong doing concerning having an affair and leaving marriage. He and I get along fairly well for a divorced couple, but I'm still waiting for an I'm sorry, which I don't expect to ever hear.
 

[Thunder]

dbpb,

We have been divorced for about a year and a half.  We get along really well also, but I agree..I don't see him ever apologizing.  I see him just sweeping it under the rug.

Partly because he's stubborn and partly because I don't think he remembers a lot of what he said or did.  I think his fog was REALLY thick.  When I one time reminded him of something he said he was shocked and said...I would NEVER have said that!   

[HeartTattoo]

Mine has said "I'm sorry" a number of times.  When he saw how shocked & devastated I was at BD he said it over & over until I just told him to stop.  He has said it a handful of times, usually when we've hugged during rare interactions.  Once it was "I'm sorry I did this to you".

My take on this is that it has all been to soothe his own guilt.  I do think he has regretted what happened, but has been so compelled/addicted to following this course of action (the infidelity, the abandonment, now the D) that he hasn't accepted any accountability for his actions.  He doesn't really blame me; I've even gotten "It's not you, it's me", but he hasn't accepted his wrong-doing either.  He has been overheard explaining that "Things just happened".  RCR has a good rebuttal for that in her articles, LOL.

I understand the sickness here & have love & compassion for him, but I don't believe he has apologized to me.  He does not have remorse; he isn't making amends on any level.  Forgiveness is a process.  If he returns with sincere actions, it will come more easily.  If our lives diverge long term, I think forgiveness will eventually come, more by default than anything else.

[patience.of.a.saint]

My exH won't ever apologize. We sort of touched on what happened with us last year, shortly after my current MLCer's BD and he pretty much blames me yet...said I never talked about anything & he had to guess. I remember him always thinking I was mad, so I guess if you think someone is mad and that they are not talking about it, then I guess it makes it easier to put the blame on them for what went wrong. I was never mad...I'm just a quiet person. He will still ask if I am mad when I reply to a text and do not put "lol" after every text. All I know is that I did not share his love of knowing who sang every song or acted in every movie, which was ALL he ever talked about. I do not know how I ended up married to him, but was happy to see him go. I really don't care if I get an apology from him or not.

[Medusa]

A few months back I got "I haven't  been a good us and to you". No kidding? Not recently!

We desire remorse, but I do think part of our healing is coming to accept we may never receive that. Occasionally mine will say something that is still self-centered and lets me know he's still deepl in replay.

[blackice]

mine has only recently begun to say he is sorry for what he has done. ok that's nice and all but you're still doing it so how sorry are you really?

you can spout word vomit at me all you want but until you grow a pair and actually do it i don't care anymore.

h has told me he has just been going through the motions and avoiding making any decisions cause it's easier that way, i told him really, cause look what you've done to yourself and how miserable you are, how's that working out for you?

i admit for a while i was doing the same but i woke up and decided to take the reins again. you can't go through life just letting people and things dictate your path. then it really isn't your path. it's theirs and your just going along with it.

[bipolared]

I think what has sucked me in a little recently is during R talks, H said that he realized he never spent time with me except for doing things we had to do, and didn't want to.  He didn't make time for any fun stuff.  That really got to me, as the idea of him spending quality time with the OWs bothers me more than sex.  I think about him going on dates with people with resentment more than I think about infidelity(or whatever it is, since we are separated).  Although as I am writing this, I realize I have not gotten any remorse for what he has done since BD except for him saying if I had moved out and dated two people he would be like "See ya, f you" instead of any thoughts of sticking around.

[Medusa]

h has told me he has just been going through the motions and avoiding making any decisions cause it's easier that way, i told him really, cause look what you've done to yourself and how miserable you are, how's that working out for you?

Mine doesn't want to make any "rash decisions". Clearly getting involved with a married woman you work with is not rash. 

[toomanytearss]

I think what has sucked me in a little recently is during R talks, H said that he realized he never spent time with me except for doing things we had to do, and didn't want to.  He didn't make time for any fun stuff.  That really got to me, as the idea of him spending quality time with the OWs bothers me more than sex.  I think about him going on dates with people with resentment more than I think about infidelity(or whatever it is, since we are separated).  Although as I am writing this, I realize I have not gotten any remorse for what he has done since BD except for him saying if I had moved out and dated two people he would be like "See ya, f you" instead of any thoughts of sticking around.

I got the same exact thing.