[sewing22]

We have a D together and parent 50/50 so we see each other every day and live just a few blocks from each other. So in a sense, we never broke up, so all the breaking up was for absolutely nothing!!

After I left I talked to him about a year later and told him that none of this was his fault, that I was so depressed that I couldn't see straight. It was still too raw so I don't think he could really receive it. I still was in no shape to get back together with him at that point, however. Fast forward to a year ago, we had a therapy session together because co-parenting with him became so difficult that he couldn't speak to me without showing lots of anger, which started to affect our D. In the session I told him that he was the greatest h, that he was honest, caring and took care of me, so to speak for two years while I wallowed on the couch, unbeknowst to me (because I thought I was "acting" normal), unable to cook or clean for a full two years. During these two years we had our D, so the only thing I did was go to work and took care of her. He NEVER complained once, not once and took over all of the house cleaning, the cooking and TOOK MY $h!te in general. I told him that not every man could have done this and that I hope and pray that one day our D marries a man just like him. I also told him that he needed to know that I regret what happened and that there will always be a part of me that HATES what the depression stole from me--it stole my family.

Funny thing Karma. Here I am some years later on H2 and I am now on the other side of it--can't help but to think, what goes around, comes around.   

[forthetrees]

Thanks for posting all those impressions of their MLC. Lots of food for thought in that list.

[Thunder]

sewing,

NO, don't think like that.  You did not choose depression.  It chose you.
You are not getting punished for it.  I don't think God is that vindictive.

He has another plan for you, you just don't know what that is yet.  Be patient.

[sewing22]

Awwww, thanks so much Thunder!! What I should say is that the guilt the depressed, checked-out spouse feels is overwhelming and I don't think we truly ever get rid of it 100%. I have forgiven myself as of last year, but there will always be a residue of regret over hurting someone who loved you and breaking a part your family.  And that's just the truth!! Its just something I live with.

Thx again!

[Beacon]

Wow thank you for so much for that post. Very eye opening indeed.

[scooter]

Wow gives me some hope not sure how long my journey will be but I still have faith that my H will come back to me.  I will stand for as long as I can. I am moving forward without him but I can't give up on him.

[Nas]

1t, thank you SO much for this thread!

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I agree. It's very helpful to read these things.

[BlueBittz]

Im devastated, but after reading what your H said, i just cant stop laughing and feeing angry at the same!! The frustration is real. 😳😭😂

I think  we've all heard these at one point or another, but for the newbies I will throw the strangest one I got right after BD. He said he had to leave "Because the dog is too fat."

[Shadoe]

Right after h moved out we had this conversation:


me: What would it take for us to get back together?


h: Me to not be me.


me: Why do you want a divorce.


h: I am too fragile to talk about it but we will get through this and both be better people for it.