[calamity]

Old thread:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4793.0

I brought this over from the old thread as I think it is a very important post.

I have suffered from depression.  It's hard to imagine what goes on in the mind of a person who is depressed; it is a private hell.  Each person experiences depression differently. I would describe it as being a short circuit in the brain which distorts normal thought processes and the worst thing about it is the depressed mind feels like reality no matter how much you tell yourself that what you are thinking or doing is not logical.  One of the issues with depression is that it can creep up on you gradually so that one day you realise something is not right but you don't have a name for it.  It is so awful that I understand why someone who has has not been diagnosed will turn to all sorts of things to get some respite.  I was lucky in that my doctor recognised the symptoms and I got professional help.  One of the best bits of advice I was given during this time was to not do anything life changing that I might later regret - at BD I repeated this to H but he insisted he knew what depression was and he wasn't depressed.... It is a tragedy that so many of our MLCers are either ignorant of the symptoms of depression or refuse for whatever reason to acknowledge there may be a problem.

[Pixiegirl]

The depression is horrible. I am so afraid of it coming back. It certainly is a battle to overcome. You know when I asked H what he planned on doing and if he was ever going to come back to get his stuff he said I'm not making any major decisions in my life right now...this was AFTER he picked up and walked out on his life, bought a race car, and rented the dump? I'd say those were major decisions. Crazy!

[The lighthouse]

Attaching 

[Medusa]

Mine knew he was depressed and refused to get help. In retrospect, the day I begged him to get IC was the first time I saw the monster. They need to be ready to address their issues. Until they are, they will run.

I see in myself that I had a mini-crisis before BD. I was pursuing my doctorate for all the wrong reasons. I was deeply depressed just before he started with OW due to getting laid off, and I just dove deeper and deeper into my studies. Then BD came and I was a mess. That, however, spurned me into getting the help I needed. Its the difference between me and him: I knew needed help. I might have been running for awhile (my "mistress" was me education) but I didn't go off the rails like him. I don't have to live with the kind of guilt he has to live with.

[bipolared]

Mine knew he was depressed and refused to get help. In retrospect, the day I begged him to get IC was the first time I saw the monster. They need to be ready to address their issues. Until they are, they will run.

I see in myself that I had a mini-crisis before BD. I was pursuing my doctorate for all the wrong reasons. I was deeply depressed just before he started with OW due to getting laid off, and I just dove deeper and deeper into my studies. Then BD came and I was a mess. That, however, spurned me into getting the help I needed. Its the difference between me and him: I knew needed help. I might have been running for awhile (my "mistress" was me education) but I didn't go off the rails like him. I don't have to live with the kind of guilt he has to live with.

Mine is doing something like that now.  Recently(and always now that I think about it) he has tried to blame the depression and mood swings on his drinking. He will sometimes admit maybe he needs help but then he doesn't do anything-I guess he gets on that upswing and decides there is nothing wrong with him.
I realized when H and I were talking the other night that I had done something like him although not on as grand a scale.  I threw myself into pet rescue and political activism for an identity and also b/c I got no attention from him.  My "crimes" were really very minor but he has inflated them to the point where I didn't care if he lived or died and had no respect for him.  So I guess many of us have had at least transitions either leading up to BD or due to it.

[Searching4Answers]

Interesting way of looking at this.

My situation is similar but I didn't realize it until much later. I was going to school and working full-time. Once I graduated I got a job that where my education would be used. I was laid off after a year, unemployed for 6 months, next job was 1 1/2 then laid off again. I have always been very independent so not having stable employment was tough on me. I still paid attention to H but I think that he was having difficulty coping with the situation - we never struggled financially even when I wasn't working. I am sure that I was experiencing some depression but I didn't run from things. I did start to drink more but I think that was due to H pulling away - that is how I was dealing with being at home with him but feeling like I was all alone.

I really think that the MLCer doesn't have the coping skills that they need to deal with life. My H was fine so long as there were no surprises and he could be in control

[Pixiegirl]

Mine knew he was depressed and refused to get help. In retrospect, the day I begged him to get IC was the first time I saw the monster. They need to be ready to address their issues. Until they are, they will run.

Mine was going and on AD's but stopped both.
I saw monster every time I brought it up...then it was projection.

[nah]

attaching

[Seekingpatience]

Am starting to find out what MLC SCRIPT is...

I have never heard H use the phrase "it is what it is" in 23 years but last week...heard it twice before reading this thread.

H: " My mom and Ex SIL went thru this(finding out their H's cheated) and they are happy now"

Pause. Teary eyed H: " They married someone else, didn't they?"

[NeverGiveUp1]

I know this is an old thread but I'm enjoying reading through the previous script threads and thought I'd add some of the ones I've heard:

I felt neglected and unloved / you suffocated me
I don't think this is forever
I can't ask you to wait
It bothers me I've never been with anyone else, how do I know you're the one?
I don't need anything you can have it all, I'll be ok with just a mattress on the floor
I've been trying for years
I've been pretending for years
I'm just in a dark place right now
I'm tired of the cycle
I need to be alone, I need to go dark
I can't see myself continuing down this path I'm on but I can't see myself coming back either
I keep hitting a wall and I don't know if I can get past it
I'm just numb and can't feel anything and don't want to feel anything
I know I need to stop running from my problems
I do love you but it's buried by numbness and depression
I just left to try to feel something but nothing worked
I thought leaving would make me happy but it didn't it made it worse
I tried to tell myself I didn't need you and just needed to try harder to get over you
I'm sorry I ruined your life, all I ever wanted was to make you happy
I can't forgive you for how you neglected me 5 years ago
I can't feel anything for anyone
Don't cry for me, I'm not worth it
You deserve better
Don't worry about me
This won't affect (daughter) at all, she'll be fine (she's 3!!)
I didn't leave (daughter) I only left you
I know you must hate me
I can't see a time when I wouldn't miss you
I will always be there for you
It would never work, there's a reason I left, and now I've done too much damage
I can't see the road in front of me
There's like a big cloud of thoughts swirling around and it changes every day


Wow..
Seeing it all laid out like this makes it painfully obvious how lost they are.