[Dji76]

Lanzo, if I recall correctly u have your daughter most of the time? Or at least u did for much of the last 2 years?? I have my kids (5&9) about 75% of the time. This is not an ideal set up as it relates to having much of a sex life with new women. I have Wednesday, Thursday and every other Sunday night without my children. They are my priority... Sex life will have to wait. Not ideal but what am I to do? Both my parents remarried... One was a really bad experience. I don't plan to introduce my kids to any women, especially while they are young. So while I consider myself in the upper 25% im not very available

[Mad Hatter]

Good Q Elray. I have a 5 y/o son and 9 y/o daughter. As for my son I will not advise him unless he asks when that time comes. I will tell him the truth about the disadvantages of marriage and let him form his own opinion. The real question is how would i advise my daughter??? I think she deserves the same truths as my son and she should make decisions that benefit her with all the facts. Fortunately they are young and I have a long time before I need to worry about those issues for them.
Truth is the best thing I can do is raise to have good self esteem and not feel the need to fix other people. I already try to teach them they are not responsible for anyone else hapoiness and that they shouldn't feel the need to fight for someones love.

Here's a question to all the dads out there... What would u tell your sons/daughters to do if they were married to someone having an affair and MLC??

I would educate a son by offering some basic relationship books, such as 5 love languages and otsofs of that type. But more importantly, I woild make sure a good helping of "red pill" information was at his fingertips. I too woild give him the cold hard reality of marriage and the potential cost he would burden!


The big dliemma for a man is properly guiding his daughter! How do you, as a man, raise your daughter to get back to traditional qualties; how to not end up with a spoiled sense of self-entitlement driven by hypergamy. How to learn to care for herself; emotionally, physically, financially and only enter into a relationship for someone she actually cares for equally and for the right reasons and not look at him as an asset and a means to sn end! How do you ensure they dont emulate the piss poor example set by there mothers and other signifigant women in there lives.

Figure that one out!

[Lanzo]

Hi DJ,

At the moment I have my daughter 90% of the time and she has been my primary focus so I haven’t had much time for anything else.

xW gets her house next month (I think) and D wants to go live there (mainly to keep the peace and to get a bigger bed room), so I will have  more time on my hands and maybe, maybe meet someone special. But that someone will be for me and not someone to integrate or be around D13, although D has said she would be ok with me having a girlfriend.

So while I could sleep with woman,  I will have to feel something special for them before that happens.

Lanzo

[forthetrees]

There is a great book out there as an audio CD about the Economics of Marriage (Spousonomics) - the authors do see the business aspects of the contract and lay it out as to the pros and cons and how people get into trouble.
I would advise a prenup. I would have been utterly up the creek without one. Even with one, ex tried to break it.
Nowadays, even if you are past child bearing/raising years, our nation´s healthcare system sets up advantages for married couples. The cost of healthcare in our golden years is going to make or break our standard of living. The tax system also favors married couples over singles. A prenup can avoid the problems of children from prior marriages being financially slighted while bringing advantages to the couple. Never in a million years did I think ex would become an ex, so if I were to marry again, I´d have to accept that I could be blindsided again. At least I now know how to scrape myself up and off the floor. I refuse to allow his MLC to destroy my ability to trust others who have not betrayed me. I think LBSers are very loyal people- who else would hang on through the BS thrown at us for merely existing and still have hope of a reconciliation long after most folks have slammed the door and divorced? Mr. ex is a vanisher, still mentally unstable and I have let go- still treasure who he was, avoid who he is and do carry a level of fear for my safety. I think even his own FOO is starting to realize/admit that he is unstable. As one who has reached the other shore- protect your health, safety and finances. Don´t assume that your MLCer won´t stoop "that" low.

[bookwrmmom]

Quote from: Darth Obo on January 31, 2015, 10:13:37 AM
Great thread guys and good start so far. For the ladies who have responded positively and are lookinginfor some Iinsight to how we think, feel and express then welcome.

So glad to finally see a place like this on HS.

However, for personal reasons, I will be bowing out; not just from tbe thread, but HS completely. This is for a couple reason:

1) I feel the direction I am going and at the stage I am at now, I have outgrown it or otherwise need to get on with my new life.

2) some recent events that have occured around the HS community have given me cause for concern about the safety and privacy of information and topics I have disclosed about my personal, life and situation. I fear that data could be exposed and used as a weapon against me. These concerns were brought up multiple times by more than one person but I feel they were not properly addressed or otherwise ignored.

WARNING - If you are a part of the alt chat thread, beware.....there are members there that keep records of the chats and have threatened to use these against members by sending it to their spouses! Until this is addressed and corrected.....you are not safe there!!!!

I wish all of you the very best and peace to all of you! Perhaps I may return down the road to check in.....maybe not.

Thanks to all of you for the support and comradiere!

Now, to go rule the Galaxy in proper Sith form! 


Darth Obo

So I think this warning should be reiterated here one more time. Since this is the MAN CAVE. These threats were made to men of this group (forum) by a woman neither of them know. They only came into contact with her via the fellowship chat, and have never met her personally. One of the threats I received myself, many it was a threat to a man to contact his employer and threaten his livelihood. This man did NOTHING to her and she is obviously a very lonely, bitter, and angry woman. She took innocent chat conversations and COPIED and SAVED them. I do not want to discourage anyone from getting support and speaking their truth. This forum and the friends I made BECAUSE a of that very chat room and helped save my life and sanity. I just think you need to tread carefully until you really learn the character of our new friends. Consider this my HEADS UP guys.
PS: Most of the ladies here.......we are true KEEPERS....and pretty hot and sexy to boot

[hawk]

That's one of my biggest worries Hatter.
l even worry how it appears to my d , me still being nice to W when d knows what W did to our family and to me.
l worry that l'm an example of just let your spouse sh@t in your face and then be nice to them.
l worry to that bc W and me don't bad mouth each other at all , l actually say nice things about her ,but l worry that's just gonna be more of the same for my d.
l know , l'm doing it for my d so that her child hood can still be as nice and together as poss' under these circumstances and working with her mum is the best way to get that.
And because l won't have my innocent in allof this daughter be the meat in the sandwich or pawn , or grow up watching her own parents bitter and hating each other .
And because l caused a lot of it to and hurt her mum a lot and yeah this wasn't the answer but stuff did happen.

And l worry to , that l look like a bit of a sucker to her when here's mum , she was seeing om around my d , but here's me , still alone and when there has been someone l will not have them around my d yet so that looks to d as if l'm just the loser sitting around alone .

l do really worry about all that stuff , Because yeah on the other side of the coin , it is achieving everything l hoped it would for my d's childhood in this . She's relaxed and happy these days and there's no knife cutting atmosphere when mum and dad are in the same room. No spite , no b@tching , hating, no arguments, or my d getting torn this way and that . And there's no rigid time table that an innocent 13yr old has to uphold and live while she's trying to house hop for the rest of her childhood. There's give and take and all very easy going right across the lot , nothings in stone except that we still love her more than anything in this world and she still has all her family just as much as she did before . We can all and d especially , come and go any time we want.
There's none of any of that . Sometimes it's as if we are still a family only we just weren't getting along so we're just sort of a bit separate now . W even sends me long text and lots of photos all day long of d heading of to start at her new school , l could even be right there with her and w all together if l wanted but d was already stressed enough as it was and had lots to get ready so l didn't.
And if life has to be this way for her , l can say she must have the best separated family and set up l've seen anywhere and if it was gonna be like this then that's what we wanted for her , the best we could make it.

BUT , the other side of the coin are the things l mentioned and sometimes l really worry about the example that must be setting and how it could appear to my d.
l'm still trying to figure out if l've got that part right or if it is way way wrong !

[bipolared]

Hawk, I think she will see that you are taking the high road and being honorable.  I have a friend who rails on me all the time b/c she thinks I am being too nice to H.  I have actually discussed it with my Ds(they are slightly older than yours) and they are very appreciative and admiring of my behavior.  I think your D will see your strong character and kindness as a good model for behavior and love her dad all the more for trying to make things better for her.

[Jackolar12]

This thread is primarily for men.
I will be the primary moderator for this thread.
It is my thread and I will set the rules.
There was a thread on DB called this and it did not go well,
we also had a thread here close(for post length)  and I am gathering their were some hurt feelings.

I know that their are men here who feel that they have been persecuted and
that they are not manly enough.

Women please enter this thread at your own risk.

Their may be some rough stuff going on this thread,
I really can not predict that.

However I feel like the men here need a place to voice their concerns, vent etc.
The forum will automatically edit any swearing or cuss words.

OK it is OPEN for business.

BRING IT!

Hi old pilot and roller coaster thank you for you caring insight into the male perspective we are not as bad as we are made out to be, I think if you asked most men we have been more than loyal, more than faithfull morethan true and deffinately more than hopeful our Mlcers will come back to us, I have made some deep connections to male brothers through this site, unfortunately I have experienced bad things through people I  have believed I could be open with, albeit they have their own issues and a genders and I hope they will come through that's what it's all about forgiveness, the unconditionals apply to everyone and so they should. It's a very different world out here today, things don't pan out as they did 20,30,40 years or more ago. Your living by the seat of your pants, surviving and judging by instinct, we are reverting to to our primordial ancestors. Personally I'm christian in my faith and will go to my grave believing this but that's my choice. I wish everyone well and hope your God goes with you. I'm a male by nature and love my woman and can't adapt to rules or regulations as my instinct is to overcome and conquer and to argue my perspective should this be the case. I guess I'm just me as your you, take care Jackolar 12.

[hawk]

Hawk, I think she will see that you are taking the high road and being honorable.  I have a friend who rails on me all the time b/c she thinks I am being too nice to H.  I have actually discussed it with my Ds(they are slightly older than yours) and they are very appreciative and admiring of my behavior.  I think your D will see your strong character and kindness as a good model for behavior and love her dad all the more for trying to make things better for her.

You think BP . Can't tell you what a relief that is to hear and from somebody that has girls in the same sitch.
l've worried about all this from day one.
But W and l have never liked bs or wanted to be hating in anyway.
l know yeah sure , that sorta means w gets of scot free but not really. She knows there's a line with me and it's about d now , among other things.
And she bends over backwards for it all in anyway she can and then some . So ,reading and hearing what others go through well , let sleeping dogs lie l reckon .
Besides , who wants to live hating and bitter ?

But yeah there has been the example to d thing buggen me.
So do you think l should talk to her like you did , sorta explain the sitch  , or maybe just let it ride . She s only 13 , l've never know as yet ?

[elray]

Hawk,

I think the key for our kids is to find that space where we behave with grace, but not as a doormat.  It is a fine line to walk.

Bend over too far, and you daughter may spin into your W's narcissistic influence and believe men are there to make her happy.  But show grace in adversity, and you teach what a real man looks like.

BookWorm -- I've been thinking all weekend about whether to open up that can of worms on this thread -- OP and I were right in the middle of that mess -- and even on this man cave thread, I know I am pulling my punches because I still feel under the shadow of a threat.  RCR and I certainly didn't share the same opinion on the significance of that.  To remain quiet feels unauthentic, but I also know part of me that wants to go off is tapping into the pain of the MLC process -- something I need to move beyond.  So for now, I am going to follow my own advice above, and try live in the spirit of grace while being a bit guarded in what I share here.  Peace out, friends.