[Is it still love, in love, or loving what we once had?]

Is it still love, in love, or loving what we once had?

In Love

2 (10%)

Love

9 (45%)

Loving what you USED to have.

9 (45%)

Total Members Voted: 20

[bookwrmmom]

It seems like I'm somewhere in between love and the next step in the cycle, which might be like something like maybe we could be friends...at best.

MN I feel kind of like this, but then I think that none of my friends would do the truly horrible things to me that H did. He truly went nuts, and I think now he knows it. He called today about misc. BS and I swear it sounds like he misses his best friend. Well he had a damn good best friend, and he $hit all over her. I don't need that kind of friendship, but I just don't have it in me to treat him badly. I am tired, and just want peace and happiness in my life.

I look forward to building something better and real in the future. Good to know I'm human and I do feel both the bad and the good of life. I trust I'm going to be just fine in the right time and place. Its been a growing experience for me and I want that part to always move forward.

Sleepless ^^^^ ditto what you said!

[Blondie]

Heres a thought. It took me a good couple of years to fall out of love with my h even in the face of a man i thought was being ugly from the inside out. H on the other hand on the surface managed it pretty damn quickly.

Goes to show how far gone they actually are at bd. They are definitely out of love with you at that point and i have just said it takes us a good couple of years to catch up !

I have to admit I still love my H the same as ever (BD April 2014), I don't like him very much (lol) but I still feel romantic love for him. I found SD's quote interesting cos obviously some of them do come back. I'm assuming for the ones that do that their feelings hadn't so much changed as they'd buried them for whatever reason to go off and explore 'the grass is greener' with the OP. I genuinely think my H did still have romantic love for me til he started chatting online with OW, I think he does still love me in that way and that when he comes out of his crisis it will hit him hard. In the meantime I am hoping my feelings for him will wane and then it wont all be quite so painful. I really don't like the person he currently is. OW is welcome to him! 

Take care everyone xx

[hopeful2]

I still love my h.At times I could not feel my love for because all I could feel is all consuming pain.There has been times when I prayed that God would take my love away from me because I really did not want to love him anymore. There has been times where I have felt like a fool to love him.My heart has been crushed and my love rejected yet it still goes on loving him.My love has been tryed, tested and proven to be true. I have learn to give grace and mercy that goes beyond forgiveness.I understand that his crisis is about him and not about me.l am learning not to take it personal.I Stand because I made a promise to God and to him to love him for better and for worse. The only way out of the promise is one of us has to die. I am learning to love without asking anything in return. So many times love is based on what can I get out of and when there is nothing or it gets hard we bail. That is not true love.True never gives up.It never fails. It holds no record of wrong. True love is not easy..but it is what we all need.

[Howmanytimes]

I still love my H.  I know I always will even if we never get back together.  I try to suppress my love and sometimes I can and other times I just feel overwhelmed by it.

He came round Sunday and took me shopping and to the dump to throw some old saucepans away and he was walking back to the car and I was sitting in it and I looked at him and realised that he had aged and my heart went out to him and at that moment I felt love for him.  He is so familiar to me and I find it comforting to be with him.  That is why it hurts so much.

He thinks he is in love with OW and maybe he is.  When I found out about the affair he tried to end it with her and I saw tears in his eyes when I asked him how he was.  I think he genuinely believes it is love and what worries me is if it is.  I know he misses me and I think he has some form of love for me.  He does not find me attractive anymore so maybe that in itself should tell me that any love he does have is not very deep.  I think if you truly love someone then no matter how much they may have aged over the years or lost their looks,  they would still be attractive to you.  Love is blind as they say.

Hope everyone is ok.  Thick snow in the south of England now.

[Howmanytimes]

Hi Hopeful2

Your post was beautiful.

[Seekingpatience]

I think I love H, I love the man he was (which was the best he could be under the circumstances ) and I love the man he could be from what I have seen in him even under these horrible circumstances. I just am not in love with him because "in love" is active and present. He is neither right now.

[hopeful2]

Howmanytimes
Thank you...I don't think they are able to love they while they are in MLC. What he thinks
feels for the ow is selfish lust. She is meeting a need he has at the moment.When she no longer can meet that need he will be done with her.He can not see past himself to love anyone right now.You're right that with true love you grow even more beautiful to them no matter how you look on the outside.
Hugs
Hopeful 2

[patience.of.a.saint]

I still love my man. I was well on my way of talking myself out of it when his aunt told me what it was like to be in a depression, as that is what she believes has been his problem for most of his adult life. I decided then that I can't turn my back on him.

I picture myself as the one sitting at the edge of his hole, holding the lantern while he digs his hole deeper. He pops his head out once in a while to see if I am still sitting there and then goes back to digging. Right now, I have the easier gig. I just have to keep the lantern lit....and since I still love him, the light still shines bright. I also think that if he didn't still love me, he'd have thrown more dirt my way and buried my lantern by now.