Hawk, there have always been rules about rudeness, cussing, name calling and stuff like that. We watch all of the threads for overly aggressive behaviour. When we see a member becoming worked up, their anger and bitterness obviously taking them over, we gently try to lead them out of it. Sometimes we have had to become quite assertive and warn them that their ANGER AND BITTERNESS is beginning to take them over and will eventually destroy them.
With women, we know that if we control the depth of their anger, we often prevent an increase in resentment, when we prevent resentment we save them from bitterness. Bitterness is a real killer. I came so close to going down that road and when I remember it, I see darkness and "COLD"!
I am not as familiar with men. I'm not as confident about trying to rein in your anger and bitterness, as I not completely convinced that expressing, feeling and enacting those feelings, is something men need to do, more then women. As a woman, I absolutely know, that at all costs prevent bitterness, I just can't believe that the same does not apply to men, bitterness is a terrible place to be, I was afraid of getting stuck there. I have definitely met "bitter" people and they are not pleasant to be around. Some anger is healthy, very healthy. In fact no anger, I do not think is a good sign at all. It's just not natural to me. Plus I truly believe that anger can, if watched closely, push us through to the next stage. I'm just not sure how much anger is too much. I will watch this thread and hopefully figure that out.
Yes, I said stage. LBS's have just as many stages as MLCer. WE cycle and we continue to cycle until we purge all the demons of each cycle out of ourselves. I believe that is how we grow and eventually thrive. Again though, I am not confident of my ability to tell how you men are doing. Heck, I don't always get it right with the ladies. I have thought they were moving along quite well, only to discover later that they are stuck, stuck, stuck!
I also am not confident about my ability to gauge MALE anger as well. Men often sound much angrier then they really are. All I can ask of you gentlemen that you be patient with us, if you are able, because we are learning slowly what you need as well. Hopefully if you tell us to chill out, that you are in NO WAY out of control, we will back away and leave you to it. Learn to trust you. Perhaps, even learn a thing or two about male anger, resentment, bitterness as apposed to female. I am sure, once we get USED to each other, this will all work out just fine.
Sometimes Hawk, it is not a BAD thing, to not be as completely VOCAL as you think you might like to be. I can assure you, I have quite a temper and my language can and is often "very colourful"! I like to think, posting in here has taught me a LITTLE self control. (Lord knows, needed to!) If I want to speak out, I have discovered that I am able to say it without being nasty, vulgar and unkind. In fact, I found it worked much, much better then the "old get in their face and confront/get it off your chest" thing! Dear Calamity and RCR once told me, my comments sounded like a "first draft", as my comments were clipped, sharp and not well thought out. Instead of making my point, I had come across as being angry and rude. the point I had been trying to make was completely lost and basically USELESS. So fear not, I've had my fingers "slapped" more the a couple of times. Didn't do me a bit harm. In fact, the next time I wanted to make a POINT, I thought about it and took my time writing it, so my point was not MISSED! I like to think I am doing that here...hehehe! (how am I doing lads)
Basically Hawk I'm just trying to tell you, we want to help, we want to help everybody but we have to understand and learn how best to do that. Whether it be for you men or woman. Speak out Hawk, say whatever you want to, just realize that speaking out doesn't have to be crude, lewd and vulgar. In fact, you are usually heard much better if you do not! Just saying Hawk.
Hugs Stayed
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MAN CAVE 2