[OldPilot]

Time to  start another.

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=6085.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=6104.0

[Thundarr]

Can we have beer in this one? 

On a serious note, I'd like to hear about some of the challenges that other male LBSes have with parenting children (of all ages).  Mine are 22, 14 and 10 so 3 very different stages of development and each putting me through the wringer in their own way.  Having to be a single/ solo parent is super tough on anyone but I think it can be especially challenging for us guys.

That, and more talk about hypergamy, too.  That's very interesting to me lately, and kind of makes me want to just get a dog like Braveheart.  I may even name it Braveheart just because.

[Dji76]

My kids are S5 and D9... Ill start with my daughter as she has had lots of issues with w. My w never connected with our d. She has always been "mine" for the most part. I don't think its deliberate on my w part and I have seen her TRY with d. Its just never come natural to her. Here are some of the things my d has said about her mom in the past 6(?) weeks:
"It feels like God gave up on mom", "I don't call her mom anymore, I call her that thing or it", "I don't care when she yells at me anymore. I just look away and say sorry", "I miss the old mom, before she was the devil", "I wish she would die", "Daddy, I wish you would marry someone else and never send me back to moms"
I validate her feelings and ask questions... I listen and I don't betray her trust when she confides in me. As much as ego wants to take over and lash out at w I keep it in as I know it wont help. My d is now in counseling, she seems to like it. Counselor communicates directly with w to address issues so its not coming from me.
I'm trying to teach my daughter it is not her responsibility to make mom or dad happy. I'm trying to teach her not to "chase" other peoples love. I work on her self esteem and want her to be comfortable in her own skin. I want her to be able to love and take care of herself first. She is a GREAT big sister to her brother. More than anything I try to show her what a good man looks like by the way I treat her, my son, my crazy a$$ wife... People in general.  Im trying to teach her she is in control of her own emotions and that happiness is a choice.
The two struggles that remain are she has started having academic troubles in school and she doesnt seem to have a passion for anything other than her toys. She seems to want to be home a lot unless I'm with her. For example, grandparents pick kids up from school on Tuesdays and she never wants to do anything other than head back to our house.

[bookwrmmom]

I try to let the Man Cave be just for the men, but I did want to make a hopefully brief comment.

I've seen women hold a man responsible for everything.

I decided early on (even before I had any thoughts of not standing any longer) that I would never hold any other man responsible for what my H has done to me. Just as I didn't hold H responsible for any wrongs done to me before I met him (I had a BF decide to leave/vanish when I was 7 mths pregnant with my youngest child-he was in his 40's and now I believe he was in MLC). Anyhow I agree with TinT that I refuse to allow the crazy $hit that my H has done to me allow me to become a bitter woman. I believe in love, and I believe in LTR's, and I don't NEED someone in my life. I do however want the right person in my life so that we can uplift and support each other. This old $hit of it being a man's responsibility to provide everything is just that bull$hit! A relationship is teamwork, 50/50. I tell my son when dating "Baby you can do bad all by yourself. You need a female who will work BESIDE you to build a life."
Just my NOT so humble opinion 

[UnconditionalLove]

Attaching!

[Braveheart]

Mine were 12 and 18 when BD went down, which I'm very glad of, they were old enough to share more with than if they had been younger. My daughter was old enough to figure out what was probably going on and was furious with her Mom. My son pegged it when I picked him up from summer camp ( Yes, she left while he was at camp). When I informed him his mom had left us and I wasn't sure what was going on he said "Dad, I think Mom must be having a midlife crisis".....It got easier after that, but it's never easy, I found the calendar was my friend to keep things on track...one day at a time...

[Superman]

My kids are S15,D13 &D5. W left in the middle of the night after 3 horrible months post bd. those 3 months we saw the complete unraveling of w. I had the pleasure of walking in on w cutting her wrist (had to pull the razors out),  watching D5 basically be neglected  in every way. I had to make some tough choices.

I had the hardest conversation with my kids as they were often home while I was working. I talked to them about "what to do if they found mom". It was both critical and awful wrapped in one. They saw the seriousness first hand so I thought it necessary that they had a plan.

Going through D13 and puberty was again something I wasn't prepared for. W missed out on that one. I can say that these experiences have made my relationships rock solid with my kids. Me and D13 learned how to do hair and everything together. I wasn't going to let this rob my daughter of life.

D5--man. She is my buddy. We have been through so much together. From sleepless nights to potty training...we have gone through it all. W has only recently even been any sort of help the last 4 months. D5 often comes to work with me too. 

Routines have been a big key in my kids security through this. Their live has not changed much other than mom is gone. We go grocery shopping together, now the kids fill the cart and plan the week out. It's great to see. I also think being involved in iur church has helped tremendously.  It's been like an extended family of people with similar values.

I love my kids....id walk to the ends if the earth for them.  I hope that I am a good example to them of what kind of man my a should be, and the type of man i would want my daughters to marry.  I definitely don't want them learning the ways of my w.

[Picton]

 

[MeNow]

One of the biggest challenges early on was that W and my parenting styles would clash. She, being in a monster mode acted like a total ass, trying to tell me what to do.

Now she leaves me alone and we do our own things. I worry that our values and styles confuse our D's as she's become way more open about tolerating everything and against everything I believe in. I'm sure she doesn't hesitate to bash my advice and values to the girls. After all, she said divorce wouldn't affect them at all as she could provide for all of their emotional needs (as if she can do that).

[Braveheart]

My D22 (then 18) and I have bonded in a way I think few Dad's get to, I've actually had to go to a few "Black Tie" events where she's wanted to come. I've actually filled in the Mom role and went clothes shopping with her to pick out  dresses with her.

At times though I think she forgets what's gone during happy moments and reverts. This Christmas we went shopping and she held up something and blurted out, "Dad, do you think Mom would like this?", then caught herself, knowing I no longer have a clue, not really even talked to her Mom in over three years...The sadness that come over her in moments like that twists a knife in my guts..