[barbiedoll]

There are 3 videos on Family Tree Counselling Associates webpage entitled The Slaughter Of Trust that talk about a " radar " or "mother nature" way of having you marry the exact person you need to heal childhood injuries . I should know how to add a link , but I do not. It is suggesting that MLC is natures way of knocking down defences in one and this ultimately fotces the other to heal thier own. So we all married  "exactly the right person". Therefore, there are no victims EVER . i  very intrigued by this perspective and the speaker is very convincing . There are many brilliant videos but specifically , I would love to hear opinions on those 3 . I believe he is correct, as unbelievable as it is .

[in it]

I pretty much agree with this. I had no idea I married my mother. Someone with no self worth, self respect, and a poor self image. You cannot give this to anyone. They have to find their own way.

It took a situation in which I was in contact with her again for me to so clearly see it.

 She treated me the same way even said the same things the ex did. That's not an mlc. That's a personality disorder.

[barbiedoll]

"It took a situation in which I was in contact with her again for me to so clearly see it."

This is precisely what happened to me . I had an "event " with my mother .... to see exactly , that I married a man exactly like my mother . All the things that I could not understand or "get" from my mother , I could not "get " from my husband . 100% epiphamy . WOW. My mother is a narcissist or some strain of personality disorder as well. Atleast i now know where some of my "missing pieces " are .

[in it]

(((HUGS))) Barbie please read about healing from this ( narcissistic abuse).

YOU are enough and have nothing to prove to anyone else.
You cannot make someone care the way you may need them too.

 After a while no outside validation is needed. It takes a while to accept you need to care about you more than anyone else does.

Regain peace..you have the power to do it. Empathy for yourself is more important than what you feel you need to show to them....it's going to be ok.

[Anjae]

Here are the links, Barbie.

https://www.youtube.com/user/familytreecounseling/videos - Slaughter of Trust Part 1,2, and 3

www.familytreecounseling.com/ - Family Tree Counselling Asociates

[forthetrees]

Another "married a man with the same emotional deficits as my mother." Mother was a narcissist- took me a LOOOOOONG time to see it (that ole love for one´s mother is blinding in many ways)

Neither could utter the phrase, "I am sorry."

OK - lessons learned. Now can I find Mr. Wonderful as in can complete the sentence, "I feel ______ and I need __________."?

[in it]

I'm not sure FTT seems like some people feel if they express that they may not receive it..it makes them feel too vulnerable.

Some people think you would intentionally NOT give them what they need as a punishment.

[Searching4Answers]

Another "married a man with the same emotional deficits as my mother." Mother was a narcissist- took me a LOOOOOONG time to see it (that ole love for one´s mother is blinding in many ways)

Neither could utter the phrase, "I am sorry."

Add me to that list I have some work to do in this area still.

I'm not sure FTT seems like some people feel if they express that they may not receive it..it makes them feel too vulnerable.

Some people think you would intentionally NOT give them what they need as a punishment.

This is my mother! Any time that I was vulnerable growing up it was used against me I learned to stop being vulnerable with her but now I wonder at what cost to me and my other relationships.

[in it]

Exactly..she had a fit if I even cried. They look at us as extentions of them and not our own person. It is a really sick way to grow up with a mother who discourages you from something that actually helps you feel better. I always feel better after a good cry.

Never any affection..I could go to her for a hug but she never came to me. And she was like hugging a fencepost. Never said she was sorry for anything.  Barely spent any time with me. I was discarded by her more times than I can count in my life.

She never said she was proud of me or anything else. She believes in kicking people while they are down. She a negative, bitter, hateful, jealous, envious person. And I have worked all my life not to be like her..and she's only gotten worse as she's gotten older.

After this last situation?? I'm all done with her. It took me a while to flush her out in front of other people. When it was done I was actually physically ill for 3 days. You have to expose them IMHO.

I don't need her to validate me. I remember when I was younger I used to think..What's wrong with her..not what's wrong with me.

Then I married someone exactly like her.

[Searching4Answers]

I feel you in it!
 
I was just thinking today how growing up I was never allowed to show my emotions and now I have trouble recognizing what I am feeling and why. I don't ever remember being told 'I love you' growing up and then a few years ago my mom started ending every phone call with 'love you, bye' but it feels empty. Maybe it is too late.