[Trustandlove]

whyme --

I do know a woman who had just such a reconciliation agreement with her H -- they had just a few basic points.  They remained married, maintained separate households, and had sex only with each other.  They saw each other once a week, phoned once, I think.  Otherwise each led his/her own life....   that lasted something like 2.5 years; he then came home.... 

It worked well for them; she recognised the depression.  He had had an A; BD was only after it had been over for a while....   Her one boundary was "no one else".  He made no promises, but did hold to that, and slowly worked his way home. 

It's an interesting concept, one I'm not at all against.

[whyme2]

Trustandlove:

I am not opposed to it either.....IF the goal is to work towards being a whole family again, at some point.

But my family/friends say that this is exactly what he wants and he will get his cake and eat it too.....which will never give him any reason to return back to a normal marriage situation?

But I do not think they get the gist of this MLC stuff......

What is your take on their opinion?

[Trustandlove]

I guess it's down to how you define cake.  The case I mentioned had one firm boundary:  no one else.  Had that been crossed the arrangement would have stopped immediately. 

In that case there was no agreement to work towards being together again (the couple were older, children grown, etc.) at the beginning; it was sort of to see how it went.  They had no r talks, just enjoyed their visits, etc.  It wasn't clear until the last few months that he would be returning home. 

Definitely different, but it worked.   And the LBS in the meantime was quite content with it; turns out she liked it better than he did. 

In many ways he didn't have any reason to return other than wanting to, but the LBS in that case also had a choice. 

My take is that if it's the agreement then it works; letting go of expectations is the key.  She was fully aware that he could have decided not to continue at any time.  As he didn't want to lose her, he respected the boundary. 

[growing every day]

Ok I am really jealous of all you meeting! I want to see if we can plan a weekend get away for those of us in the midwest area I'm in Ohio... Who is in? I don't remember where everyone lives but it's spring and I feel aneed for a renewal revival ! 

[Still]

I'm in PA, but far from NYC/Philly.

[DCD]

sadly, i'm in neither of your areas 

but would like to put a call-out to anyone in the Toronto/GTA/Ottawa area who would like to meet up! 

[xyzcf]

I'll be in Toronto/Ottawa area the beginning of May as I plan on being with my daughter for Mother's Day...send me a PM as to where you live and if you'd like to meet as I haven't arranged my flight yet

[DCD]

XYZCF - i sent you a PM! 
 

[bandedalliecat]

I am going to be in Portland, OR dropping off S18 at the airport Saturday April 2nd.  Are there any folks who would be interested in getting together?  I will also be returning to Portland the following weekend, and could do something Friday night April 8th or anytime before 3pm on April 9th.

[subooru]

Hi Banded,

I live just outside of Portland, and am available on April 2.  Not available on April 8 (my bday).  Would like to get together. Should we PM to make plans?  Let me know.

Subooru