[Rebel Yell]

I think it's harder to detach from a CB but honestly, I'm grateful for the contact, it gives me more hope that she values me, just having a tough time inside herself. I wonder if the Great Walenda's need a new tight rope walker?

[StillStanding]

I wish mine was more of a clinging boomerang right now. It's hard not to know where there are and what they are up to. I guess it's for the best.

There are pros and cons to it. It can be harder to see them on a regular basis and know at the end of the day they're going to go back to their apartment/relative's house/OP's house.

And just because they check in, see how you're doing, express regret over what happened, etc., it doesn't mean that they're progressing any further through the tunnel.

[Love being on higher grounds]

I agree with SS!

pros and cons...

in my sitch it seems easier when he is not here everyday anymore...easier to love from a distance, and not be so wrapped up in their crap...find that the house is much more at peace...no tension

on the other hand I do appreciate the phone calls and/or texts, letting me know what is going on too..it helps to make me a little more confident on how I am handling things...HE calls me...

hugs,
L

[Shantilly Lace]

OhI have a clinging boomerang too, he no longer says I love you though for a while he did and then he would say 'you know I love you' which frustrated me.
With him back in the house, under these strange circumstances I have really detached.  really odd that it took him to come back for me to move back.

It is hard to have it shoved in your face but I spose if you ask H he would have said me refusing to contact was harder.  Personally it is hard either way.

[hyperglad]

Mine is a CB also    ... h has left and returned 5 times.... the longest he managed without contacting me was 4 days... but i wouldn't let him in the house for 3 weeks as one of my boundaries for him seeing ow again.

Just b4 Xmas he asked could he stay the night as it was bad snow and he didn't want to get stuck in his bedsit. That was 6 weeks ago and he is still here, he still pays the rent on the bedsit and he hasn't spoken about any plans.

I am having an op on 26th and i need him to look after me otherwise i know i wouldn't be able to contain myself from asking what is happening.....time I guess will tell, but at present I am trying to pave the way and stay  detached.

[UNHAPPYPUP]

My H is a clinging boomerang too...I think.  He is being very nice today - offering to take the kids to their practices, giving me time off, even getting interest back in his wood working hobby.  He is either peeking out or recovering or being nice to me because of his co-dependency/abandonment issues.

I understand the CB, but I am looking for advice as to how to best handle this situation?  Should I do anything differently then is suggested for dealing with MLC in general?

[UNHAPPYPUP]

Good Morning All:

My h is still being nice today, but more of a roommate than a spouse.  He got up and plowed the driveway and shoveled the deck out back so the dog could get out, while I was at the gym. He offered to do an errand I don't want to do but I declined so he could watch the game on t.v. that he wants to watch.

Now he's cleaning up the basement.  Not sure if he is cleaning up his shop area of the basement because he is getting more interested in his old hobbies, or if he is cleaning it up to get ready to sell the house. 
I think the latter but I'm afraid to ask though words unspoken are how we got here in the first place. Perhaps he is hedging his bets either way.

I know the rule is no relationship talk, but this limbo and roommate behavior isn't getting me anywhere either. Patience has never been my strong suit....it is like teaching a dog not to sniff. 

I remember reading that often when the LBS is ready to give up, that oftentimes things start to turn around...hoping that is true.

[watching and waiting]

I do have to agree.

I was thinking that trying to decide which group I should join.
I don't know what he is........
I have seen an on and offer, who vanishes for long periods (around 5 months) inbetween.
I have seen much the same thing LIW.

HUGS
x

[Dontgiveup]

"Just wanted to say that I now think that MLCers can change contact types."

Yes, they can.  Whichever contact type they are in, they tend to remain in for quite a bit of time.

From the Contact Types article
MLCers may move on the spectrum--though they remain relatively static most of the time. When they move, they usually stay in a contact type for long periods.

[Mermaid]

My H has been in MLC at least 3 years.

At first he  was definately low energy, and just sat in front of his computer getting lost in his own depressed thoughts.

As he started to express his feelings, he seemed to gain more energy, and his behaviour changed. He started to see OW, and wanted to live by himself (but was clinging at the same time, because he didn't want to go). He was full of contradictions and confusion.

He left (at my suggestion, because he said he wanted to go and I needed boundaries) several times. Each time he went, he made excuses to stay in touch, to come back.

Finally, he came back, and was more connected, but still had the idea that he needed to be by himself. He's still not out of MLC, still lost and confused, but now back to being low energy, but less depressed than before.