[ArmySpouse]

 I was wondering what it was that some MLCer become extremely involved into the children's life's when in the crises .?

 I have to say that my husband due to his military job has almost never been able to do anything with the children because he was gone a lot and if he was home he was never interested in the children's life in school or plays or anything like that ..

 Now all of a sudden he wants to go to parent teacher conference, wants to know when they have field trips or plain and simple if they have any afterschool activities he would like to see them ...
he wants to see the kids at least once a week and he asks for at least two weekends in a row or a month to have the children from Friday night to Sunday afternoon ..

 He has never showed interest in them before like this ..

 I was wondering why all of a sudden they would do that ..



 Mine claims it is because I am going back to my home country which she allows me to (with the kids) and so he says he wants to see the children as much as he can until we aren't leaving ..
Because then he cannot see them anymore like that ..but I don't buy that really ...( even if I would stay in United States I would move to a different state and because of his active duty position in the military for another six years he would not been able to see the kids more often anyways so the location of the children doesn't matter )

[OffRoad]

My theory, since mine has attempted to become super parent but is truly just wanting the kids to entertain him, is that they need to control things. They can still control the kids to a certain extent (much more so when they are younger). It is also an attempt to prove that their "unhappiness" really is just us, their spouse. It's all a false front.

My D19 is at college so out of harms way, but I have informed S16 that he does not have to submit to H's mini monstering (like when S doesn't want to go somewhere with H) and has a right to his own opinions and choices. S has matured by leaps and bounds since this has happened, actually, and I'm taking the good I get out of this as I can.

I also believe at some point they realize that their actions DO affect the kids, and they panic. They don't want to be seen as the "bad guy".

[ArmySpouse]

 That totally makes sense because now that we have signed the papers, that is nothing really he cant control about me but I'm pretty sure he will find something else ..

 I will kids are young 9 years, 7 years and 5 years old ..

 And he also was upset when we worked out the parenting plan that he thought my lawyer said something about him being a crappy father... which by the way was not the case -he just thought he read it in there and got all upset and teary-eyed and said "he might be a crappy husband but he's a good father" ( which that is debatable since he , one weekend when he had the kids called and faced timing the other woman in front of the children !!!which made me blow up and pretty much put the border up and saying our children will not get dragged into this black hole that he is in right now ..and my oldest son seeing also a picture of them kissing the OW during the same day and that's how my son recognized her on the FaceTime thing and confided in me..

Husband on the other hand : to this day he denies that pic exists, it's a "child perspective"

 .. So a good father in my opinion is something else ).. 


So he asked my lawyer then to put in there that he sees the kids to weekends out of the month just to make him feel better .. Again that is all perception as it was never written in like that .. But I guess he wanted to see it in there because that's the way he feels inside of him ..

[Searching4Answers]

I agree that it is a false front - mine has done just about the opposite of everything he used to do in the last few years. If he use to hate x now he loves x. If he use to like y now he hates y. It is really hard to keep up with

[Valentina]

Yes I totally agree. H was never involved in the kids lives at all until he moved out! He insists on seeing them every other weekend Friday night until Sunday eve and once in the week. This once in the week doesn't work for d who is 9 and busy with after school clubs but with S 11 at the moment does. H turns up unannounced sometimes to see the kids with any old excuse. He's been there to see s go off to his school prom and open top bus last day of primary school etc. I think as well it's a control thing and also a "look at me I'm such a great dad"! he's also feeling guilty. I've told him he didn't just leave me he left his kids and he's finding that hard to think that is what other people think. If he can be super dad then other people won't view him in a negative light! I also agree with I also agree with the entertainment theory. H loves to do certain things and the kids get dragged around sometimes it's more for the boys and then d gets left with me..lovely eh? x

[Snowdrop]

I believe they often do a 180 and become the opposite of who they were.  In our case H went from being interested in the kids to absolutely nothing.  He dumped them and has no contact.......been that way for the past few years, thinking he did nothing wrong