[handpuppets]

I have some some quick searches but haven't found anything that directly relates so if there are resources, please point me in the right direction.

My question is.. do you tell your MLCer that you are Standing? And if you do, how do you tell them (without freaking them the hell out)?

[nah]

I'm not sure if there's an article but I would say no way. It's about you getting strength not about them.  So what would be the reason to tell them? 

[Slow Fade]

I didn't necessarily say I was standing, but I did tell him that if he wanted a divorce he was going to have to do it on his own, that I didn't want one and he would have to do all of the work.

3 years later, that moment has stuck in his head when nothing much else has.

We are reconnecting, moving back in together in April of next year and our 17 year anniversary is this Saturday. Did my saying that influence him? I really have no idea whether ANY of what I said influenced him or not. You really have to go with your gut sometimes.......

[bipolared]

I was advised that you merely show them, by your actions.  If possible, be positive and distantly friendly.  They may advise you to move on and date but if pressed you can say that you are still married, you don't need to meet someone new to be happy, you are fine alone, etc.  Focus on yourself and become the best version of you.

[MeNow]

It usually does freak them out in the beginning.

Maybe later on when they've settled down and the time is right.

[handpuppets]

Thanks everyone, for the quick replies.

I think the gist of my question was how do you tell them that you are still open to working on the marriage, even post D. While I think I have been explicit telling xH that I'm open to us restoring our marriage in the future, I'm not sure if it bears repeating.

Need to sit on this a bit more and follow my intuition.

[sisyphus]

I told my W a week after BD that I would be willing to sit down and talk about reconciliation with her. The only problem, looking back on that conversation, was that she wasn't asking. She asked me if I would feel this way in a year. Then she got angry because I began to question the depth of knowledge she had for herself.

The conversation was a bad idea.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

My gut feeling is that he will see it as you pressuring him and he won't like it.

[Medusa]

My gut feeling is that he will see it as you pressuring him and he won't like it.

Agree. My first thought was, why do you feel the need to tell him? That not only puts pressure on him but makes you look weak.

We need to live our lives for ourselves as though they aren't coming back.

Take your hope and put it on a shelf. As Stayed says, get out of his way and let him spin.

[MeNow]

Thanks everyone, for the quick replies.

I think the gist of my question was how do you tell them that you are still open to working on the marriage, even post D. While I think I have been explicit telling xH that I'm open to us restoring our marriage in the future, I'm not sure if it bears repeating.

Need to sit on this a bit more and follow my intuition.

He knows. No need to keep repeating yourself.