Author Topic: My Story standing on my own two feet  (Read 15901 times)

Offline nah

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My Story Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #130 on: April 27, 2017, 12:38:50 PM »
Another example how MLC can take a very long time.

You're an amazing woman, B.

H-54
me-52
ow-30
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

Offline UnconditionalLove

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #131 on: April 27, 2017, 03:25:43 PM »
Good to hear from you Black! Glad to see you things are working together for you and your family.
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Offline blackiceTopic starter

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #132 on: April 27, 2017, 10:15:16 PM »
I've learned a lot of patience and that I can not control everything.

I've also learned what unconditional love is and how to forgive but not forget.  Its been a learning experience. One of the most painful ones but regardless the outcome I'm better in spite of it.

Still piecing my life together but he's willing to be part of it for now. I don't put any permanence on the current situation bc who knows what may happen. We both want to be together and work things out. Hopefully that happens.
Me 40
H 43
SD 22 D20 S14 S10
bomb drop  october 2013
secret trip with OW June 2014
moved out to live with OW July 2014
left state with ow to go to treatment Nov 2014
Ow gave birth to OC June 2015
h is on probation back here at home
H married ow dec 2015 while still being legally married to me
H returned home 4/17
EA turned PA
still says he loves me but he has to grow as a person

Online Savoir Faire

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #133 on: April 27, 2017, 10:26:57 PM »
I do hope you get what you've wished for Blackice.  When we join this forum, we are standers and many remain that way.  It would be tragic to be spooked by him at the very end of the crisis but it can be the most challenging time for us too.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline blackiceTopic starter

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #134 on: April 28, 2017, 02:42:06 PM »
Its very hard to not think he's going to walk out again. His head is definitely still spinning. However he is mostly angry about ow and at ow and how he fell for a lie. There's a lot of anger there.

There's also a lot of remorse. Its not the guilt like it was at the beginning when he first left. He's had time to process that and think about it. Its hard. Its going to be hard.
Me 40
H 43
SD 22 D20 S14 S10
bomb drop  october 2013
secret trip with OW June 2014
moved out to live with OW July 2014
left state with ow to go to treatment Nov 2014
Ow gave birth to OC June 2015
h is on probation back here at home
H married ow dec 2015 while still being legally married to me
H returned home 4/17
EA turned PA
still says he loves me but he has to grow as a person

Offline OldPilot

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #135 on: April 28, 2017, 03:05:55 PM »
Its very hard to not think he's going to walk out again. His head is definitely still spinning. However he is mostly angry about ow and at ow and how he fell for a lie. There's a lot of anger there.

There's also a lot of remorse. Its not the guilt like it was at the beginning when he first left. He's had time to process that and think about it. Its hard. Its going to be hard.
This is called OW withdrawal and depression.
It happens at the end of REPLAY and preceeds  depression,  withdrawal and Acceptance phase.
Don't bail him out or enable him.
The last thing you want to be is OW #2

Offline blackiceTopic starter

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #136 on: April 28, 2017, 03:17:30 PM »
Yeah i need to reread all that info again.

Ow broke no contact just now. H just put his fb on public a few hours ago. She started bombing him with texts about the oc. I said so why did you even bother answering her. You know this is bs. I'm not happy about it. He said don't worry i made it clear we are over and I'm gone. Yeah but shes also a psychopath narcissist who isnt done torturing him yet. I dont know.
Me 40
H 43
SD 22 D20 S14 S10
bomb drop  october 2013
secret trip with OW June 2014
moved out to live with OW July 2014
left state with ow to go to treatment Nov 2014
Ow gave birth to OC June 2015
h is on probation back here at home
H married ow dec 2015 while still being legally married to me
H returned home 4/17
EA turned PA
still says he loves me but he has to grow as a person

Online Savoir Faire

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #137 on: April 28, 2017, 04:26:12 PM »
Remember he doesn't know why he does things either, he still can't explain the affair so he still needs space to end things on his own.  This is a good time for firm boundaries and lots of listening but no judgement from you.

We are here to listen, don't fight with him or expect rational explanations from a broken man.

((((((((Hugs))))))))
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline blackiceTopic starter

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #138 on: April 28, 2017, 05:12:22 PM »
Im not fighting with him. He showed me the texts. I didnt ask to see them. He was very upfront. Its still just irritating. Ill get over it. I'm giving him his space to work it out. Its just a bunch of stress I wasn't prepared for. Plus I need rent cause my job cut my hours so bad this month I can't pay my rent. He paid his way back here. I'm just kind of wanting to throw up. I'll be ok.
Me 40
H 43
SD 22 D20 S14 S10
bomb drop  october 2013
secret trip with OW June 2014
moved out to live with OW July 2014
left state with ow to go to treatment Nov 2014
Ow gave birth to OC June 2015
h is on probation back here at home
H married ow dec 2015 while still being legally married to me
H returned home 4/17
EA turned PA
still says he loves me but he has to grow as a person

Online Savoir Faire

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #139 on: April 28, 2017, 08:57:13 PM »
If you are short on money could you try contacting the person looking after the property to arrange something? They won't toss you out on the street very lightly and contacting may give you some breathing space for a week or two.

The next few months are going to be tough but remember that it will be worth it after he's completed his crisis and acting like the old H you knew with a few improvements.

I'm sure it's worth it and hopefully this will be the last time you have to feel so bad and the future is bright.  How good this is going to be for the kids too :)
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

 

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