Author Topic: My Story standing on my own two feet  (Read 15893 times)

Offline FindingNemo

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My Story Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #20 on: January 24, 2016, 09:39:31 PM »
I am here thinking of you, too.  Hoping you and the kids are okay. 

Offline blackiceTopic starter

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #21 on: January 30, 2016, 02:08:30 AM »
I know its been a while.

Just checking in to say everything is as ok as its going to be i guess.

As far as commonlaw goes, in my state its legal. He should have divorced me when i asked him to when he first moved out. Here itvhas to be a legal divorce then 6 months after the divorce is legal before he can remarry. So there's that. We are not divorced and still legally married ao any marriage to the ow is illegal and has no legs. Hes clinging onto thst because he's still here and not with her. Its been a bit crazy  as far as that is concerned.

Aa for me just trying to keep my head above water. My one job screwed me over pretty good so i had to get another job. Previous job owes me like $800 but wont pay me. So i reported them to the better business bureau, doubt that does anything though. My car broke down permanently so i had to get another one with some help from my mom. I just found out that my mortgage company has been stalling me on purpose on the hardship front and there is a class action suit against them over it so i may lose my house anyway. So two steps forward three steps back. Life keeps kicking me in the teeth but i keep trying. Feel like im going to drown eventually.

If i have time ill post more of the crazy but its not much different. H has just gotten more solid in certain things. Hes realized his relationship with ow is abusive. He ran away from her a week ago. It was insane. But me and the kids are fine. Just wanted to let you know.
Me 40
H 43
SD 22 D20 S14 S10
bomb drop  october 2013
secret trip with OW June 2014
moved out to live with OW July 2014
left state with ow to go to treatment Nov 2014
Ow gave birth to OC June 2015
h is on probation back here at home
H married ow dec 2015 while still being legally married to me
H returned home 4/17
EA turned PA
still says he loves me but he has to grow as a person

Offline Hmmm

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #22 on: January 30, 2016, 02:30:59 AM »
Gosh, the finances sound really stressful-hope he's contributing somehow.

It's taken a long time for him to realise it was abusive. How long before they provide him with another flight to 'see the baby' though? I'm in awe of how you manage his cycling.

Hope you and the kids get to have some fun this weekend

Lovely to hear from you by the way xx

Offline serenity

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #23 on: January 30, 2016, 02:47:46 AM »
Sorry to hear that life continues to be so hard on you. It's unbelievable the amount of crap we have thrown our way.

It does go to prove how very strong you are but I do hope things turnaround for you very soon

X

Offline Chookie

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #24 on: January 30, 2016, 03:52:58 AM »
Hi BI, I've always admired your strength and patience with your H, but he surely has to get it soon that it's just another version of crazy, day after day.

Great to hear from you and I'm glad to know that you and the kids are doing ok, although your finances could do with a boost.  :-\

Take care!
BD 29 Nov '13
Left home 8 June '14
Does not live with OW

Offline Thunder

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #25 on: January 30, 2016, 04:38:14 AM »
BI,

Thanks for posting.  I've checked every day to see if there were any updated from you.

I'm glad you and the kids are doing good.  I'm sorry about all the financial stress.  I went through a period a few years ago where I didn't know where to turn, but now things have evened out.

I hope your new job helps and you can regain a little footing.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline blackiceTopic starter

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #26 on: January 31, 2016, 08:51:33 AM »
H kinda fell off the sober train a few days ago. It wasnt bad but i saw it coming. At least he only had a few drinks. When he went back out there it didnt even last a week. Within 24 hours they were already at each othet again. It got worse as the days went on. Last day he was there they had a huge fight she told him she didnt want him in her life and all kinds of things, called him names, said some really horrible stuff and so he packed up and walked to the airport, bought a ticket with her money and came back here. She was livid, not about the fact he left but that he used her money. Which since a joint account is also his money but she doesn't see it that way. Tried to call the police on him and report his cars stolen but the bank told her um its his money too so you have no right to report anything. Shes since closed the account. Then when he landed here is when my car decided to break down on the freeway to go get him. So he had to walk all the way home. Did i mention this was all on the night of the full moon? Full moon hilarity for all.

So he's here now. For now. Who knows. D18 said some things to him on the phone while he was out there that also gave him the strength to walk out on ow. D18 is like the only person he listens to right now concerning things. He holds what she says in very high regard. Shes also a psych major so that gives her extra credit.

Some guy tried to hit on me while h was having his drinks, i thought h was going to kill him. He still wont stop talking about it. Kinda glad it happened cause hes thinking. But theres good progress with him as it may be. Hes slowly detaching from the abusive cycle hes been stuck in and standing up for himself and its not pretty to watch cause shes gone completely insane cause of it. Threatened to kill herself several times already. Tried to say she was going to put herself in the mental ward. All kinds of insane threats. He isnt falling for them anymore. So we will see how it goes. I just want him safe.
Me 40
H 43
SD 22 D20 S14 S10
bomb drop  october 2013
secret trip with OW June 2014
moved out to live with OW July 2014
left state with ow to go to treatment Nov 2014
Ow gave birth to OC June 2015
h is on probation back here at home
H married ow dec 2015 while still being legally married to me
H returned home 4/17
EA turned PA
still says he loves me but he has to grow as a person

Offline MIMIx

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #27 on: January 31, 2016, 09:07:34 AM »
WHAT kind of crazy, messed up stuff has he been smoking? WOW!

Glad to hear that you are so grounded and taking good care of you and your family.
Keep on going strong!

Offline blackiceTopic starter

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #28 on: January 31, 2016, 03:34:25 PM »
Im so grounded nothing fazes me any more at all. You know while he was gone he tried to block me on his phone and it lasted like a whole ten minutes. That was funny. I wasnt even talking to him and he got mad.
Me 40
H 43
SD 22 D20 S14 S10
bomb drop  october 2013
secret trip with OW June 2014
moved out to live with OW July 2014
left state with ow to go to treatment Nov 2014
Ow gave birth to OC June 2015
h is on probation back here at home
H married ow dec 2015 while still being legally married to me
H returned home 4/17
EA turned PA
still says he loves me but he has to grow as a person

Offline Thunder

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Re: standing on my own two feet
« Reply #29 on: January 31, 2016, 04:12:01 PM »
BI, I'm sorry about his drinking again but surprised it took him that long.

As long as you don't enable him he has to figure it out for himself.
I had to do that with my X (alcoholic) before we were married.  He got trashed and called me for a ride home at 2 in the morning and had no idea where he was..
Nope sorry I have to work tomorrow.  Hope you find a ride home.  CLICK!

That was 29 years ago and he hasn't had a drink since.

It appears your H still has a drama addiction with her.
Let him figure it out with no help from you.
They're both nuts.

You do sound good, just protect your heart.  How are your kids dealing with all this?

I LOVE that he used HER money to come back.  ha ha  Had me laughing, even though it isn't funny. 
He still has such a long ways to go.
YOU stay off their crazy rollercoaster.  It's not a fun ride.  ::)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

 

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