[Seeing The Light]

One thing we should all learn is just how strong we are. Life keeps kicking and we keep rising!

Agreed!!!! 

[Snowdrop]

I am now more of the person I used to be before meeting H.  Over time his anger and constant fighting dragged me down but was so subtle...always my fault of course

I see him leaving as a gift now.  I didn't at first and would have done anything to have him home.  He is a vanisher and gone completely from our lives.  We have struggles but overall we are in a happier place.  I now work and am the sole income earner which can be stressful but love my independence which was always there but emerged once again once he was gone.

I used to think we needed him to make our family whole and complete.  Now I realize that him being here kept us broken.  We are happy with our little lives, as simple as they are, but most of all we have peace.....for now.  Priceless!

[Shocked]

This is good to think about!!! I'm skinnier from the Alana's diet!!! I am slower to react. My focus on what is important has definitely changed!!!

[catinthehat]

GAL for me because I matter
learning to just listen,
learning to love - really love - the people around me as they deserve
getting "it" a bit - life is not a race to perfection,
just letting things "be"
looking at the world around me, instead of moving through
trying to be less needy (hard, and some of my friends would probably say I have a long way to go here lol)
forgiveness - for myself, for him
not being so self centred - there are others who have it worse.
oh yes - and the weight loss - woohoo for that one!

[Finding Hope]

I see that you're making all good changes. I believe this is why we we're touched by MLC. Truth is, there's always changes we can make to make us better people.

GOOD JOB
FH

[Onward]

This is a good thought-provoking thread. These are the some of the changes I think are still a work in progress:

* Learning to respond, not react, is probably the biggest for me
* Reducing the demands on my time and energy, leading to less stress
* Learning to be the one to reach out to nurture friendships
* Learning I don't need to be the first to give my opinion; and don't need to give me opinion at all (OK, still really working on this  )
* Growing my spiritual life
* Practicing 'benefit of the doubt / "assume neutral" (thanks RT!)
* Learning to peel away what is really bothering/triggering me
* And the weight loss and exercise was pretty good, too

[Mermaid]

I've been around a long time. Long enough to think my changes had been made during H's crazier moments (you know the score; detach, GAL, mirror, etc.)

We've often heard that we don't cause their MLC, it's not our fault. A long time ago, and what I've quoted so often, is that we are part of a situation, and by changing our own reactions (the only ones we are responsible for), we change the situation.

Obviously I didn't cause my H's narcissistic behaviour. But perhaps I made it worse, by being too nurturing (an echo to his demands) and then too furious (which is narcissistic and causes a more narcissistic response by my H).

There is a better way; healthy narcissism, which means we believe we can succeed, deserve respect, etc. and don't get furious OR too helpful. I'm still learning not to get mad, and not to try to win arguments, and not to bend over backwards doing everything for him.

[Finding Hope]

Nice to see you again Mermaid. 

[Mermaid]

Nice to see you again Mermaid. 

You too, FH!!!   

[Finding Hope]

Never did figure out that quote thingy