[Medusa]

The stand-out things that made me know it's MLC.

1. He told me, once, "don't you understand, this is all about my dad?" (His dad died when he was 13).

2. Conversations with him after he moved out where he behaved like a petulant child and said, "you promised!" like a whiny teenager.

3. His now-infamous statement when he was attempting to justify his affair: "You should sleep with other men, as long as their Pen!$ is smaller than mine". 

I learned to step back and look at his behavior from a big picture perspective. MLC is the only thing that fits.

[lawprofessor]

In my case, his sister told me he was having a crisis.

Clues for me:

1.  Quite quickly he became the opposite of the man I knew-tightwad to spendthrift, honest to liar, workaholic to being fired, good memory to bad memory, nerdy to "cool", poking fun at facebook to spending hours a day on his page.

2.  Suddenly his friends were all early 20's

3.  Reconnected with friends from grammer school.

4.  Women from overseas that he had never met messaging him with odd stories about his life.

5.  Suddenly he began posting stories from my father's life as his own.

6.  Constantly had a confused look on his face. 

7.  Raging anger that lasted for a few minutes in the beginning.  The Christmas before he raged that I was trying to kill him because at a stop light I applied some chapstick. 

8.  "I haven't changed.  I am just no longer taking $h!t from anyone." 

9.  Began spending lots of time with his crazy mother, worrying that she would die. 

10.  Watching cartoons and episodes of old shows like the 1960's Batman on television.  No longer interested in documentaries, history, sports, etc.

11.---The BIGGIE---suddenly this man knew all about Hello Kitty---its the OW's icon and she carries a backpack with Hello Kitty figures on it.  Where is that icon of the little green guy throwing up?

[Anjae]

OceanMist, we already have a thread on the matter, so I have merged yours into it.

After I come back home, my friend who is a psychiatrist told me Mr J was having a MLC. Before that, I knew something very wrong was going, but not really what it was.

Mr J did pretty much what all MLCer do.

- Become the opposite of what we has
- Blame me for everything under the sun
- Become erratic and having rapid mood swings
- Lots of anger. Short snaps, first, then long periods of anger
- Bought lost of new clothes
- Very worried with his appearance
- Start djing and clubbing.
- Start drinking
- Hanging around with people he would not spend 1 second before crisis.

He also had an affair, that he denied for months before he leave, and for some 10 days after he left. Then, OW1 was made known to be by an anonymous phone call, and he could no longer deny it.

[Velika]

I just read the earlier posts and was reminded of some other notable changes that others have also pointed out:

• No apparent sense of shame.
• More verbose writing style. (Often sounds like a college freshman having a "deep talk.")
• Lack of sense of irony.
• Changed sense of humor. Sends son slapstick YouTube videos. Never laughs around me.
• Repetitive communication, especially certain keywords like "denial." Repeatedly hones in on same points, even if apparently resolved months ago.
• Often seems to lack awareness of our son's true age. Often treats him as older.
• Sometimes appears to be unable to differentiate between son and self at son's age.
• More concern over perceptions than reality. (E.g. wants to appear moral without being moral.)
• Negative memories of formerly described happy events.
• Often seems to avoid spending time alone with son.
• Takes Viagra. (Didn't before.) Not sure whether due to desire to be perceived as sexy or hormonal imbalance/sexual disfunction with OW.
• ntense need for my approval and "acceptance" (another buzz word)."
  
  

I find the overlap on many of these comments fascinating. I would love to see this more widely acknowledged and researched, both to help prevent/cure and also to offer legal protection for LBS.

[speed racer]

Hi Everyone,

I don't know if I really understand what is actually classified as a MLC.
I have read a lot of post and treads where someone will write
"I don't think this is MLC."

Please help me clarify what classifies a person as having a MLC.

Thanks,
Speed

[heroIam]

SR.
I'm so glad you posed this question.   

[Ready2Transform]

RCR's description is here: http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/mlc.html

[Velika]

Speed Racer, look at the neurology discussion thread. There are some people on this forum who have taken a lot of time to look at this from a neurological standpoint.

Specifically, what might happen to the brain to cause someone to suddenly a) not have good memories of the recent past; b) lose ability to feel empathy/have appropriate conscience about behavior; c) lose ability to judge cause and effect; d) (related to c) not understand difference between fantasy and reality.

I posted to my thread two TedEd talks about what happens to the brain during depression and stress. If you take that combines with what happens to brain during an affair you can see what might take place that results in the behaviors described so consistently and specifically on this forum.

I would say that if the descriptions you read in the articles and other MLC resources start to become "predictions," you are likely dealing with what we are all calling "MLC." However, many of these behaviors also match NPD, BPD, bipolar, schizophrenia, frontotemporal lobe disorders, PTSD, drug reactions, and more.

To me this is the most succinct description of MLC I have read anywhere:
http://whatismidlifecrisis.blogspot.com/2013/07/signs-of-depression-in-mlc.html?m=1

This article is written about men but you may relate as well:
http://www.menshealthscreening.co.uk/archives/207

[Roma]

I would stay away from the neurological thread or any other thread like that for now and stick to the basics. Those are filled with other people's opinions and really won't help you progress.

MLC is LIKE a mental illness that can last 3 - 7 years and has nothing to do with the LBS. It's best to keep your focus on yourself and your children to make self improvements and do things you always wanted to do just never got around to. 

Self Focus is key to leave them on their journey.

[speed racer]

Elegance:

But what is it - MLC?  What constitutes someone having one?
People say it isn't about the LBS,
But it has to be - No one else is subjected to the harsh criticisms and self confidence bashing.

I do focus on myself and children, but somehow everything is tainted - even our friends and family feel this way.
What is this journey?  What about this puts the LBS as an enemy that they have to get rid of?
Why don't they realize the spouse is the person that would help them in any way - as they did previously throughout
the marriage?

I read R2T link to RCR's description, and my wife fits everyone but 1 (that I know of) key components.
Does this mean she probably is in a MLC?

One of the components is abandonment.  I'm the only person she has abandoned.
We have 50/50 custody.  So she really hasn't abandoned anyone but me...
What the abandonment mean in the "Key components?

I'd don't know if my wife is a MLC'r / depress confused /  or if she has just met someone and succumbed to "whatever."

I don't know, I just love my wife so much and still can't imagine life without her. -

Thanks again,
Speed