[Velika]

Since it is inevitable that I will eventually have to at least briefly meet OW, I am wondering how to handle.

I am looking for tips on how to interact with her in a way that shows grace, high boundaries, distance, dignity, and disinterest. I really don't want to give her anything.

Has anyone seen this handled well?

[Thunder]

Velika,

My H, fortunately, didn't have an ow, but my first H had a few.   

I think just a simple nod or hello is all that is needed.
When he introduced us we both just said, hi.  No hand shaking or anything, then we just went about our business.  No hit chat was required.

If I said anything it was directed at my X, not her.  I wasn't rude, that's not me, but I was not giving her any head space or importance.  It was like meeting a stranger.  Just be polite.   

[barbiedoll]

This is a great question . Thanks for posting this . For me there has been significant time that has passed, so how I would have reacted the 1st year compared to now is very different. I think, in a perfect scenario , Thunder is correct , mature and in control. For me, the cow works within blocks of my home so I have often imagined what I would do if I came face to face with her . The 1st year I actually walked ( raged) to her shop but neither time was she there . Man, I thank God daily for running interference . I would have deeply regretted that. I found myself behind her in the grocery store 2 weeks ago. I saw her , she did not see me . Simply , I walked away and shopped until she was gone. I will avoid if I have that opportunity . I have known cow for over 40 years , so it is difficult yet to feel confident about my reaction. But Thunder's comment is what I aspire to I think. If she was dumb enough ( and she is ) to say anything past "hi", I hope I would just turn, dismiss her and carry on . There is no issue running into her within the family as she is not permitted to attend if any of my girls are there .

[Thunder]

I just had a funny thought.

Maybe I should have welcomed ow with arms wide open!  Hi, it's so great to meet you...and btw thank you!  LOL

He went on to other women after her so I had no bad feelings towards her.  She got dumped too.
But believe me it was a blessing for us.  He womanized until he was 70 years old and passed away with yet another ow living with him.

[Adia]

Well, this may tell you what not to do....but this was the early days for me, when my h was playing both sides of the fence. I had two encounters with ow, the first was when I and my youngest found out that she worked in the same department store as my son. Different areas but wow...unbelievable and devastating. I showed up to the salon one morning and requested an appointment with her 😁....anyhow she recognized me as she'd been stalking my life for years at that point, and I saw this thing creeping to the back of the salon to hide, where she frantically called my h. I was really calm and polite to the poor receptionist and just told her to let ow know that husband's (name) wife had stopped by. Months later I had this misfortune to walk into a burger joint and there they were, she looked me right in the face with a very smug look (same person that hid from me months before) so I stopped and looked at both of them, stuck out my hand to her and said "hi, I'm the wife, so you must be the wh$&e". She started to reach out her hand to shake mine and then I guess it sunk in what was happening. My h sat there with a deer in the headlights look and she started telling me how he was done with me and with her now, I just smiled and said what a prize as he's been cheating on you too, with me. I could tell she was shocked but then she says- "oh, I knew he was with you, you're the wife". ( wow!) ya think?
It was so obvious to me that in the battle of wits, she had none. I was calm throughout and this was a short exchange and I gracefully walked away. As I got to the car,  the trembling started and I threw up as soon as I got away from the area.
That's it....I had never engaged in any other exchanges with her and she has done all sorts of cyber stalking and FB rages against me, but I have ignored everything.

Adia

[Thunder]

Adia, sounds exactly like something I would/and have done.

My 1st H was a cheater and I twice had encounters with ow's.
Once I saw his car in back of a small bar, I walked in, they were in a booth (on the same side)
so I slid n the other side (H had those deer in the headlights look) and said to Ow..so are you who my H is going to live with after I throw him out?  Just as calm and as nice as I could.

She started stammering...no, no...we are just friends, blah, blah..
I said no you don't sit on the same side of the both, with a married man, if you're just friends.
He went quiet, she finally got up and left.  I walked out saying to H hope you can find another place to stay. Guess she's not ok with it. 

There was another time but very similar.

It felt good to stay so calm, of course I was pretty young...maybe today I would just not do anything.  Not sure though.   (evil grin)

[Slow Fade]

Fortunately I never had to face this scenario, however just to lighten up the mood a bit I've been watching Sons on Anarchy and I absolutely loved the part where Gemma picked up a skateboard and clocked the little hussy who slept with her husband!

Only in my dreams......sigh.  :

[Thunder]

OH yeah!  Gemma was my hero.   

[Roma]

Personally I wouldn't meet her. Not my business to. I wouldn't give her the time of day.

[KeepItTogether]

OMG Thunder--I love it. That is straight out of a movie. Impressive.