[Anjae]

One more that agrees that MLC in itself is a total breakdown.

Alcohol, drugs, affair, other MLC activies are just covers and, like Ready2 sais, add an extra level of instability and uncertainty to the situation.

[Never say never]

My husband is also right on the brink of a nervous breakdown.  I mean, seriously, who gets in their truck, steps on the accelerator and drives right through their house?? 

I am constantly waiting for a phone call with bad news.  It is so scary.  This morning, H said to me:  "I don't feel good today.  I feel like something bad is going to happen.  I don't know what.  I just feel it."

Okay.  Thanks, honey.  Have a good day, too.

[beyondblessed]

I just have a hard time understanding how they function on a daily basis, if their mind is truly such a mess??   How can the people around them at work, in public, etc not be aware something so drastic is happening?  No one is that good of an actor.  No mask is big enough to cover such a gaping hole.

[MoreWillBeRevealed]

Beyond, that's what I don't get. H is a totally different persona at work, with OW, and to our recovery friends. Can't they see what I see? It's crazy! Sometimes I think the general population is as crazy as the MLCer because they don't seem to notice.

As far as my son...I have consulted with my attorney and unfortunately there isn't an event other than the significant weight loss that can stop me from H seeing him. She said if he keeps losing weight or does anything stupid we can petition the court. Unreal. I'd be in big trouble (cops would be called) if I didn't let him see him. The good news is that I think S5 offers H some sort of sanity and stability through all this for the brief time they see each other. Plus, much of the time, H dumps S5 off with his sister or daughter.

[hawk]

On the breakdown thing , l think it's highly highly possible for some.
l know my ex was going through so much and she'd been at a lower point than ever before in her life.
l actually felt she was having a kind of breakdown for sure.

[Roma]

I want to backtrack a bit. I don't feel they have complete mental breakdowns because 1) not all MLCers are alike 2) Some MLCers have a 9-5 jobs and acts totally normal.

 If it were complete breakdown, they wouldn't be able to switch it on and off and everyone of them would be in the same state of massive confusion and unable to care for themselves alone.

[MoreWillBeRevealed]

Yeah, he darn switcharoo is what is crazy. But, I do believe in my H's case he is dealing with immense guilt, shame, and denial. That alone will make anyone a bit crazy. Working so hard to present a facade is exhausting so no wonder he looks so old and weathered.

[1trouble]

IMO there are different degrees of mental breakdown, as others have said....

I think the OP (forgive me if I am wrong) was talking about a complete breakdown where they become suicidal and a danger to themselves.....

The private investigator I contacted to find out who my H's OW was, (long story but it was to protect myself) told me he himself had a MLC and during it had been sectioned twice, the second time he was put on SSRI's which helped him back to normality and which he still takes to this day (they dont work for everyone BTW).

BUT from personal experience I know there are different types of breakdown and some can mean you can function to the outside world but inside you are a zombie going through the motions, its only in hindsight you realise you have spent a few years not thinking or feeling which is possibly how MLC feels...

From my research into MLC I have seen it described as many things, some examples are as having an out of body experience, being possessed, having two people in their heads, not being themselves, not in control, feeling as if they are in a movie/dream....I guess its describing a similar experience in a slightly different way...

I do believe, as I have said before that as they start to come out of this many fear for their own sanity....wouldn't you, if you had done such crazy things.........things that go against your moral code, things so out of character??? it must be terifying

[MoreWillBeRevealed]

1trouble, you described it perfectly. I predict my H will be full of regret a year or two from now. H will have to deal with not only guilt and shame for how he behaved, but the regret and realization he destroyed his wonderful happy life. I have a strong intuition that has been right on point and that is what I foresee for him in the future. I represented stability, serenity, a "home", true partnership, fidelity, real Love not Luv, and sanity. OW represents none of those things and neither does he right now. It's gotta be awful for him and WILL be awful when he "snaps out" of this.

[nah]

IMO there are different degrees of mental breakdown, as others have said....

I think the OP (forgive me if I am wrong) was talking about a complete breakdown where they become suicidal and a danger to themselves.....

Two years before BD, our good friend (who was in our wedding) hung himself in the woods near his house.  He was 46, left his wife and son years before, had nothing to his name.  Such a shame, I'll never forget his laugh.  He also happened to be my first real kiss when I was a teenager. 

The week my husband left me one of his high school friends committed suicide.  Shot himself in the head, he had just lost his job.  He was married, had a son, and a twin brother who was shocked.  Why didn't he talk to anyone?

Needless to say, when days after BD all my husband asked for was his guns (a new MLC hobby he had received his license and bought the guns the year before BD), I was not only dealing with the shock of BD but the very real fear that this new alien that use to be my husband was going to kill himself.  His eyes were wild and crazy, like nothing I had ever seen before (we even discussed possession on one thread, I still think its possible). 

So I called his good friend who he still saw twice a week b/c they were in a (MLC) band together.  They were good friends for over 25+ years.  His friend called me back about ten minutes later and said, "Don't worry Nah, I just talked to him, he's fine".   

How did this conversation go? 

Friend, "Hey dude, Nah thinks you are depressed and might hurt yourself, are you ok?"

MLCer, "She's crazy, I'm OK"

Friend, "Cool, see you Friday"

Most men just don't talk about this things.  Maybe that's why it's mostly men that seem to go through this nonsense, they just bottle it up and float through life. 

So for those of you who are early into this and seem to think that their MLCers are fooling everybody else, well for awhile maybe.  Anyone can wear a mask for a short time.

So this friend,... long story short (trying, so much has happened over the years)...

Husband is a very talented singer and our friend plays bass.  I was heartbroken due to BD AND I could no longer see the "band friends".  I was now the outsider.  I would go to the bass players company (he owned it) and I started dating one of his employees.  Anyways, in the early days I would cry all over him and dig for information (yes, we all do it in the beginning).  He would shut me down with "I don't knows" or "sometimes men fantasize about younger women, it happens".... again more salt in my wounds. 

I stopped asking.  I thought, maybe it was me, maybe husband fell out of love and I was the crazy one.

THEN>>>>

One day (maybe 1 1/2 year after BD) the bass player grabbed me and pulled me into his office.

He broke down...

"Nah, I can't take it anymore, there is something wrong with him"

He went on and on about the Leavers misplaced anger, drama, not the person he knew all these years.  The bass player at first thought it was the pain of divorce but realized once I was really out of the picture, the leaver got worse and worse and started pointing his finger at our friend.  Our friend said, "I feel like he hates me and I don't know why"

Sound familiar?

So since this episode, he was kicked out of the band.
He also was fired from his job and whole 25+ year career because of rumors through the grapevine that he is "not himself".
He joined another band with new people who didn't know him (or me),... lasted about a year.  They just posted on their page, "A new and improved lineup".  If they left on good terms they would have wished him luck, they didn't.

Now he joined ANOTHER band.  Old friends from grade school, (another long story but), this couple was here for me at BD, we were their best man and maid of honor at their wedding 25 years ago.  Our daughter was their flower girl.  They recently turned their backs on me and rekindled their friendship with him.  For almost 4 years I have vented to them about his craziness.  They can pretend but they know the real truth.  What they don't know is he is just not the person they think he is.... they will find out.

In the past I would have been on my knees broken hearted that more backs have been turned and he seems to waltz in,.... now I just smile to myself and think, "oh boy, this is going to be good."    There will be a honeymoon period, bc, like I said, anyone can wear a mask for a short time.  Then, he starts to point his chubby little finger at everyone else.

I'll just sit back and wait for the, "Nah you were right".   

I know.