[memyselfandi]

I've seen lots of comments regarding the 18 month mark but no real definitions on it's what is significant about it. Thought starting a dicussion on it may shed some light. Not really sure that we can come up with any substantial answers but just wanted to know what others have read/heard about it.

[Dontgiveup]

There is a key contributor on another board that has said the worst parts of his MLC lasted about 18 months.....basically saying he spent roughly 18 months in Replay.  I think RCR has indicated that her research shows Replay at up to 2 years or more.....and of course this is definitely not a one size fits all....just generalizations and averages based on what we do know about MLC.

I guess it falls under the whole MLC takes time thing.

[Storm Rider]

I am someone who has talked about the 18 month mark, reading other sitches it seemed some people observed a change in behavior around that time, including those who got back with their spouses. That is, some, not all of course.

I noticed a change at this time (I am now 2 years post BD). H spent 18 months partying hard, that started to wind down about that time significantly. It was as if he had burnt out the energy he needed to burn out. He started to focus on his financial responsibilities for the first time and actively try to solve them about 18 months. His financial situation had caught up with him, and he needed to, but previously he had just ignored it. He also started to compliment me for the first time since BD, "the house is always clean, great outfit" etc. It was as if he took another look and was surprised to find I was not all bad as that had been him image of me for the last long long time. About 18 months was the furtherest H went from me emotionally, in that he seemed to be running prior to that, and stopped running so hard around that time. Replay continued, as did OW, it seemed to mark the end of the hard, active replay in a gradual transition. Those activities were not working anymore.

Focus also came back on his kids around the 18 month mark. Instead of just baby sitting them and having fun with them, he became more interested in parenting again. He started to recognise they had changes in their life too, and was prepared to work with me on issues such as anxiety in on of my kids etc. Previously, they were fine, nothing had affected them etc.

Two years on, H continues to try to pull his life together. He is still pushing for a divorce, which will be on the cards soon. He has not had any thoughts to getting back with me, I am in the friendly ex category. He is still in replay with the OW still present and that getting more serious, although they did seem to brake up for a short period a couple of months ago. I see H now starting to work on his big issues one at a time, his financial situation, on the right path now, his work situation, he has gone from trashing his reputation to getting positive feedback again. He still has other, deeper issues he has not addressed, and I do not believe he has taken ownership of what he has done, although he sees it from time to time.

So I did see change, movement through the tunnel, but the length of the tunnel and what will be on the other side of the tunnel remains unclear. This is an example of the two stages of replay some talk about, the hard first part, then the lower level, but still replay and avoidance of deep issues that is the second part. The length of this stage depends on the issues that need resolving, and the ability to do so.

[kie]

In my case my MLC'er was running for the first 18 months, then was living like a hermit for approximately 6 months and then he started running again in the form of clubbing with friends, leaving his girlfriend with the kids and take up traveling again. I think that's him not being able to look within himself, feeling the depression coming and he's start running again, avoiding his issues. I am now at the 2,5 year mark and I see no change what so ever.

[limitless]

Knowing what I know NOW (my H had a EA or maybe PA?) with his ex-wife. It started some time in early 2009.  He took a trip to see her in August 2009 (she lives in another state).  By, March 2010, he emailed her, telling her that he was divorcing me for her.  BD in May.  He moved out in August.  I think she dumped him sometime in September/October.  I guess my H has more energy than I thought!  (That's a little joke - as I had thought he was a low energy MLCer).
So.  Where does that put him?  I would think he has been in replay for 18 months to 2 years.
He appears to be involved with OW#2 (high school girlfriend) - but this does not appear to be giving him the "high" that ex-wife had.  He makes comments like "I have nothing left but my job", "I was delusional when I wrote those emails" etc.  But, I can't really believe anything he says.
What do I see?  I see that he had gained weight (in BD is was in better shape), his world is crumbling - as his lies have come out.  But, is he ready to face what he has done?  Is he ready to take responsibility?  No, I see more running.  He admits that he hides and hides some more.

I don't think we can every really see the timeline in the moment - we really can't see it until we are looking back.  I know that there is a long road ahead.

I guess my H will show what he is made of, show if he has the courage and strength to fix himself.  Nothing that I can do about it.  I know that.

L

[growing every day]

I guess my H will show what he is made of, show if he has the courage and strength to fix himself.  Nothing that I can do about it.  I know that

L,

You and I think too much alike! I feel this way as well.

[Butterfly]

Laurescan

I think the timing is from BD. So I think your 18 month mark will be Nov.
Mine will be Sept. If I'm wrong hopefully someone will chime in.
It will be interesting to see what happens in that time.

Butterfly

[Storm Rider]

My understanding is that timing is from BD. I also saw much replay activity at least 12 months before BD, it was like they try out that path, decide it is for them, and the BD is the decision to go down that path formally.

So 18 months is from BD, which seems to tie in with replay in general lasting a minimum of two years from BD.

[Glimmer]

I have just passed the 18month mark. BD was Oct 09 and he left home Nov 09.

I don't know how significant this point in time is.  In my sitch, emotionally this is the furthest I have been from my H since the start of his MLC.  We have absolutely nothing to say to each other. Most of the time I am NC/dark so try to stay out of his way as much as I can when he visits the kids. I do not contact him at all about anything and feel we have drifted so far apart I wonder whether we would ever be able to find each other again.

He has always been a clinging boomerang with regular touch and goes.  They seem to have stopped. Whether temporarily or permanently I have no way of knowing.  Maybe he has decided his future lies with OW I don't know.  Occasionally he does text me, usually over something totally random, like a song he has heard on the radio and it brings back memories of when we were still together, or like a text I received a couple of days ago, about a TV programme we used to like and how he misses watching it.

I still have no inclination as to whether there is any movement for him in the tunnel as he is still deep in replay, spending most of his free time with OW and his new friends.

This could take forever.

[OldPilot]

Interesting stuff, just after 18 months for me marked BD #2, not sure that their is really any significance in the 18 months since I believe each case is different. 
But lets continue to get different inputs from the people on the board and see if anything comes up.