This is one fab thread! I do enoy it a lot!
Where do I start?
First I must say, I might not write so much these days (but I do read, almost everything) "MY" mlc'r/depressed XH is a black belt vanisher
haven't seen/spoke to him since okt. 14 when oldest son and I tried to start dividing assets but he did ordered a credit card for me in sept -15 (thanks XH but we are divorced) he also wanted to take my car to the dumpster sep -16 (He wanted to do that but he could not send me the paperwork for the vehicle inspection on my car in jan -15 so that I could still be driving MY car?
?) Oh and he tried using my youngest son, age 26, as abuse by proxy back in november -16 when I started the process with my laywer. I think about all of this as he wants a reaction from me as in call him, not going to happen XH, I'm dealing with teenagers in school all day long, I know how your kind operate!
So nothing to report from this "bad-@ss-bat-sh*t-crazy-mlc'r" He is probably drinking heavily, having the time of his life with OW, who knows.
I must tell you something else that happened yesterday with my grad students. One boy said; first time I stepped into your classroom, Passi, I saw you with leather boots and leather jackets and thought to myself; -"Thats a bad-@ass teacher!". That made my day, that 16 year olds thinks that a 50 year old woman is still rocking. Put a smile on my face all day
LP; Thanks for your input!
"Mommy why are you letting this happen!?!! I hate you and I love you. Why don't you love us? Why don't you help us?"
1. As an abused child myself, these questions has not entered my mind until now when I'm trying to heal from xh heavy abuse the last years before I kicked him out. You are probably right, LP, that we as children buried these questions cause as a child you are not able to get any answers to this. I know I haven't buried the abuse it self, maybe more the "feeling of helpness" that I felt, if that make any sence.
2. This; I love you and I hate you....this to me is "trauma bonding/Stockholm syndrome". So my 0.02 cents on this must be that child abuse is the first "trauma bonding" experience, since the child has no were to escape also.
3. Doesn't this; I love you..I hate you...why are you letting this happen....why don't you love me. Doesn't all this also sound familiar to all of us LBS. I know all of this is something I was struggling with in the beginning a lot, still do sometimes but it gets easier with time.
And if someone is not respected, then the issue becomes, how can one love a mother who is weak, who is disrespected, who has not protected her child Etc? But who can face that if the only source of constant love and stability is the mother?
My oldest son age 28 (soon) has stated this to me over and over again, maybe not so much about his fathers treatment towards me it's more the other way around. You are not a doormat mum. You should not let him disrespect you. Why are you crying about him when he has done what he has done to you (first christmas eve -14) So, your words correlate a lot with how my son sees me or want to see me. I never connected the dots about this.
That's another source for the root of conflict avoidance and fear of being alone/abandonment which equates to being unloved. They often are very angry, and take out their anger on those around them, which includes things like barroom fights for some. J hurt many many people over the years, some quite seriously. And he was arrested and convict of Domestic Violence on his OW.
Yes, yes yes. My father back in 1995 (when my mum went into mlc with her OM 1980, my father started his journey and had his own, never recovered from it. Don't know how many women but a lot. I only meet him once or twice 5 years after they divorced) he shot one woman (airgun) who tried to leave him after a 2 year relationship. Ended up in jail. I have been trying to find and read the documents from the court but it's archived and NOT in an electronic way, so it's like looking for a needle in a haystack. I so want to read his psychological evaluation and see what he suffered from.
something incredibly complex.
Yes Medusa,
So complexed but yet so easy and simple psychology and from what I "know/have seen" even if they do hit that low depression state at some point unless they seek an IC, I don't think so many of them will really understand why they did what they did. To get that much needed help to heal that inner child and become better humans, show full remorse toward the LBS/children etc.
Tyks, I will save a copy of your husbands mail. What a joy to send this "script" back to a mlc. Will they get it, hearing their own words?
A questions for everyone. Why do they always say; we are going to seperate, we are seperating, we have seperated. Why don't they use the word divorce? I read that a lot from others refering to what their H/W says. My xh also used the word seperate and when I pointed out "DIVORCE" he went all monster at me with these black scary eyes, totally balistic angry.
Don't people in their workplace see that there minds are not the same?
"I" have a situation at work, 2 coworkers having an affair. Don't worry, I make life a living hell for these but they are living in their bubble in lalaland. Him 50 her 35isch. We were away on a skiing trip 2 weeks ago and I caught them in the act so to speak again, last time was a year ago, that time they did stop after 15 min of me yelling and screaming!
but I talked to another coworker what did happened and if we are talking about the "state" of the OW, people do notice (even people who don't know about the affair) they notice the change in behavor and the mental changes. The OW in my workplace is hard to reach, to really connect to, very manic bahavior for the last 1,5 years.
Last but not least, the roles in this play. I think in my case OW#1 big daddy issues, and the only reason I say that is bc of the difference in age. The second after OW#1 dumped him some weeks after I kicked him out (they had soooo much feeelings for eachother and still their relationship couldn't handle more then some weeks in daylight, still hidden for most people) OW#2, damsel for sure, needy, posted about their relationship on FB before anyone know OW#1 was out of the picture. XH, knight in shining (he will not win an oscar for that part down the road) but if we talk about the psychological aspects of this. When in the relationship I don't think they think about these roles, they are subconsciously playing out these roles but I think they will not understand this until they solve the puzzle with an IC later on. That's another 0.02 from me
OK, long post
Hugs to you all
Reasons for leaving and justifications for behavior many MLCers give
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