[BrenM]

Has anyone got any theories on why the MLCer runs away from their financial obligations....even the ones concerning their own children?

[Whyus]

W finally got in touch with an old GF of hers. She is also my S18s Gfs Mother. She knows whats going on.
She has been telling me for years that im crap around the house and dont do enough - sure I could have done more but I done stuff which has obviously not been seen. She just sees what she has done. Sure she complained now and again but nothing to make you think it was a gamechanger!

Whyus, do you have your own thread? I'd like to reply to your posts, but I don't want to hijjack this thread. Your situation sounds very familiar to mine but I see some "don't do's!" in your story.

In my signatur

[maomina]

Has anyone got any theories on why the MLCer runs away from their financial obligations....even the ones concerning their own children?

Ohhhh yes that s exactly what I d like to know !!!!!! Is it all just selfishness? Being vindictive towards his old life ? Could not careless? Keep somekind of strings? What I see is them running and leaving others to face the problems while they re enjoying their new life with ow !!

Mine paid for a while after he realized that he was in grave trouble .....in his words he wanted to prove to me that he wants to care for the kids....in my opinion he wanted to save his ass from jail!! Now he s back to not paying and I m back to reporting and dealing with court hearings on my own (since he does not live in the same country)

[Loyal]

My P used to be the most generous person one could meet, but since MLC, he has turned into Scrooge himself. The other day he bought me a bread roll, which btw I didn`t ask for and then demanded the 30 Cents that it had cost:D.

He has even said several times that he won`t be happy until he sees me in the gutter!  I haven`t given him the pleasure of that and certainly don`t intend on doing so.

[OneHotMess]

Today I was told:

- you are depressed and bringing everyone else down with you and everyone knows it
- you are not the best choice for our kids
- I have tried for years
- you have been undesirable for a decade
- you only try to look nice once out of 5 months
- you need new friends
- you need to get out and do more
- I just don't have those feelings anymore for you

[Passiflora]

Has anyone got any theories on why the MLCer runs away from their financial obligations....even the ones concerning their own children?

Yes, why this behavior?

The "only" thing I found is that one sign of male depression, about that their thought and feeling patterns has changed are that they are worried about their own economy. This paper is from one of our university hospitals, so it must have some validity I think.

But my dad, I cut contact with him for his last 20 years or so and he might never have recovered from his mlc/depression but he changed  a lot from when I was little. In my childhood he was very generous with money but the point from when he "started" his mlc journey up until his death he was the total opposite. He tried to buy us kids in the end with his money, IF we only came and visit him and reconnect with him we would get his money. I never did, there wasn't enough money in the world that could make me forget all his destructive/hurtful stuff he has done to us/me.

The other day he bought me a bread roll, which btw I didn`t ask for and then demanded the 30 Cents that it had cost:D.

LOL……And we have a winner………That's the answer why I have a vanisher………..He know that if he ever did anything like this…..I'll tell him to sue me! 

OneHotMess;
You have to put an end to that kind of talk from your H, just walk away when he says stuff like that. That is destructive to your mental health, I think. To have someone tell you, you have been undesirable for a decade and the rest of what he is saying to you. That's abuse and these kind of verbal abuse can do much harm (flashbacks etc) for a long time. He is saying this to bring you down mentally.   

What I see is them running and leaving others to face the problems while they re enjoying their new life with ow !!
Yes yes and yes……….but what I really can't wrap my head around is how these woman wants a man behaving like this or are they much more reliable to the OW or are they just as irresponsible but she does the cleaning up there and doesn't mind as long as she can have him by her side?

Hugs

[Ropeburn]

   In my H case he said i spent all HIS money and now I could see how it feels not to have any. That he was the one working he would spend it as he wanted too ,,no questions.
   There is no way this is true if you knew me you would know better . It's his rewrite of our history . Sometimes no often I wonder if he just got tired ,out of love ,or if it is MLC. I know most of us do and we may never know .

[OneHotMess]

Passi,

Unfortunately, this was done through text msgs and started after I told him that I am not going to let him bring me down. The stronger i look to him the more filth that comes out of his mouth. it did hurt me very bad. Had me asking my friends if I was a bad mom. makes me want more and more for this weight to come off to be desirable to other men. Its funny how at first its been awhile and now its been a decade.  I honestly didn't think he could have said anymore to get to me but he managed.

[Mary A]

My H has also been paying more attention than usual to the money he spends on the family. I try to show him I don't need his money because I also work and can handle my finances. But it has really called my attention.

Perhaps it's all connected to the mentality he's the only one important, it's his time to do things, it's his money, his rights...his self-centerdness.

[FaithWalker]

My H has also been paying more attention than usual to the money he spends on the family. I try to show him I don't need his money because I also work and can handle my finances. But it has really called my attention.

Perhaps it's all connected to the mentality he's the only one important, it's his time to do things, it's his money, his rights...his self-centerdness.

Yes, after 14 years of a mutual marriage in which we both contributed I was told shortly after BD that "nothing in this house belongs to you".  Later, he apologized for his words, but I felt that since he threw them out there, he really did feel that way.