[Blondie]

Stopped smoking and became vegetarian! My H didn't smoke but he became vegetarian too (I'm vegan but in 23 years never pushed him into it), it was all of a sudden for him two months before BD. I was so surprised that I thought OW must be vegetarian! Apparently not. My H started drinking as well, got drunk in public and had to abandon his car. He barely drank before. He's a 99% vanisher so I don't know what else is involved.

A 19 year old pursuing a 55 year old, oh my goodness, she has no morals. I wonder if he was married/children, how embarrassing.

My H's OW pretended to be pregnant (she'd been sterilised) and that her father was dying to draw my H in. Maybe our spouses are so messed up that they can't see the obvious lies 

[ChrissYAH]

My one bombed me June 2014, after that he would always have his back to me, couldn't stand being near me etc, not sure if that was because he had found his ow, or because its script, would tell me to find someone and 'fix' my life??? the usual nonsense that comes out of their mouth, haven't seen him in over 2yrs apart from seeing him at mediation he looked like a puffed up fish.

[maomina]

Blonde yes the 55 yr old did have children older than herself . I believe she kept seeking a father figure . When my ex gave her attention she got her claws into him so much so that she got pregnant as quick as she could and convinced him to leave the country .
Apart from having become a vegetarian  (who still loves meat ) he even started to talk like her . He is now a vanisher too !  And no by the looks of it she's got no morals whatsoever and is just as selfish as ex h

[Bewildered survivor]

Ive just posted this on my thread...then found this discussion.  Its taken me a while to write what H has said or written to me.  Im still traumatised (11 months since BD) and sometimes doubt its MLC script.  I’m hoping writteng it does and sharing on here might help me to get past it and stop reappearing these things over and over again in my head!



 -I will always love you but I can’t ever see s being happy again
- I dont love you....you’ve beaten all the love out of me
- I feel nothing for you
- I hate you, you make me feel sick (after staying with ow in hotel night before)
- I can never let you in my heart or life again
-You’ve hurt me so much the wounds are too deep
- You’ve caused me nothing but pain, misery and heartache for 7,10 , 12 years
- Ive been so resilient to have to deal with you without ever laying a finger on you 
- Ow showed me attention and love
- You didnt cherish and nurture what we had (using MC’s words against me)
- I just carried on loving you and you didnt change
- Ive lost any hope that you will ever change
- I cant be bothered and dont have the energy to fix anything
-You dont love me and never have
- I just dont feel like that for you anymore...my feeling have changed
-  know myself and my own feelings and I know they wont change back to what they were
- I loved you so much but all the things I loved once, I now hate
- You dont love me so why cant you just let me move on with OW
- You have deep seated issues and insecurities that you need help with
- You have no right to judge OW
- Did you ever think I would be the one to leave you?
- We dont talk anymore
- Its not a normal part of marriage to argue
- I did everything for you and you didnt appreciate it
- I loved you more than anything once before but you took it for granted
- Im in a stable, secure relationship with OW.  We are very committed to each other (now I wonder f he will marry her once D is over).
- She (me) blames OW for everything.  She has an intense hatred for her and is obsessed with her!!- WTF
- Ive been thinking about leaving for a while but was never the right time, I waited till the girls were older.  I made a decision only I could make as no one else was in my marriage.  Now Im out Im relieved and happy..........

[semperfidelis]

We were just laughing about some of the things these MLCer said on UM's thread.

Mine gave me his excuse for wanting a D, at bd.  I was still confused and asked him about 3 weeks later.."Now why do you want a D?"  He gave me a completely different reason!

So I started making a game out of it.  Every month or so I would ask him what his reason is..and I swear to God, it was entirely different every single time.  Which of course told me had didn't know why.

I wish I would have written them down.  It's funny now.   

SOunds like mine...but at the end of the day last year was terrible...so i do understand...

But i get different answers to everything...well i did...not anymore.

[One day at a time]

I loved this thread!! I spent the last couple of days going through it and the previous one... It's unbelievable how they all seem to say pretty much the same things!! Below is my list.. I'd say I would have a longer list if he was still living with me 

-   We want different things
-   You don’t buy breaded chicken
-   You don’t come fishing with me
-   I felt so lonely (but he was going on every business trip he could to “get away”)
-   I have nothing to come home to
-   We have a good life but it doesn’t make me happy
-   I’m not happy (many many many times)
-   I don’t like how you interact with my family
-   ILYBINILWY
-   I don’t think I will ever regret leaving you.
-   You are not happy either
-   You are never happy 
-   When I mentioned that the reason I was not happy was that he was constantly travelling he said “That’s not fair on me”
-   OW talked about having a family, she sounds more like me (We always said we wouldn’t have kids)
-   A marriage shouldn’t be so much work
-   I don’t know what I want
-       I'm leaving you because I don't want to cheat (AFTER he traveled half way around the world to see OW) 

[Sam I Am]

A variety of reasons..some are funny!


ILYBIANILWY
H said he has changed
H saidhe is not leaving me for her.  It is not about sex.  She respects me.  Very insistant he was not leaving me for another woman.
I didn't respect him
I didn't listen to him
I didn't take care of myself (health wise)
I didn't cook enough
I didn't clean enough
I always wanted to eat out
I didn't talk to our son enough
He can't forgive me for not providing him with enough sex 20 years ago when he was in his prime.  Now he has Low T.  He was hot then and I wasted his best years.  Just woke up one day and no longer able to preform.  This is not true. 
I told him not to touch me 20 years ago and he can never forgive me for that.  (I don't recall this at all)
He said...I have to go...there is something inside me gnawling at me.  I have to leave here.  I have to leave you.  I just gotta get away.  When I am done with her, I will go somewhere else before I come home.
OW is a good woman who will love me unconditionally (yet he has a plan b and a plan c)  also so proud of her that he didn't tell a lot of his friends about her or that he is running to her

That is all I can remember since BD was so long ago.   I can actually type this now and get a giggle out.  There was a time I would have typed this an bawled the whole time.  Slow steps to healing!

[notdoneyet]

1st BD back in Nov/18;

- we've grown apart
- we have nothing in common except for the kids
- you didn't have sex with me on my 40th and 50th birthdays
- you are not a team player
- i gave you a diamond ring on our 15th anniversary and you gave me nothing (we have always agreed to no anniversary gifts)
- I'm out there doing stuff and you're just sitting there at home
- I'm so lonely



2nd BD last week;

- we have nothing in common
- I said to him well your parents have had a long and happy marriage and they don't have anything in common and he said that's just now 
- you don't like to golf
- I  don't like to be around horses
- you don't like to do anything physical...Ah, so I guess all those years running together doesn't count then
- I want music around me all the time (so put it on)
- you don't ski with me (that's because you have a group of male friends you ski with  and you 100 times better than me)
- I'm so lonely still...you never went to parties on the beach.  I did and when I didn't that was because we had kids at home and no sitter so I sent you. Hello!!!!!

He said all of the above looking his normal self which is why I'm even questioning MLC since I haven't seen shark eyes for months.  The list keeps growing of stupid stuff.  You don't throw away a long term marriage because you don't like to be around horses???  At the end of BD #2 I asked him to please reconsider S because all of this was fixable.  He said he would think about it and that he really did love me 

I'm sure there's more stuff but I've probably blocked out of my mind for self-preservation.

[One day at a time]

Notdoneyet, I also told my H that I didn't see any deal breakers in his laundry list. His answer was that we could try again but we would end up in the same place in 2-3 years and more time would be "wasted"..  I didn't think the 15 years I shared with him were a waste of time but apparently he does! 

When they speak and sound so convincing I think we all doubt MLC but I always go back to the same point..  Some of the justifications were actually things that happened.. Not buying breaded chicken, not going fishing...  But these are not new things, they were things that have happened or not for years if not from the very beginning.. so why does all of this bother him all of the sudden?

And let's not forget the other signs!

[The Moon’s a balloon]

The reasons I can recall (some heard via other sources):

- Goes with out saying really but, of course, ILYBINILWY
- We haven’t done enough together, just the two of us, in the last year.  (Apparently there was a ‘make or break’ conversation at the beginning of last year where W made it clear that we had to do more together or we would be in trouble.  I don’t recall that conversation, but I do recall the six holidays we managed to pull in last year, and they were great).
- I’ve changed
- There’s always been a difference between us
- I’ve not been happy with the marriage for about 6 months or more.
- There’s not just a distance between us but a gulf.
- The spark has gone
- You don’t drive us around enough
- in 10 or so years, when the girls have grown up, we’ll have nothing in common.
- I tried on some new clothes, and thought I looked great, but when I asked for your views on them you just ‘smacked me down’ and ruined my confidence. 
- And the final straw, according to W, that one time you were a bit brusque with me on the phone.