[Onward]

Definitely doesn't sound like a relationship going anywhere but over.....

[stillbaffled]

Continuing on the path with you, RT. 

[Milly]

Attaching Really! Wouldn't miss a moment what with funeral girl thinking of making a move on your H, and you looking sexy in the oranges isle, why watch TV?

Two things, your MIL not knowing how to show her love, I think you're totally right about that. But she also seems to have a little catty side, which likes to poke and hurt at times. Like the mug business, or mentioning your H's girlfriend in front of you. I wonder where that stems from, maybe jealousy, or maybe she's hurting so she needs to hurt you back. You're the therapist so you would know better. But your MIL sounds a little like my sister.

Your H not sleeping in a bed in your house might be because he's scared to. Either of giving you the impression that he is comfortable at home and then you might think he's coming right back on a white stallion with 100 red roses, or because he's scared of admitting it to himself. So he makes an outward point of not being at home. The couch is where teenage friends stay over. 

[Reallytrying]

KIT - that's a good point. Only a damaged person would insert herself in this type of situation in general.
Medusa & onward - I truly don't get it. It seems so cold & mechanical but yet it's been going on for a few years. Something is holding them there.

Milly - lol.  My life the soap opera. If this was tv I'd meet my new man while reaching for those oranges and we'd live happily ever after 😂😂😂

As for mil - I do think she's an unhappy person in general so can be catty. I think there is an insecurity in who she is that inspires jealousy. For example, if she sees nephew with me (or someone else) she'll often call him over.   She definitely needs to be the focus of attention so she will do or say things to maintain the attention - even if it might be hurtful to others.

I think h does want to pretend he's not comfy in my house - hence he'll sleep on the couch. Even though it's clear from his behavior that he's pretty comfortable there whether I'm there or not.

Yesterday he was pretty distant at first. Almost like he was making up for being comfortable at the house. We were at S game. Eventually he relaxed and we were chatty. I even picked up his prescription for him and he offered to fix something for me. Today he's sent 2 jokes to me - one he says this is for "your"  daughter. That's a running joke for us when the kids are acting up we say they belong to the other.  That's the first time in months that he has sent a joke on social media.

Last night SIL sent me something saying  that my nephew said I always love him so that's why I'm his girlfriend (he's 3). She said they were discussing family and she told him that "aunt RT was his family" and that was his response. I appreciate her reinforcing that I'm family - especially since she knows we are separated and that her brother is messing with OW.

[Thunder]

Hi Really,

I just wanted to say sometimes people get really addicted to drama type relationships.  It's the only big tie they have with each other.  If things calm down one of them has to start the exciting drama again so they can reconnect.

I've known 2 couple like this, their not happy unless they are fighting or having drama going on.  They feed off each other.

Being that MLCer's get addicted, that is most likely why they stay together.  Both are very un functional people right now.  One of them has to want to get away from that for them to break up.
They can act hateful towards each other but in a sick sense it keeps them together.   

[31andcounting]

Simply put He is messed up and unhealthy in an unhealthy relationship!!
goes without saying OW is even more messed up!!!!

Yippee for SIL!!  She is not messed up!
(hugs)
31

[UrsaMajor]

Hi RT,

In addition to what Thunder said, another SWAG might be that he/they are just trying to show that they did NOT make a mistake... If they keep plodding long, they didn't firetruck everything up, right? Probably even more so for H than for OW.... She's just broken......

He, on the other hand may not wish to admit he royally screwed up ... Because that would mean taking responsibility and having to admit failure.... Pride goeth before the fall....

[31andcounting]

most definitely !  Your H must humble himself and admit to all his mistakes.  It takes a while for the weak MLCer to work up the strength to do that!!

Time.... and if Reallytrying is still around once he finally works up his courage and strength he wins a wonderful prize!!  His wife and family!! If she is gone and moved on he is definitely the loser in the mess he made!!!!!  OW will never ever be that to him!
As always Really you continue to be the guiding light to his darkness, hope he doesn't take too much longer!!!
(hugs)
31


 

[Reallytrying]

Thunder - I said the same thing - maybe he needs that drama in his life right now.

31 & um - good points. It would be a large bite of humble pie to admit that you screwed things up.

I realized that H has recreated his parents relationship with OW. Emotionally distant, maybe even a bit hostile, but you can say you have someone. Very little emotion necessary.

Today was a pleasant day - the weather was awesome and genuine flip flop weather always makes me happy.

H has been really present for S the last few months - hope it continues. S told me late last night that there was an honor roll thing at school today. I couldn't go but h said he could. He got there and texted me about the program then sent me a video of S getting his certificate.

Later he texted to say he wasn't feeling well. I asked if he thought he'd be ok to go to S game and he said it didn't look good. When I was almost there he texted to say he was there but that he was going to wait in the car until S game started (another game was going on before) - he was trying to avoid the pollen. He sent me the name of the park it was in and where I could park. Once I got there I was walking towards the field and  he asked he if I wanted to wait in the car with him. I declined saying I would go watch the end of the early game. I texted him soon after to comment that the game was only at half time. His reply was that he was bored so he'd come watch. So he came and sat next to me. We had a pleasant time watching the game - it was the least tense it's felt between us in awhile. We laughed at my mom accidentally face timing h yesterday - she didn't even realize it was FaceTime. He said he was waving and she didn't even look at the camera 😂😂😂.

After the game I saw that my late best friend's grandmother had died. I wanted to text h to let him know - she and ow have the same name. I was about to text that "ow name" had died 😱  I re-thought the text and sent a picture of the obituary to him instead. This lady was very sweet to me when I first moved to the US. Will be so weird if h and I go to the viewing together - they all knew us when we were dating but very few of them would know about our current separation. Best friend died almost 16 years ago so we don't see the family as often anymore.

[Reallytrying]

I have friends visiting for the weekend. The girl and I have been friends since we were 3 - she's who I went to vegas with.  We used to hang out a lot as a family group. They haven't seen him since before BD. When I told him they would be here he seemed genuinely happy to get to see them. This morning he texted to see what we were doing but they had gone into the city - we didn't go because S had practice. He indicated that he'd take s to practice. After practice my friends were back and we all sat chatting and laughing and listening to music until 11pm when h said he had to leave because he was guiding early in the morning.

He golfed this morning, is apparently golfing tomorrow and told my aunt he couldn't come to easter dinner because he was golfing. D was a bit upset that he wouldn't likely see them on Easter.

He is still not feeling well. I had suggested something he could take but he didn't seem interested and I try not to mother him so I didn't say anything further. Today he texted to say he was stopping at the pharmacy. When he got here he had the 2 medications I had suggested earlier in the week. He commented that when he was golfing his friend suggested that he take these. I couldn't help myself - I said isn't that the same thing I said. He then said "yes but you aren't a pharmacist". Ok then. I had no response. So bizarre.