[Tyks]

SB... i have often said that

Death sure would be easier

[nah]

I never really remember thinking that I wanted to end it but I DO remember thinking and saying that I wished he had died instead.  That it would have been easier to get through than what he did.

Yes. My mother had two husbands.
 
First one was shot in the head during a robbery and died.  She was 21, had two children and was pregnant.

Second was my father.  He was a MLCer.

She said, going through my father cheating and leaving was so much harder.

At least the first one didn't have a choice.

I too thought it would have been so much easier if the Leaver had just died.  At least I wouldn't have had to question my marriage, my entire adulthood.

I no longer feel that way.  Not only am I glad my children have their father.  I'm happy that I'm just starting to get the answers to the questions that have been burning inside me.  I also am happy that I feel he has a chance to get through this and maybe just maybe become the man I know he can be.  As long as there is life, there is hope.

[bluerose]

       I think death would be easier too. I still wish he would.

[nah]

       I think death would be easier too. I still wish he would.

It wasn't easy, but what worked for me was to not send out bad vibes.  I felt Karma is sending out good vibes, and hope it bounces back to me in a good way.

Their karma is their karma and their own business.

[Tyks]

I have been reading a lot on here today and sometimes that makes me sad. So I have been thinking that maybe my stbx just doesn't wanna be married anymore. A lot of what he says is definitely script but I just can't wrap my head around the whole ignoring our lives thing. I can't stand the thought that he may be "happy" with another. I have no idea if he has another. I don't know anything anymore except that he is ignoring my very existence and our life together. I am really starting to be annoyed by it

[nah]

Well Tyks, by reading your signature snippet (I wish everybody would do this, it does make it easier to remember who is who) you were married 20 years and BD was less than a year ago.

You should be sad and annoyed and very confused.  BD is a big deal.

Not knowing what is going on in their heads can drive us crazy.  Sure, you can ask, write a long letter, etc etc.... unfortunately it won't do any damn good.  Either they ignore, lie, or open up and run again.  That gets even more infuriating.  Oh wait, my husband will be the exception.... I think we ALL think this one time or another. 

I can tell you to stop obsessing about what's going on in his head but, I doubt you will listen.  We all gotta do what we gotta do until we can't stand it anymore.

I think you're doing great.

[Shocked]

My anniversary will be the 29th. Last year I was guessing he was traveling with a OW. Now I know. I am better this year. Still hard to believe a day that was so important is now non existent to him. We had a great 20th.
 
I did send a quick thank you to him about the graduation and bringing his parents. He did respond that he was sorry that they had to leave. He did ask if I wanted to talk some time. I replied asking nicely that I would consider talking but I was curious what he thought we would talk about. The weather??  He responded that he liked talking about the weather. I said most good salesman do. He later sent me an email from his boss showing he had increased his sales significantly with his biggest account. I still have no idea why he'd send that to me!! I said congratulations. I guess that was my first touch and go. It will be interesting how many months to I hear from him again. The graduation must have some effect in him.

[nah]

Sounds like a small touch and go to me. Sometimes they just need a small olive branch to feel safe. No harm in being friendly as long as you keep your expectations low.

I had exchanges like that with the Leaver over the years and then months would go by until the next one.

[BrenM]

Shocked...the new dress gave him something to think about 🤔

No doubt his brain has been in overdrive since the graduation...he gave no reason or justification for leaving rather promptly....i.e. Running away to avoid confrontation.....yet he wants to talk sometime.  Confused?  I really believe they are still in that head of theirs.  There is always hope Shocked. 

Definitely a touch and go.....

[sparklestar]

Tyks,

Right now maybe he doesn't want to be married same as all our MLCrs. Right now their thoughts and feelings may well be completely lost or not on us anyway not in the way we want. I think Nah hit the nail on the head with how we can end up sending negative energy rather than positive energy. I'm a firm believer in this concept and that we have to begin to let go, stop holding on to it so tightly. Something clicked in me last week and I just thought I'm not giving any more energy to H, OW or what they are doing. My attention is on me now. It still pops in to my head all the time but I just try and focus my attention on something else. Rome wasn't built in a day and so it will take practice. I'm also trying to let go of any anger and bitterness again that's just negative energy. I haven't looked at social media related to them since wed and boy do I feel empowered. I couldn't care less and it takes away any power OW has I'm not looking at her nonsense I don't believe in their situation so it's irrelevant to me.

I'm a good person and I've given myself too hard a time. I'm working on me, I'm giving my attention to nice things and deserving people.